We make the nasty shit taste good. Doing our best to transform ridiculous middle-class habits and sensibilities…one business at a time.
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Recent Posts
- Intro to “How to go to school like an Asian” (upcoming book)
- Intro to “How to Eat Like an Asshole” 2nd Edition
- FAQ about Alive Juice Bar 3.0, downtown Everett
- The secret life of a Juice Nazi (an investigative report) ((trigger warning — disturbing images inside))
- Are Vaccines Safe and Effective? (What We Can Learn from Japan)
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Categories
Meta
anne
/ January 15, 2015Hi there. I am unable to find another way to do this but there is someone posting some things on craigslist that I find hard to believe about your company. I have never been there however if these are true I would not go there nor recommend anyone there if this is really a manager reporting these things. Listed below are the links. I will also post some quotes in case these get taken down. http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/fbh/4847598321.html
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/fbh/4847646760.html
“Drinks wheatgrass (bullshit juice)Job duties: prep food and drinks with precision and alacrity; change expletive laden music when kids walk in; serve customers; listen to, learn about and from customers; never say “no” to customer; tell customer to fuck off; remind customers to shut bathroom door; figure out what people really want, not what they say/think they want; recognize patterns of behavior; deal with hung-over and/or emotional co-workers; ask questions; draw stuff on windows; download music; clean mess; correct co-worker’s grammar; explain why ionized water is for dumbasses; explain difference between glycemic load and glycemic index so customers stop freaking out about carrot juice; tell customer it’s ok to stare at your ass but be discreet about it; ask customer if he has a small penis; ask customer if she has a big penis; ask customer to show his penis; ask customer if she wants to bitch slap you with her big penis; make co-worker stop acting like a whiny bitch; babysit your Bitch.
If you want to know what owner thinks about White people, read: https://foodyap.wordpress.com/2014/10/22/why-we-dont-carry-wheatgrass/
Seeking nice person who:
* Starts every sentence with a compliment
* Can say “hello,” and “thank-you.” in a foreign language
* Has never scratched, slapped, or bitten someone during sex
* Doesn’t like it when dogs sniff each other’s butts because that’s dirty
* Considers a neutered dog humping another neutered dog rape
* Addresses customers as “Maam” or “Sir.”
* Spends at least 2 hours a day complimenting people on Facebook
* Never gets angry, regardless of situation
* Smiles all the time
* Sounds like that teacher from South Park when asking for something
* Can listen to R Kelly’s “I Believe I can Fly” all day long without going crazy
* Holds hands behind back while standing
* Holds hands in front while standing
* Never puts hands on hips and rarely uses hand gestures
* Does not honk when car in front is idle at green light
* Drives “safely” by merging onto highway at 40 miles an hour
* Tries to look happy
* Tries to look agreeable
* Tries to look friendly
Here are the e mails to reply to:t2sxw-4847646760@job.craigslist.org
8h36p-4847598321@job.craigslist.org
If this is a legit ad for your company, which I hope it is not, you should find better ways to advertise because this person is obviously getting a lot of “hate mail”.
Alive Juice Bar
/ January 19, 2015Anne, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We’ve found the culprit and are handling the matter in house instead of contacting the police. He’s currently locked naked in our freezer. We’re just going to paint his right arm purple, left leg orange, his face yellow, his penis pink…you get the idea. Then tickle him till he guesses the “safe” word (this could take awhile). Then he’ll be set free.
Adam
/ January 20, 2015Still not sure if the craigslist post is legit but I love the fact you don’t take yourself too seriously! Being politically correct isn’t for everyone and just because you run a business doesn’t mean you have to bow to everyone’s opinion. I like the sense of humor and will be bringing my fat ass down there as I try change my personal health. Just don’t tell me to “Fuck Off” the first time, deal?
Adam
/ January 20, 2015Ok, so an add on comment to my previous post. Absolutely loved the atmosphere, food, and juice. When a Dennis Leary song comes on uncensored and the employees are singing along, I have found the people to help me eat better. Thanks for the great healthy lunch.
Melissa
/ November 15, 2015I’m excited to read more. I have been totally yelled at at your place. But it’s your house! Your rules. Thanks for going against the thoughtless drones that dot our culture – you remind me to pay F*ng attention! Cheers
Alive Juice Bar
/ November 20, 2015He’s probably just yelling above the sound of the blenders and music.
Sandra
/ October 3, 2020Rude, rude.. went in for a smoothie this Saturday at 9 am..waited and when the guy working finally gave me eye contact, i asked “so do you take my order”? Reply was “up to you or you can leave” and then he turned his back to me. I waited a few minutes and then “i left”
Alive Juice Bar
/ October 3, 2020Karen, if it’d make you feel better, we can tie him up and you can bitch slap him with your big black dick.
AL
/ March 29, 2021Any chance I could get one of your new business T-shirts?
Alive Juice Bar
/ March 30, 2021Yes. Thursday or Friday 4 to 8pm!