How to Stop Emotional Eating

You can’t.  You can’t change someone’s tolerance for stress or their attitude toward emotions they’re uncomfortable with (typically anger, fear, and hate). Telling an emotional eater how to stop emotional eating is like telling a fat person what needs to be done to lose weight — they already know what needs to be done. That’s why anti-obesity education programs are stupid and ineffective and in some cases, exacerbate the problem (like that stupid food pyramid guideline that told everyone to carb out). People don’t need to be told how many steps they ought to take per day and what they need to eat to reach their body shape goal.  The entire weight-loss industry (not to be confused with fitness industry) is a scam.

How to Control Emotional Eating

One can, however, control emotional eating so that the problem doesn’t get worse.

Acting to control, rather than to stop emotional eating, should already feel liberating.  It’s like the difference between a trainer asking an out-of-shape client to run an entire mile at any pace instead of a four minute mile.  It’s nearly impossible to re-train someone to stop their psychobiological reactions and failure will only discourage continued effort. But minor behavioral changes are possible, especially if they have nothing to do with food.

Below are a few habits that make emotional eating worse.

Reading and Posting Motivational Quotes
Those who post them are doing so precisely because they lack motivation and are hoping to gain that motivation by posting cliches about it. Those who are motivated don’t waste time reading about how to be motivated.  They’re busy doing what needs to be done to reach their goals.

Motivational quotes state the obvious, there’s nothing profound about “Gratitude is the best medicine”or “Everything we ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” Which means posting motivational quotes is at best virtue signaling and at worst, will make you feel terrible about yourself for lacking motivation once the nice feeling you get from virtue signaling wears off.  So stop reading and posting them.  They’re not inspirational, they’re self-defeating because they trick you into feeling like you’re making progress when you’re not.

carolburnett1

The person who posted this on Facebook ended up binging on ice cream and Netflix.

Dieting and Reading Diet Books
Emotional eaters are obsessed with food.  So are dieters.  Telling an emotional eater to go on a diet is like telling a sex addict to watch porn to get rid of the addiction. The goal is to stop obsessing about food, and avoiding food requires as much obsession for food as does craving food all the time.

In most diet books, the subtext is: it’s not your fault, you weren’t educated but now you are.  Bullshit. People know what they should and shouldn’t be eating and doing.  Feigning ignorance is a self-defense mechanism created by an education industry that teaches people to not trust their instincts, to become clueless, needy nitwits really. So stop dieting and reading diet books that turn people into helpless twits if you want to control emotional eating.

This diet book was written for Americans who prefer to blame American food instead of themselves for getting fat. This book is stupid.

Sarcasm
Anglo cultures (eg. UK, Canada) love sarcasm.  It’s everywhere and most are proud to be sarcastic.  Here’s the dictionary definition of sarcasm:

the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

Here’s the Wiki definition:

a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt

Here’s the Greek etymology of sarcasm:

Greek sarkasmos “sarcasm,” from sarkazein “to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer,”

Which means most Americans, without realizing it, are bitter people who prefer to express contempt in a joking manner so as to not take ownership for feeling and expressing it.  And people wonder why middle-class America is the most medicated demographic in the world.  When people dress feelings they’re uncomfortable with — hate and anger — as “harmless, sassy wit,” they become emotionally corrupt. One can’t be nice AND sarcastic, just as one can’t be a nice rapist.  Pick one or the other, one can’t have it both ways.  Trying to have it both ways is how batshit crazy begins.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling contempt and taunting another person. Even Jesus felt contempt toward the Pharisees and had sharp words for them.  It’s the dishonesty about one’s intentions and sense of self that’s toxic.  If you’re going to be mean, be unabashedly mean and take responsibility for it instead of dressing it up as a joke.

“My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.” Which he is. But at least he’s not emotionally corrupt and batshit crazy.

And just how mean does one need to be?  Usually, not mean enough to warrant using sarcasm to express what’s bothering you, the razor blades sarcasm brings to most fights is gratuitous and excessive.  Check out this opening line from an Emily Warren music video:

Good news Riley, looks like you’re going to be working the entire weekend

That’s a typical sarcastic remark Americans make. How is that funny?  It isn’t funny to Riley, who was looking forward to having the weekend off. Maybe it’s funny to those who really really hate Riley and wish the worst for her? Is the speaker marveling at his own so-called wit, at Riley’s expense?  Wouldn’t it be kinder if he’d said this instead:

Riley, I’m sorry.  I know you were looking forward to taking this weekend off, but we really need you to work this weekend. I’ll make it up to you.

Point is, a lot of people make sarcastic remarks when it’s inappropriate to do so.  This creates negativity that’s somehow packaged as funny to those who delight in other people’s follies and misfortunes.

If the intention is to be bitter and mean, then fine, continue with the sarcasm.  But don’t tell everyone how nice you are because that’s about as honest as American foreign policy.

Save the sarcasm for when you’re really really pissed, like ready to choke that person out pissed.  Here’s how Jesus used sarcasm to taunt a mob that wanted to stone him:

They picked up stones again to stone Him. Jesus answered them, “I showed you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you stoning Me?” – John 10:31–32

Ouch. Here’s another example of sarcasm used appropriately, someone asked Moses if he was fucking up after he led his wandering Jews out of Egypt:

Was there a lack of graves in Egypt, that you took us away to die in the wilderness?” Exodus 14:11

Another example from Hamlet Act 1, Scene 2, in which Hamlet gets pissed about his mom marrying his uncle way too soon after his father has died:

“Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral bak’d meats did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.”

In the above three examples, sarcasm is used only in dire situations and its purpose isn’t to joke around, it’s to elucidate what’s really happening. To use sarcasm to joke about everyday situations is to use it inappropriately, with disastrous consequences.

Vanity of Vanities

Other seemingly benign habits we could add to the list include sentimentality, politeness grandstanding, euphemistic language, gratuitous compliments, and so forth.  The point is, emotional problems and cravings aren’t triggered by external events.  We trigger them ourselves, often without realizing it, because we’ve fooled ourselves into believing that our sins are harmless, good habits even. That’s our vanity at work, the deadliest of the seven deadly sins because it’s the source of all other sins precisely because it makes us blind to all our sins.

The bogeyman isn’t some public figure one disagrees with or some criminal we read about in the news.   The bogeyman is within every one of us — we create our own emotional turmoil — and our worst sins are the ones we hide from ourselves and others, repackaged as benevolence.

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Redneck Food is Healthier Than Stupid Middle-Class American Food.

Redneck cuisine is better for the environment too.  I’ll prove it.

Take roadkill cuisine, which according to Wiki is “considered unglamorous and mocked in pop culture, where it is often associated with stereotypes of rednecks and uncouth persons.”  Below are some of the advantages of roadkill meat:

  • low cost
  • organic meat that’s naturally high in vitamins and proteins with lean meat and little saturated fat
  • organic meat that’s free of antibiotics and other drugs
  • organic meat that doesn’t come from animals who lived in filthy overcrowded cages and pens

Meaning those deplorable roadkill scavengers are eating food that’s healthier and more environmentally friendly than the over-priced, over-modified, over-hyped and environmentally destructive bullshit people buy at Whole Foods. More examples of how Redneck food is superior later.  Let’s first take a look at what middle-class America thinks everyone should eat.

Why Middle Class America eats “BAD” food

Because the American middle-class doesn’t define itself in terms of economic clout and technological sophistication.  This demographic instead defines itself *against* another group, usually Rednecks (and occasionally the One Percent). And that’s precisely why the American middle-class — the most medicated demographic in the world — can’t think straight as consumers and make ridiculous demands to indulge their delusions about themselves. In this batshit crazy world, decisions are based less on practical considerations and more on identity politics. That’s why middle-class Americans have a habit of wanting to eat “BAD” food, as Paul Fussell puts it:

…in fruits and vegetables, “pretty” has overtaken actual, honest, and safe in the Basic American Diet.  What he’s getting at is the scandal of cosmeticizing produce to make it attractive to the ignorant — coloring oranges orange, for instance, or breeding apples and cherries and strawberries so impressively large that they’re quite tasteless. Now, in violation of all natural laws, apples are spotchless, wormless, and lustrously red or green.  Grapefruits are perfectly round, as firm as baseballs and as yellow as forsythia, and these phony appearances — BAD in a nutshell — are produced by an infinite number of exotic and untested constituents, residing in the chemicals used to bring on these freaks of visual vegetable perfection.

 

Middle America isn’t satisfied with botoxing and medicating just themselves, they have to botox and medicate their fruits and vegetables too because pompous people need pompous things, including pompous inbred food that look like this.

 

Middle-class Americans like their produce the way they like their people – everything should look the same.

 

instead of fruit and vegetables that may look like this:

and is superior in taste and nutrition to their uniformly “pretty” counterparts.  American middle class buy with their eyes instead of their minds, as if shopping for a street whore.

If this bizarre consumer demand for cosmetic uniformity of produce is a reflection of Middle-Class America’s intolerance for diversity of thought and personality, then what might the absence of fish and fowl heads on their dinner tables suggest about their psychological state?  Fussell again:

This manifestation of BAD does accord with American disinclination to accept unpleasant facts, like the cruel fact that oranges are really greenish-yellow and often ovoid, and the wormless apple is really an anomaly that, without dye and polish, will look pretty shabby.

There’s no demographic in history that’s this uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. And not just uncomfortable with racy and racist jokes and reminders that what they’re eating was once alive, these kooky conformists expect eating to be as easy as sucking on mommy’s tits back when they were babies. That’s why we have chicken nuggets, because they’re boneless and already cut up. That’s why there are no fish bones, ever.  The American middle-class eat like three year olds, which would be fine if they’d shut up and stop projecting their mommy and daddy issues onto those who just want to be left alone.

 

How fish is served in most parts of the world: head and fins on, bones inside. Fish bones, brains, cartilage and fat are nutritious, containing extra-high levels of vitamin A, omega-3 fatty acids, iron, zinc and calcium.

 

Travel around the world and you’ll see that people aren’t this squeamish and pampered when it comes to eating (except among the middle class in Anglo nations such as Canada and UK). This isn’t normal, it’s not healthy or tasty to eat this way (bones enhance flavor and provide essential nutrients) and it’s wasteful to discard edible food.

Roast duck is sold with head on at Chinese butcheries.

 

How Rednecks roast an entire pig, head and hoofs still on. Recycling old bicycle because Rednecks are innovative and care about the environment.

 

Examples of “BAD” food

The merely bad, Fussell points out, is “something like dog-do on the sidewalk, or a failing grade.” “BAD” taste, on the other hand, is anything “phony, clumsy, witless, untalented, vacant, or boring that many Americans can be persuaded is genuine, graceful, bright, or fascinating.” Here are more examples from past and present of BAD food middling America has and does enjoy because they think it’s healthier and/or tastier and/or more ethical when it’s not:

  • Skinless chicken breast (pay more for less!)
  • Extra lean ground beef (pay more for less!)
  • Kobe beef burgers (asshole burger, pay more for fat that will be cooked off)
  • Margarine (Frankenbutter)
  • White bread (Frankenbread)
  • Acai bowls (want to buy one so I can throw it at someone)
  • Fortune cookies (over a billion Chinese have asked: “who comes up with this shit?”)
  • Processed cheese (Frankencheese)

You can be sure that once middle-class America figures out that what they’re eating is actually BAD — like with margarine and white bread — cultural amnesia will set in and they’ll accuse Rednecks of perpetrating BAD culture.

Author is a Redneck Dyke. She says that middle-class Americans, not Rednecks, were the homophobes. Now that it’s not fashionable to be homophobic, middle-class America blames Rednecks for perpetrating homophobia when all they want is to not be told what to say and think.

Examples of Redneck food that’s good for you

  • Pig’s trotters (collagen good for skin and joint health)
  • Oxtail soup (best bone cut for broth that promotes joint health. Now upscale food)
  • Livermush (pig’s head and liver molded into pate, a variation of which I recently had at a high end restaurant)
  • Chitterlings (pig intestine contains lots of selenium which reduces risk of heart disease and asthma)
  • Squirrel (we’re overrun with gray squirrels.  Tastes sweet and nutty).

After bobbing for pig’s feet competition, this Redneck shows us how he eats his pig feet. Which is similar to how a Mexican eats pig feet.

Aside from the squirrel, the above is what people from most parts of the world eat. If what one eats is a reflection of one’s values and character, who do you think is more tolerant and open minded and responsible, the Redneck or the middle class American?  Who demands total conformity of manners and taste? Who lacks conviction and lives according to the latest fashion and fads? Who lives in an over-sanitized world maintained by intolerance and fear?  Who is the ignorant, uncouth fucktard now?

 

 

 

 

Frequently Asked Questions #19

Public Policy and Health

What can we do to improve nutrition and health?  
Replace welfare with Universal Basic Income (UBI).

What’s Universal Basic Income? 
In 2020 presidential candidate Andrew Yang’s version of UBI — his main platform issue — every US citizen between ages 18-64 would receive $1000/month, no strings attached. To learn more about how Yang wants to pay for his program, click here.

What’s the difference between Universal Basic Income and welfare programs?   
UBI isn’t the same as welfare. UBI (my version) would replace welfare. Recipients of UBI can do whatever they want with the money and they don’t lose that income if they pursue another source of income. Welfare, on the other hand, disincentivises its recipients from working because they lose welfare income when they do. And a welfare program like food stamps *tells* its recipients how much they should spend on groceries (even though nutritional needs vary person to person), thereby humiliating *and* infantalizing them.  Welfare tells recipients that they’re poor because they’re stupid.  UBI tells everyone that it’s up to you to figure out how to best spend your money.  Welfare is psychologically crippling. UBI gives people an opportunity to act as responsible adults and encourages recipients to be innovative, to figure out how to get the most out of their money.

So why would UBI improve nutrition and health?
In a developed society, poor health and nutrition happens to those who are psychologically and philosophically “out of tune.”  It has nothing to do with lack of financial resources. Providing basic financial security AND removing the stigma of being on welfare will begin the emotional healing necessary to improve health.

Will UBI give the poor the opportunity to choose healthier options, as Yang thinks will happen?
No, people will continue to eat what they want to eat.  A healthy diet costs less than an unhealthy one.  Unless you’re in Flint Michigan, tap water is cheaper than soda and an apple costs less than a candybar. Again, it’s the emotional renewal that will spur changes in diet and activity.

I’ll give examples in another blog post on Universal Basic Income and its affect on health and diet. I’ll also discuss why Yang thinks that UBI will improve people’s diet.

What other benefits do you foresee?
Social, especially racial relations will improve.  The “Welfare Queen,” for instance, is racialized as a Black woman with lots of kids.  Can’t call anyone a “freeloader” when everyone is getting the same allowance. Resentment from perceived unfairness, not ignorance, is what triggers racial hostility.

Random

Do I get charged the Idiot Tax if I didn’t read the How to Order sign? 
Does the state trooper care that you didn’t see the speed limit sign?

Is it true that the owner has been in jail in 6 countries?
That’s an exaggeration.

Will juice bars survive the Artificial Intelligence Economy?
A few will, just as a few bookstores continue to do well.

What do you think of meal prep delivery services like Blue Apron?  
Not one will survive.  Too expensive and they don’t add value — you still have to cook and clean.

But don’t they teach you how to cook?
They don’t.  Following instructions isn’t learning how to cook, it’s learning how to follow instructions.  You learn to cook by honing and following your instincts so that all your senses are alert.  And you can get better cooking lessons on youtube.

Why don’t you sell acai bowls?
Because they’re stupid.  It’s the same thing as a smoothie except some ingredients aren’t blended, it takes more time to make, and there are no veggies.  It’s a less convenient and more expensive version of a smoothie.

Does the owner think that racism doesn’t exist?
Of course racism exists.  So what?  It only has power over you when you when it becomes an excuse for failure.

 

Pretty but stupid and overpriced and you have to finish it before it becomes a runny mess.

 

How to Hack Open a Coconut

 

It’s not hard, an 11 year old can do it using a badass butcher knife.  Watch…

 

You can pick up a butcher knife from most Asian grocery stores.  Young coconuts are best purchased at Asian grocery stores (cheaper and fresher).

We also offer cooking lessons if you prefer to learn that way.

 

How to Talk To Customers (from employee training manual)

Talk to them as a courtesan would to her benefactor.  Or you could talk to them as some street skank whore does to her john; or as some $300/hour escort to her client.  Think about the differences between the three:

Whore: fucks a lot of guys each day to get her drugs.

Escort: fucks a few guys and listens to them complain about stupid shit a few times a week to pay for living expenses and a few luxuries.

Courtesan:   fucks a few guys per year she advises on marital, political and business matters.

Which do you want to be?  You want your customers to be benefactors, clients, or johns?  You want to live in a world where there’s a good chance someone’s going to knock your rotting teeth out or where you don’t have to worry about being murdered on the job?  Do you want to live a life where your opinion matters?  So you better start practicing now because the courtesans have been working on their game ever since they could talk and walk.

What’s the only difference between a street whore and an escort?  The former has a drug habit for way too long.  What’s the difference between an escort and a courtesan? The former is a narcissist.  Notice I haven’t mentioned anything about looks because as long as the body’s bangin’, that’s mostly irrelevant.

Know Your Customer
What do most people like to talk about the most?  Pick:

a) Ideas
b) Other people
c) Themselves

Correct answer is C.  Narcissism is our Original Sin and your job is to figure out how to curb your own narcissistic urges so you can turn the customer into your benefactor (what most want to be) instead of a john (what most are).  Put simply, your job is to seduce those we want as customers and to repel the shitheads.

Pick:

a) Treat others as you want to be treated
b) Treat others as they treat you
c) Treat others as they want to be treated

Those who pick A are intolerant narcissists because they project their wants and needs onto other people, they don’t realize that other people have different preferences and perspectives from their own.  Those who pick A can only have friends who are copies of themselves because any deviance from their narrow worldview offends their sense of self and righteousness.  Repel these people, they’re dangerous.  They color themselves with righteous sounding identities such as “social justice warrior” and “human rights activist” to hide the fact that they’re totalitarians and liars.

If you picked B, then you’ve picked up on psychological mirroring, which is how you achieve “greater connection and understanding with the individual who is being mirrored” (Wiki entry of Mirroring). Mirroring requires empathy, which is not the same as sympathy (ie. narcissists being nice), and empathy involves seeing something from  different perspectives.  Those who pick B are also good at protecting themselves from being used because they give off vibe that they will retaliate in kind to protect themselves.

Those who pick C are capable of empathy, but incapable of protecting themselves.

How to Talk to Customers
Now that you know who the shitheads are — they often refuse to follow Ordering Guidelines because they wrongly assume employees are as easily stressed out as they are (narcissistic projection) — you can focus on providing the best service possible to our customers without violating your integrity.  All prostitutes have boundaries.

Ask Them Questions
Two to three is best, any more and some get annoyed. When you ask someone a question about themselves, you make that person feel less lonely.  Most are very lonely because most people prefer to talk about themselves than ask questions, which means few are listening.  (Hermits, ironically, are the least lonely because they haven’t lost the ability — a rich inner world — to keep themselves company).  A customer you make feel less lonely becomes your benefactor.  It’s not hard to pull off.  Here’s an example of an uncivilized conversation:

You: Whom did you vote for?
Customer: Trump
You: You’re an ignorant racist!
Customer: Hey fuck you.

Never rush to judgment and conclusion, you’ll never learn and grow if you do that.  Here’s how to have the same conversation the civilized way.

You: Whom did you vote for?
Customer: Trump
You: Why did you vote for him?
Customer: I like that he wants to get the US out of foreign engagements we have no business being in and I like that he promises to protect US steel industry because that’s a matter of national security.  We need to have a robust steel industry in case we go to war…
You: Interesting, I never thought of it that way, thanks for the insight.  Do you think Trump is a racist?
Customer: Not anymore than any of the other candidates.  He’s just more uncensored and I care more about results than insults.

Always ask at least 2 follow up questions.  (Again, too many and you’ll annoy some people so watch for that). The more questions you ask, the closer you’ll get to the truth.  Another uncouth conversation:

You: How are you?
Customer: I’m fine.  How are you?
You: Omigod, my math professor is such a stupid jerk off.  Can you believe he doesn’t give partial credit?  Who does that?  I mean, I’m really good at Math, I got straight As in it in high school and now I have a C.  How is that possible?  Don’t you think there’s something wrong with him?

That’s how skanks talk — mostly about themselves and their own stupid problems.  Few people care about your problems. Some will pretend to care. An escort, for instance, talks to show solidarity with her customer.  Example:

Customer: my son is having a lot of problems at school.
You: I’m sorry.  Boys are really tough to deal with at that age.  He’ll grow out of it, I’m sure.

A courtesan, on the other hand, talks to solve other people’s problems. Example:

Customer: my son is having a lot of problems at school.
You: What sort of problems?
Customer: drugs, not doing his schoolwork.  He’s close to flunking out.
You: Why is he doing those things?
Customer: Not sure.  He could be bored, he doesn’t learn the way they want him to learn.
You: Would you consider a boarding school that’s better suited for his learning style?
Customer: Maybe.  Tell me more…

This conversation gives customer an opportunity to get beyond ranting, to think about solutions to his problem.  The courtesan’s value is in her usefulness, not her sex.

Avoid Banalities and Cliches
Make yourself stand out.  If everyone else is asking: “Hi, how are you?” then find another question to ask.  “Where are you going?,” for instance.  Example:

You: Where are you going after this?
Customer: Checking out a wedding venue.
You: You getting married?
Customer: Yes!
You: Do you have a caterer?
Customer: No, why do you ask?
You: We’ve catered weddings.  Can we put a bid in?
Customer: Absolutely!

Asking people *what* they’re doing will generate more business and social opportunities.  Another example:

You: What do you do for work?
Customer: I’m a structural engineer.
You: Hey, I’m majoring in Physics to become a structural engineer.  Do you have internships?
Customer: We do. Have a resume ready by Friday and I’ll stop in to look at it.
You: Awesome, will do.  Thanks!

See why some people have all the luck?  These people live a different routine from those who have no luck or bad luck.  You’re responsible for your own karma.

Don’t Lie to Customer
There are few instances where lying is justified.  We’re not going to get into those because most people in America are compulsive liars. It’s a polite nation.

Say “I don’t know.”
That’s what intelligent people say when they don’t know something.  Only broken, insecure people with inflated self-esteem make random guesses.  These people are more concerned with how they look than the truth and they end up looking good only to those who can’t help them move ahead.

It’s ok to guess as long as you let the customer know that you’re making an educated guess.

Never Say What You Don’t Mean
Even when a customer says hi to you with an insincere and trite greeting — “How are you?” — don’t just play along to be polite — “I’m fine, thank you.  How are you?” — if that’s not how you feel.  Compulsive lying begins with seemingly benign little lies.  Batshit crazy also begins with thinking that everything needs to be A-ok all the fucking time and with suppressing your emotions.  Engaging in scripted politeness will also train you to NOT listen when people talk.  Don’t let these savages destroy your life.  Alternative responses to the vapid “How are you?” question:

“Dunno, haven’t thought about it.”  (This one elicits the most laughs)
“Why do you ask?”
Ignore the question. (What I usually do)

Or answer honestly.  It could be “I’m fine.”  Could also be:

“I’m angry.  I want to beat the shit out of someone.”
“I’m really confused because my boyfriend told me something last night that came out of nowhere yada yada yada….”

Don’t let customers violate your integrity.  Don’t lie about stupid shit because if you do, you’ll soon start lying about all sorts of shit out of habit.

Be Precise and Say Less
The more you say, the less people will understand and trust you.  Say only what needs to be said.  Say what you have to say in as few words as possible to minimize misunderstanding and sounding like a rambling idiot. Example:

Customer: What do you do with the juice fiber?
Bad Answer: Well, we generally just throw out most of it.  Some of it though we’ll use to make the raw carrot cake desert.  We’ll also use it in the avocado salad.
Good Answer: (pointing to fridge) Carrot cake and avocado salads.

The good answer will result in more customers exploring other products.  Bad answer will confuse most customers.  Keep it simple.  Less is more, less is more.

Control Customer Perception and Expectations
Customer perception and expectations are as important as the products themselves.  It’s similar to psychological framing:

The framing effect is an example of cognitive bias, in which people react to a particular choice in different ways depending on how it is presented…

Much of the perception and expectations are framed by the decor, prices, and online marketing (yelp reviews, Facebook updates).  You frame it by how you describe our products.

Never use superlatives — “tastes incredible” — to describe our products.  Taste is subjective so that’s for the customer to decide.  Just describe the flavor and texture profile of a product.  Reference familiar flavors and textures if that helps.  Examples:

Bad: “The Supermodel tastes great and will make you look like a Supermodel, guaranteed!”
Good: Probably won’t make you a Supermodel. But you’ll feel like one: mildly hungry, bitchy, and jaded.  You’ll understand why Naomi Campbell throws phones at people.”  (description on menu).

Those who order the Supermodel often comment on how it’s a lot more filling than they expected.

Play the slow game.  Be modest, never boastful.  It’ll make our products taste better. The sales will come.

Be Dignified
If a customer treats you poorly, it’s your fault not the customer’s. Only undignified people blame others when treated poorly. The dignified blame themselves and take steps to ensure it never happens again.

This is difficult to pull off because most American schools and much of American society train people to play victim.  Society even celebrates victims, as Nietzsche predicted it would (slave morality). Avoid the temptation to play victim, it’ll dis-empower you.  Be noble, not pathetic.  From our application question, pick what you think most people pick:

Someone mugs you.  Whose fault is it that you were mugged?
a) Mugger’s fault
b) Your fault
c) Society’s fault

Leftist Lemmings pick C. Kookie Conservatives pick A.  Noble people pick B.  The moment you think like a victim is the moment you lose control of your destiny and become a victim.  The predators can smell a prey who deserves to be eaten.

Be Commanding
If you can tell that a customer doesn’t like something, *command* them to return it and fix it to their liking.  Don’t ask them if they want you to fix it because they would’ve asked you to do so already if they’re well adjusted adults. No, you’re dealing with cowards who prefer childish lies: “no, it’s fine” (usually the problem is that it’s too green tasting) when it’s not because they think it’s rude to say otherwise.  So you have to *command* them to do what’s best for them, treat them like the children they are.  Say “bring it here, I’ll fix it.” And resist the urge to call that person a “passive-aggressive fucktard” as you fix the problem.

 

How to Go To School (without turning into a dumbass)

Since most of you are either too scared to drop out of school or you think I’m a crazy mofo for wanting to end mandatory education and to cut funding to ALL public education, here’s a guide on *How to Go to School* for you.  Read it if you want to get something positive out of all that mostly wasted time you spend in school.  Read it if you don’t want to come out of school as an unemployable idiot — the Artificial Intelligence Economy is waiting for you — who has to be retrained and reprogrammed by whoever hires you.

Proper Mindset

School, as is life, is a game.  Most schools are as interesting as a game of Candyland.  That’s why most students become bored with school.

With the proper mindset, you can, as Steve Jobs had, escape the boredom that will crush your curiosity and will to live.  A few principles to live by.

1. It’s YOUR job to teach and educate yourself, not the teacher’s job to teach and educate you. If you can’t learn something on your own, you won’t learn it at school.  (Repeat that until it’s burning in your head).

The reason why so many high school and college graduates are poorly educated and struggle with even arithmetic is because they thought they were done learning what was being taught when they passed the class and graduated from school.  Wrong.  You don’t become a concert pianist merely by taking a one hour lesson once a week, you become one by practicing practicing and practicing on your own for five hours a day EVERYDAY to learn the material assigned to you well enough so the teacher can critique what you learned — mostly on your own — to play.
..
Another way to think of it: let’s play a game where we drop you in the middle of a 10,000 acre forest and you have to find your way out by sunset.  In scenario A, all you’re given is a compass.  In scenario B, you’re given a detailed map and a gps tracker that tells you easiest route to take and a gun just in case.  In scenario A, you don’t make it out until just before sunset.  In scenario B you make it out with 4 hours to spare.  Which scenario taught you more and was more fun and rewarding (and scary)?  Which scenario will prepare you for the real deal, when you have nothing but your wits to make it out alive?

Point is, most teachers tell you how to solve a problem rather than teach you to solve it yourself because that’s the easy way and you complete the assignment faster — 4 hours to spare — even though you didn’t learn much. That’s why so many people don’t know what to do when they encounter an unusual circumstance.  When you’ve been trained to follow procedures to solve problems instead of coming up with your own procedures to solve them, you’ll become bored with school and work and unable to solve novel problems that pop up *all the time* because shit happens *all the time.*  Innovation and understanding is possible only when you figure it out on your own, not when you follow someone’s directions.

Consider how polyglots become fluent in so many languages.  They don’t have super duper brains built for language learning or the time and money to take language classes.  They do, however, have a different approach to learning than most people, as explained in video below.

One is that polyglots don’t rely on school and teachers to teach them a new language because it psychologically handicaps them — “they expect to be spoon-fed…are waiting to be taught.” The spoon-fed method isn’t going to work because “languages can’t be taught, they can only be learned,” says polyglot Luca Lampariello.  Not relying on teachers to learn also allows polyglots to do another thing differently — they create their own textbooks and teaching methods that best suit their needs and learning styles. I mean, imagine you had to jerk off ONLY to someone else’s fantasies and porn preferences even though you have no sexual preferences in common with that person. Jerking off is not so fun when you’re forced to watch Uncle Shirley get rimmed by Hulk Hogan when what you really want to see is Miss Venezuela play with her pussy, right?  Learning *anything* is the same way, it’s YOUR vision and imagination that’ll make something fun and easy to learn. So stop with the lame excuses — “teacher sucked!” — when you get that low AP score. It’s your fault you’re mentally crippled, not anyone else’s.

2. The point of learning something is to help you solve problems, yours and those of others. (Solving problems is also the point of meaningful work. One can’t love work when it’s for a paycheck).

We have an employee headed to UW.  He was a good high school student — 1490 SATs, 5 on BC Calc exam — and wants to major in Computer Science. On paper he looks like good candidate to be accepted into the program. I asked him what aps he’s made.  None, except for a couple of silly ones he was told to make in his high school Comp Sci class.  So I told him that his computer science peers have been making aps since they were in middle-school.  And the reason for that is they see coding as one of many tools available to solve problems, whereas this employee sees coding as a means to a financially secure and stable life.  Meaning his chances of getting into the program are low unless he changes his mindset — his approach to life — soon.

See how some become Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos, while others spend their work lives debugging monotonous lines of code? If you don’t see what you’re learning as a tool to solve problems, you’re not going to learn it.  That’s why most students forget what they learn in school.  They don’t see the point because they never ask what the point is, precisely because most schools beat beat bash beat the curiosity and independence out of them.

3. Call yourself a “stupid, lazy, cunt” every morning. And pretend to drop kick anyone who tells you you’re “smart” or good at something. That’s how those inscrutable Asians rise to the top of the class.

Here’s how those sneaky Asians do it, if you need an example.

Asians treat their kids this way because they know that complacency and self-satisfaction is right around the corner. One wrong turn and it’s over and it’s usually the inflated ego (aka self-esteem) that pulls you in the wrong direction. Proof: while first and second generation Asian Americans score higher than White counterparts, third generation Asian Americans score on par with White counterparts.  What do you think happened? Pick:

a) Third generation Asian-Ams stopped taking brain boosting Oriental herbal medicine
b) Third generation Asians-Ams eat too much pizza instead of bok choy
c) Third generation Asians-Ams assimilated and copied middle-class American parenting

Answer is “C.”

More evidence, this one from NIH study on teenage self-esteem.

Large-scale representative surveys of 8th-, 10th-, and 12th-grade students in the United States show high self-esteem scores for all groups. African-American students score highest, Whites score slightly higher than Hispanics, and Asian Americans score lowest.

African Americans have the highest self-esteem, despite performing the worst academically.  Let that sink in. Asian Americans have the lowest self-esteem, despite performing the best academically.   That’s right, those slant eyed motherfuckers have the lowest self-esteem, despite performing the best academically.  Correlation? Hey Black readers, maybe you should convince African Americans to emulate Asians instead of dancing the way White liberals tell you to dance. #Walkaway

If you’re a closet racist — like Harvard’s champagne socialist admissions committee — and still think Asians lack traits such as “courage and kindness,” (and of course, creativity) — as Harvard’s admissions committee does, it was recently revealed — and thus don’t want to emulate them, then listen to Bill Gates.

Bill Gates said:

Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.

Or how about the White psychologists who found the Dunning-Kruger effect?  Definition from Wiki:

 In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people of low ability have illusory superiority and mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. The cognitive bias of illusory superiority comes from the inability of low-ability people to recognize their lack of ability; without the self-awareness of metacognition, low-ability people cannot objectively evaluate their actual competence or incompetence.[1] On the other hand, people of high ability incorrectly assume that tasks that are easy for them are also easy for other people.[2]

Or how about Socrates, the father of Western philosophy?  He said:

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.

Or you can follow the advice of a bunch of nitwits and live in a miserable world nobody wants to live in.

He taught for 30 years and quit because he was tired of being asked to abuse his students.

What Makes a Good School?

  • Good schools teach grit and curiosity. Students at such schools are taught to struggle with and solve difficult problems on their own and with others, and to ask questions without fear of reprisal. (See Harkness Table Method used at many of the top schools).
  • Good schools make competitive sports a required part of the curriculum. Sports teaches grit and how to handle emergencies, makes the body more graceful, and trains students to hone and trust their instincts.
  • Good schools require participation in performance arts, especially theater arts. Theater prepares student to be comfortable in front of large audience, cultivates the memory, and teaches students to be more aware of how the intonation of their speech and the grace of their gestures affects people.
  • Good schools set higher and higher expectations and expect students to achieve them.
  • Good schools teach students that only they can educate themselves.

What Makes a Bad School?

  • Bad schools are concerned about the emotional health of students, which ironically makes them emotionally frail and crazy.
  • Bad schools tell students how to solve problems instead of letting them solve them on their own.
  • Bad schools reward knowledge instead of curiosity and train students to not trust their instincts.
  • Bad schools allow students to make excuses when they don’t meet standards and encourage students to lower their standards (take easier classes) to get better grades.
  • Bad schools teach students that they need school to educate themselves.

There are over 35,000 secondary schools in the US. I estimate there are 200 good ones, and a total of 500 worth attending (half of them are public schools like Stuyvesant and most private schools are garbage). Chances are, you attend one of the bad schools.  That’s ok, you don’t have to go to Lakeside to become Bill Gates.  You can attend a bad school and still become Steve Jobs as he did as long as you’re mentally prepared to dodge the stupid thinking they try to get you to internalize. Or you can let yourself become mentally crippled, needy, and docile, like caged rats in a psychology experiment.  Choose.

Frequently Asked Questions XVIII

Gossip

Was Anthony Bourdain murdered?
Don’t know.

Why would anyone want to kill him?
He’s pissed off a lot of people.

Did he commit suicide after finding out that his girlfriend cheated on him? 
She says they had an open relationship.  Not sure he thought the same.

Did Bourdain influence you?
Yes.  Especially his second book, “Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of food.”  Used it as a guide to running a restaurant. It showed me how to treat customers and employees.

Business
Do you deliver?
DoorDash delivers for us.

Is there a fee?
Yes, we charge 10 percent on every order and DoorDash charges another fee that we have no control over.

Why is there a mannequin in the bathroom?  
To stare at your penis if you have one.

Why doesn’t the owner respond when I greet him with “Hi, how are you”?
He doesn’t respond to insincere questions or questions that mean something other than what’s asked.

Why does he have to be such a dick.  I’m just trying to be polite and friendly. 
Insincerity and fraudulent living begins with seemingly harmless fraudulent exchanges that pressure people to believe that they have to be happy all the time in order to be normal.

What should I say instead?
“Hello” or “Good Morning” are a few examples. Less is more, less is more…

How about, “Hey, Asshole?”
That works.  As long as it’s sincere.

Dance Studio
There are boxing lessons?
Yes, ask owner and he’ll connect you with instructor.

Why should I take boxing lessons?
Improve mental toughness and your sense of rhythm.

Do I have to be buff or in great shape to take it?
No.  You won’t get hurt, promise. It’ll be fitness heavy if you’re not in good shape.  You won’t get to hit anything or get hit until you’re ready.

Clothing Store
What’s going on with clothing store?
It’s being converted into a book-centric thrift store.  So there’ll still be clothes and maybe other knick knacks.

Cool, what sort of books?
Books that respectable middle-class people are afraid to keep in their homes (so they sneak read elsewhere).  From Milo Yiannapolous to Anais Nin to Georges Bataille to a Traci Lords biography (we have it).

Can I sell books?
Yes, we’ll take most books in exchange for $1 juice bar credit per book.  Certain books we’ll pay more for.

What type of books?
Any genre, we won’t judge.  How we categorize the books will surprise you.

 

Eight Years Old

We’re eight years old!  Thanks to those who’ve helped us make it this far. We’re grateful for your humor and patience. We’re often not easy to deal with!

View More: http://raneyday.pass.us/alive-juice-bar

(Left to Right): Moe, Sally, and Muffin say “Thanks for putting up with us.  Especially when Muffin unexpectedly lands in your salad.”

Future Plans
We’ll continue to spread Redneck values that built this nation while lampooning the ridiculous and insipid middle-class manners and sensibilities that are making people fat and/or crazy.

Marketing
We’ve successfully brought in the “Thug & Redneck” demographic.  Now we’re going after Generation Z customers, who are already, and more than any recent generation, questioning the sanity of the middle-class mindset.  Let them know that students get $1 off drinks. (Those smart enough to drop out of school get $500 gift card).

Juice Bar Location
We’ll likely move the juice bar to another location once the lease is up in 2020.  (24 Fitness will move to another location by then).  Possibilities:

  • Mountlake Terrace Town Center (Diamond Knot and Double D Meats)
  • Downtown Snohomish
  • Anacortes

We’d convert into a hybrid restaurant that’s a juice bar for breakfast and lunch and a (redneck) bistro in the evening.  We may even add a produce and specialty goods section, something similar to the defunct Mana Mills.

Dance Studio
If we move, we’re not taking the dance studio with us.  Unless we end up in Mountlake Terrace town center, then maybe we open another one.

Clothing store.
It’s on the verge of closing and being converted into another workout room to host Body Posing and Boxing classes that’s held in our dance studio. Final decision soon.

Prepared Meals
We’re trying to grow the prepared meals part of the business. We can hit the price point most customers expect, we just need help with account management and sales. Let us know if you’re interested in helping us grow this into a spin-off business.

Our prepared meals contain 5-6 oz of protein, 6 oz. of fiber dense starch, 12 oz. of veggies. Correct portions for most people.

There’s still a lot of work to do.  Let do it!  Agape.

Moe and Sally say “Hi!”

 

How to Get Kids To Eat Their Veggies and To Love Their Parents

Let’s back up so we can get to the source of the problem.  How do you get someone to fall in love with you?  Pick:

a) Be really really nice to that person.
b) Hire a witch, cast a love spell.
c) Get that person to do things for you.

Option A doesn’t work, it gets you either ignored or used because nice is cheap, it’s ineffective, it’s too easy to pull off, there’s too much of it around.

Option B comes with a lot of side-effects and it can get weird when the spell hits the wrong target so better not.

Option C works, not because “relationship experts” say so, but because it’s the option that requires the most work.  Life isn’t supposed to be easy.

Why Kids Don’t Love Their Parents
People assume their kids love them because they think it’s a law of nature for kids to love their parents.  Not so, according to the Story of Oedipus, that motherfucker murdered his dad and then fucked his mom.  This story endures in public consciousness because it reminds us of the uncomfortable truths we’d prefer to not think about, or to only consider academically. Deep down, and in spite of incessant bromides about self-love as the solution, we know we’re no longer in the Garden of Eden and we’re unsure of what to do about it.

What makes the Story of Oedipus so unsettling and compelling is that while every character in the story knew what was supposed to go down, nobody knew what was happening.  That’s the most terrifying kind of horror. If it had just been a story about some kid throwing a shit fit for getting grounded and killing dad and raping mom in the process, we’d treat it as a sad and tragic spectacle and assume the kid became a sociopath because he was molested by his football coach and his mom was a drunk who called him a “stupid, useless, cunt” one too many times.

Instead, it’s a story about funked up shit happening to good people who try their best as parents.  Oedipus was born to good parents who had to make a difficult decision — abort their only child to save the kingdom and themselves. So they left him for dead in the middle of nowhere.  Oedipus, luckily (or unluckily), was found and saved by someone and then adopted by good parents — king and queen from another kingdom. And he tried to be a good son — when a prophet told him that he’d kill his dad and fuck his mom, he exiled himself, not realizing that he would soon unknowingly encounter his birth dad.

Only encounter with birth dad, they squabble and Oedipus beats the shit out of him, killing him. First prophesy fulfilled and nobody realizes it. Which invites us to ask unsettling questions about ourselves: would I love my parents/children if they weren’t my parents/children? Would I hate them and want to kill them, as Oedipus did? Would my kid love me if she didn’t need me to survive?

How many of us are Oedipus?  How many of us don’t want to kill dad and rape mom, but do so anyway, without realizing it?

How to Teach Kids to Love Their Parents

The Story of Oedipus reminds us that we live in a cruel and lonely world and nothing should be taken for granted. We can’t assume there’s an unbreakable and spiritual love-bond between a parent and a child.  And whatever bond there is is sociological and ephemeral, love requires a lot of work and perseverance.  Check out the confessions section of Scary Mommy if you don’t believe me.

If love is an action and not a feeling, then like most actions, it has to be taught and practiced, it doesn’t just happen. Teaching a kid to love a parent requires the same effort as making friends or getting someone to fall in love with you, it’s the same dynamic.  To make friends, you have to figure out a way to get that person to do something for you so they become emotionally invested in you. Benjamin Franklin, from his autobiography, on how to make friends:

He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.[

Make the person do something for you. Make them invest in you.  Below is an example of how Franklin turned an enemy into a friend:

Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return’d it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.

Take something away from someone if you want to make an enemy.  Give something away for free too often if you want to be used and disrepected. Have someone give you something if you want a friend.  Same dynamic when seeking romantic love,  according to random “romantic relationship expert”:

In fact, when people see you doing stuff for them for free, unsolicited, or uncompensated, their thought is never, “Wow, what a great guy! I should repay him in spades!” but rather, “Oh, that’s nice – it’s nice having nice people around like this who give me stuff. Thanks, nice person!”

Yeah yeah, I know your friend paid you back with food and drink when you helped her move.  That’s why you’re friends. You wouldn’t be friends anymore if she hadn’t reciprocated, right? Because it’d be disrespectful to not reciprocate.  Yet there are parents who keep giving and giving and giving to their kids while getting little or nothing in return; or the nice guy who keeps paying for dates and buying gifts but can’t get a commitment or even a make out session from his crush. Parents will then blame technology and culture for producing entitled, disrespectful and narcissistic kids; the nice guy will blame women for preferring assholes.  Both of which are lame excuses that prevents them from blaming the source of the problem: themselves.

Nice people are liked, but not respected, we learn from history and classical literature and political philosophy.  “Now that’s fucked up,” some of you are thinking, “I won’t play that game.” Fine, but don’t play martyr when disrespected because it’s a lot easier to play Santa than to empower someone to become who she wants to be.  Kobe Bryant, one of the most disliked AND respected NBA players of all-time on what he wished he had done with his money when he made his first millions early in his career:

You will come to understand that you were taking care of them because it made YOU feel good; it made YOU happy to see them smiling and without a care in the world…While you were feeling satisfied with yourself, you were slowly eating away at their own dreams and ambitions. You were adding material things to their lives, but subtracting the most precious gifts of all: independence and growth.

“While you were feeling satisfied with yourself,” because Kobe’s been there, he’s done that. He knows a handout is the quintessential narcissistic douche bag act that’s neither effective nor an act of love precisely because it’s the easy thing to do to gain short-term pleasure at the expense of another person’s dignity and long-term happiness.  Kobe on how he wished he had treated people when he earned his first millions:

When your [NBA] dream comes true…you need to figure out a way to invest in the future of your family and friends. “I said INVEST. I did not say GIVE.

Invest means not giving girlfriend the weekend getaway she wants until she passes a section of the CPA exam she’s been studying for; no blowjobs until husband sets personal sales record for the month; no squeeky toy for dog until she learns a new obstacle course; no catnip until the cat catches that mouse.  This is how people and animals learn to perform at high levels. And that’s why it’s so hard to do so, why it’s easier to give than to invest: investing requires self-denial, patience, respect, and the ability to enter another’s spirit. Giving merely fulfills immediate needs, it’s like giving heroin to someone who is in pain, or candy to a kid so he stops crying.  Kobe on the effectiveness of investing rather than giving:

As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result.

So how do we *teach* a kid to love his parents?  To begin with, teach the kid to become *emotionally invested* in the parents.  And it starts early, by drilling habits. Meaning, parents don’t tie a kid’s shoes, kid ties parents’s shoes and shines them.  Parents don’t spend money to entertain kid, kid entertains parents by memorizing and reciting parents’s favorite poems and performing their favorite songs. Parents don’t pay for kid’s pedicure and massage session just because, kid massages her parents feet every day after school to earn that right once a quarter. Parents don’t cook and clean for kid, kid cooks and clean for parent and if the food sucks, send it back, have kid redo it because that’s how it is in the real world.  Parents don’t take kid out to dinner to celebrate first job; kid takes parents out to dinner when he gets his first paycheck to thank them for the opportunity to have a job and for driving him to and from. Parents don’t pay for kid’s grand tour after college graduation, kid saves and saves and saves to send parents on all-expense paid vacation to thank them. Parents don’t buy their kids their first house,  kid buys parent a vacation home before buying their first. That’s how to teach a kid to not send parent to a decrepit rat-infested nursing home when parent turns geriatric.  That’s how to teach a kid that love is an act, not a narcissistic and impressionistic feeling.

“But they won’t do any of the above,” some parents are thinking. Then reject them, just as you should reject an abusive spouse or a friend who stabs you in the back.  Because when a kid takes and takes and takes and never gives only asks for more, that’s abuse, they’re learning how to be abusive and they’re going to be abusers as adults. Why put up with it? Why feed it?  Only people who suffer from Battered Spouse Syndrome put up with that kind of shit.

helovesame

She knows, because she forgave him after she caught him fucking her sister.

batteredwifesyndromecycle

She gives all her money to her daughter. Her daughter routinely calls her a “cunt” and tells her to “shut the fuck up” when asked to do the dishes.

How to Get Kid Who Doesn’t Want to Eat Veggies to Eat Them

Answer is the same as how to get a kid to love parents.  Back to the question asked in the beginning:

How do you get someone to fall in love with you?  (Or, how do you get your kid to love you)? Correct answer in bold:

a) Be really really nice to that person.
b) Hire a witch, cast a love spell.
c) Get that person to do things for you

Which is easier said than done.  It takes a lot of work to get a kid to be emotionally invested in parents’s well being by teaching and training her to take care of her parents the moment she can walk on her own. If she doesn’t get in the habit of doing things for her parents early in her life, she won’t do it when parents are late in their lives. Amy Chua (aka Tiger Cunt to some) knows that so she trains her daughters — even at ages 20 and 23 — to be her bitches.  Here’s a contract she wrote and had them sign when she sensed her daughters were going to take advantage of her generosity:

WHEREAS Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld are the owners of Apt. [XXX] at [XXX], and their children are not;

WHEREAS Children owe their parents everything, even in the West, where many have conflicted feelings about this;

NOW THEREFORE

In exchange for Amy and Jed allowing them to stay in their NYC apartment from June 1, 2016 to August 1, 2016, Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld and Louisa Chua-Rubenfeld agree to the following irrevocable duties and conditions:

1. To occupy only the junior bedroom.

2. To greet Jed Rubenfeld & Amy Chua with spontaneous joy and gratitude whenever they visit.

3. To make their (joint) bed every day, and not to fight about who does it.

4. To never, ever use the phrase, “Relax—it’s not a big deal.”

5. To always leave all internal doors in the apartment wide open whenever Jed, Amy or any company whatsoever (including relatives) are in the apartment, with an immaculately made bed in full view and no clothing or other junk on the floor of the bedroom in sight.

6. Whenever any guests visit, to come out of the bedroom immediately in a respectable state, greet the guests with enthusiasm, and sit and converse with the guests in the living room for at least 15 minutes.

7. To always be kind to our trusty Samoyeds Coco and Pushkin, who Sophia and Louisa hereby agree have greater rights to the apartment than Sophia and Louisa do, and to walk them to the dog park at least once a day when they visit, within 30 minutes of being asked to do so by Amy.

8. To fill the refrigerator with fresh OJ from Fairway for Jed on days when he is in town.

9. To keep the pillows in the living room in the right place and PLUMPED and to clean the glass table with Windex whenever it is used.

ADDITIONALLY, Sophia and Louisa agree that the above duties and conditions will not be excused even in the event of illness, hangovers, migraines, work crises or mental breakdowns (whether their own or their friends’).

Sophia and Louisa agree that if they violate any one of these conditions, Amy and Jed will have the right to get the Superintendent or a doorman to restrain them from entering the apartment; and to change the locks.

All of which are reasonable requests since they’re getting free rent in one of the most expensive real estate markets in the world. Tiger Cunt on above contract:

The fact is, we’re never off the hook as parents. Even when your kids are in their 20s, it’s still a constant balancing act. Are we asking too much of them or too little? Are we being strong and holding them to a high standard, or just being too critical? Are we teaching them by example how to live a happy, meaningful, giving life?

More importantly, she’s teaching them how to reciprocate and to not take advantage of other people’s kindness.  She’s teaching them how to be gracious. She’s teaching them how to love. She doesn’t hope for reciprocity and respect, she demands it.

From UK Guardian:

Food researchers at Ohio State University and Cornell University in New York found that children are five times more likely to eat salad when they have grown it themselves.

Children who are *emotionally invested* in the food in front of them are more likely to eat it. They don’t necessarily have to grow it — they can prep or serve it, for instance — they just have to be involved in the work of making a meal happen to become emotionally invested.

kidgrow

Her smile isn’t fake, she wasn’t forced to smile.  She grows and eats her veggies.

Japan_Lunch_161358640906

Third graders in Japan serving food to classmates. Even though they’re not smiling, they’re still happy.  Or maybe they’re not happy about having to drink milk because they’re lactose intolerant, as are most Asians.  Either way, they’re going to eat their veggies.  Unless the Washington Post reporter is lying.  If he is, he’s a dickhead.

How to Get Kids Involved in Making Their Own Meals

But some kids don’t want to be involved in making their own meals. Which brings us back to the source of the problem: kids who’ve never been trained to love their parents (don’t misread that, read it carefully). That’s where it begins.  A lot of people think that pain-in-the-ass kids are the way they are because their parents haven’t loved them enough, haven’t done enough for them.  No, look around, look especially at the middle-class fuck ups, they’re the way they are not because they grew up poor or their parents have neglected them or they weren’t loved enough, but because they’ve never had to do anything for their parents.  They never had to earn their parents’s love.  They never learned to love.

A child who doesn’t know how to love another isn’t going to be able to learn how to love eating veggies.  Such a child is accustomed to receiving love (pleasure) from his parents without having to work for it.  So why would he want to work at improving his palate when he’s been trained to receive pleasure immediately and often, without pain and effort? Getting such a child to eat vegetables is the least of our worries. There’s going to be meth addiction.

Love isn’t the solution, it should be the end result.  By making love the solution, it becomes the problem. Children don’t need more love, they need to learn how to love. Only when they learn to love will they be ready to experience how good a succulent bite of sausage can be when preceded with a crisp bite of lightly sauteed zucchini; and appreciate the effort put into loving them from those who love them the most.

Frequently Asked Questions XVII

General

Is it true the owner tried to stab a customer to death with a carrot?  
Who told you that?

How do people react when they’re charged the $5 Idiot Tax?
Fucking pissed.  

How are you still in business?
D
on’t know.

Why would the owner defend McDonald’s?  link here  
So people take responsibility for their problems instead of blaming convenient scapegoats.

Where did Roxanne G. learn to troll?
She participated in rap battles starting in middle-school.

Who are the greatest trollers of all time?
Socrates is the grand-daddy of Western trollers, known for his epic comebacks. Nietzsche is my favorite, he was Eminem before Eminem. Eminem is another great one.  Jesus Christ is up there, the way he dissed the Pharisees is legendary.  Schopenhauer wrote a great manual (The Art of Controversy).  Milo Yiannapolous is entertaining but hasn’t reached level of the great ones.

schopenhauer2

Called Hegel a “flat-headed, insipid, nauseating, illiterate charlatan.”

Products

You offer gift cards? 
Yes!

Are you going to sell more cacao? 
Yes, and we’re going to offer more affordable version.  Won’t have the fancy packaging but it’ll cost less.

Where can I get turmeric that’s affordable? 
We sell it for $10/lb. Or go to JD’s Market on 44th and 200th, Lynnwood.  That’s where we get it.

What’ so great about turmeric? 
Reduces inflammation as well as leading anti-inflammation drugs without the side effects.

Do you offer gluten-free gravy?
Yes, it’s a special order.  We make it with cauliflower.   If there’s something you want that’s not on our menu, ask. You’ll be surprised with what we can make.

Health and Obesity

Why does owner think verbal compliments are the gateway to obesity and heroin addiction? 
Vacant gratuitous compliments are like empty calories: they provide short-term pleasure but long-term pain. When the addicted experience withdrawal symptoms, they’ll use food to make up for insufficient verbal compliments.  When food isn’t enough, they use heroin and other drugs.

Some think it’s polite to give vacant gratuitous compliments.  It’s not, it’s similar to those who say they’re packing love when they pack a school lunch full of empty calories for their kids.  Or giving candy to a kid to shut him up.  These addictions didn’t start with food and pharmaceutical companies, they started at the earliest stages of life.

creepycandy

Dude giving candy to kids — polite nice guy or creeper?

Society

Does NPR provide balanced news?
As far as American mainstream media goes, it offers the most balanced reporting.  

Does it lean left or right?
NPR promotes conservative personal values and, paradoxically, left-leaning social politics.

What do you mean? 
Typical NPR listener is upper-middle class and they love it when NPR features variations of Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours rule and Carol Dweck’s grit and resilience philosophy.  Put simply, they value for themselves *hard-work over talent,* never allow themselves and their children to make excuses, and put in 60-80 hour work weeks.  Yet they allow those less fortunate to make excuses (and often make excuses for them) and to think that talent trumps effort, and support policies that infantalize them.

Why do they expect less from the less fortunate?
Modern day noblesse oblige.  Nothing generous or noble about it.