Frequently Asked Questions Part IV

Links to FAQ I, II, III

Health and Nutrition


Why won’t you use the word “superfood?”
Words like “superfood” are emotionally manipulative.  Makes some people fetishize a “superfood” to the point of eating too much of it. The difference between nutritious and poison is often quantity. Balance is key.

Also troubling is the attendant narrative about how a superfood “empowers the peasants” in some faraway land by providing them additional income.  Some years later, study shows that sudden spike in demand for superfood fucks up agricultural environment, resulting in displacement of peasants. Change in agricultural practices and economic life needs to be slow and gradual if we’re concerned about maintaining stable environment.  The consequences of radical change has always been and will likely always be disaster.

Put simply, the term “superfood” is meant to feed the narcissist in us.

Is that why you don’t carry acai berries, spirulina, and goji berries?

Yes.  Just eat blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries when they’re in season.  They’re just as good for you.  Freeze them if you want to eat them year round. Not saying we shouldn’t eat acai berries.  The demand for a product needs to grow slowly, not suddenly.  As for spirulina, it’s not a cost-effective source of nutrition and there’s nothing “super” about it.  Our aim is to help customers maximize nutritional intake per dollar spent.

Why do you carry quinoa then?  Isn’t that another one of those trendy Andean “superfoods?”
Yes.  We carry it because they look like sperm when they sprout. So cute!

What should I eat to lose weight?
Protein, fat, and fiber.  That combination will keep you feeling full longer.  Cut back on carbs. And no empty calories.

Cooking

How do I become a better cook?
Stop watching food porn. Use recipes as guides, not as directives. Reverse engineer product you want.  Use your senses. Prepare for failure.  Repeat repeat repeat.

What should I practice?
Affordable way to practice is to aim to make a perfect sunny side up egg.  Egg should not be runny or burned on the bottom (often the case at diners, don’t tolerate it, send it back). Plate it. You’ll learn about temperature control and develop dexterity.

How did you prepare to open a juice bar/restaurant?
Spent 5 years operating home kitchen as I would a restaurant.  Meaning, prep work every Sunday and Wednesday to make cooking quick and easy. I was more focused on simplifying workflow processes than products.

 General

 The owner is an asshole.  Why would you work for him?  
Stockholm Syndrome.

What’s the most popular drink?
Taste is subjective.  That’s why we respond with a question about your preferences, instead of answering your question.

What’s your favorite drink?
Taste is subjective.  Which is why we respond with a question about your preferences, instead of answering your question.

I know that, smart ass, I really want to know what your favorite drink is.
Are you asking me out?

What’s the best drink?
Depends on your goals and needs.

Is owner really writing a porn novel?
Yes. Even though he tells people to stop watching porn.

Will he open more stores? 
Juice bar, unlikely.  Thrift store, bistro, yes.  Owner is more interested in changing the cultural landscape of SnoKing neighborhood than evangelizing a brand and way of life.

Relationships

How do I breakup with my boyfriend? I’m bored of him.  
Assuming you want to be humane about it.  Try this:
(E-Mail) “Dear X, we’re breaking up. You have two options: you can either fuck me one last time or you can ask me, over e-mail, three questions. I’ll answer them truthfully.  Either way, thanks for your investment. Let me know.

How do I figure out how many guys my girlfriend has slept with?
Use instinct and guess.  Let’s say it’s 24.  Tell her you’ve slept with 6.  Watch expression on her face.  If she looks pleasantly surprised, then it’s less than 6 (and she’ll probably volunteer info).  If she’s shocked and scared (that you’ll ask her) and she doesn’t reciprocate by telling you her number, it’s at least 12, and likely around 24.

Gossip

Rumor has it owner is a misanthrope.  Is that true?  
He seems to prefer hanging out with animals. We’ll leave it at that.

Is it true that an employee slaughtered a chicken for a meal?
Yes.

Is it true one of the employees was in jail for 4 years?  
Maybe.

This seems like a chill place to work, with the cool music, crazy banter. Yeah?  
Nope.

Heard this place is haunted by the guy who was shot dead back when this was a bar.  True?
We suppose. Would explain the footprints and odd smell in one corner of the store.

 

 

 

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