How to Not Become Stupid in College

It’s 1355, Oxford University.  What do you think Oxford students are doing?  Pick:

a) Studying theology, reading Latin and Greek
b) Debating deep philosophical issues of the day
c) Fucking whores, getting drunk, beating up and murdering townspeople

Correct answer is C.  Read about St. Scholastica Day riots (1355) if you don’t believe me.  Historian Andrew Larsen on college life in Medieval times:

The students were living away from their family and while theoretically they were supposed to be studying, they were out drinking, cavorting with prostitutes, and fighting. It was fairly easy for students to get their hands on weapons. Coroners rolls can attest to that fact because they were full of homicides perpetrated with swords. Surprisingly, in the thirteenth century, less than 10% of murderers were executed. Since many students were clerics, they knew their chances of being executed or severely punished were small. The worst that could happen was being exiled and expelled from the university.

And you thought the rioting at UC Berkeley when Milo Yiannapolous was to give a talk was bad. Millennials nowadays don’t even know how to make a proper molotov cocktail, much less impale someone with a sword.

This Chinaman went to Oxford because he wanted pretty Anglo girls to brush their teeth with his penis. He later went fled to Harvard and Columbia for grad school because back in China, his parents were in deep shit: mother convicted of murder and father for corruption.

 

Some of you still want to go to college.  Fine.  I’ll show you how to go to college without turning out stupid.  First, understand the main purpose of college.

Origins of the Modern University

Point of the Oxford question is that institutions don’t change much even as society and technology does. If you want to understand what’s going on in the present, look to the past. Just don’t fool yourself into believing you’re better than the past because that’s your narcissism talking.

The modern university started as a place where wealthy families could drop off pain-in-the-ass boys and make them someone else’s problem.  These universities — which grew out of monasteries — of course obliged because some faculty eagerly looked forward to yearly arrival of fresh boys (students started at ages 13 or 14 until boarding schools took over the job of socializing teenagers that young).  Another reason to send a boy to college was that clergymen (what graduates became) had a lot of power and powerful families depended on The Church to legitimize and grow their own power.  Meaning, the University served as the locus of collusion between The Church and the Aristocracy, and political and social indoctrination of students was the norm from the beginning.

Classmate says UK Prime Minister stuck his penis in dead pig’s mouth during Oxford initiation ritual. Not much has changed at Oxford.

So the original and primary purpose of the University and of sending kids to college wasn’t to make kids useful or employable or scholarly, it was to consolidate family power.  Sure sure, a few became great scholars but most fucked around while trying to not get expelled.

As the power of the Church waned, the University became more secular and clergymen and theology were replaced with lawyers and legal study. A legal career became the path to political power, as it still is, especially in Anglo nations such as The United States.  Aristocratic children were sent to college not to prepare them for a trade, but to socialize them for leadership and power.  The growing bourgeoisie — particularly wealthy merchants — wanted that power and began sending their sons to college to acquire it.  And the battle between the bourgeoisie against the aristocracy was on.

Fetishizing the Modern University

Modernity and democracy made everyone want a spot at a University, which became synonymous with and fetishized as a source of power.  Universities responded by becoming more meritocratic, so that the best and brightest from the working class were given spots usually reserved for an idiot aristocrat.  But many unqualified working class wanted to go to college too but couldn’t get in.  Society responded by creating new universities of dubious value, and converting teaching colleges and agricultural colleges into universities of inflated value that professionalized trades such as medicine and engineering.  The trades welcomed the intrusion because it inflated the social and economic value of their work, even though schools did and continue to do a shitty job of preparing their students for those jobs.  Historian Sir Spencer Walpole on the value of a college education for those interested in learning a trade:

“…few medical men, few solicitors, few persons intended for commerce or trade, ever dreamed of passing through a university career…The education imparted at Oxford was not such as to conduce to the advancement in life of many persons, except those intended for the ministry.”

Then what’s the point of going to college if not to train for professional employment?  Walpole:

If the average undergraduate carried from University little or no learning, which was of any service to him, he carried from it a knowledge of men and respect for his fellows and himself, a reverence for the past, a code of honour for the present, which could not but be serviceable. He had enjoyed opportunities… of intercourse with men, some of whom were certain to rise to the highest places in the Senate, in the Church, or at the Bar.

The point is, and has always been, social networking.  Which is why the sorority and fraternity or eating club you get into matters more than your GPA.  Unless you want to become an academic, in which case, continue studying and hang out with graduate students.

With social networking in mind, pick your school carefully.  The most prestigious and influential schools produce Presidents, Prime Ministers, Dictators, other high level politicians and business leaders from around the world.  (The most academically prestigious produce Nobel Laureates).  Next tier of schools are influential regionally, such as University of Washington in relation to the Pacific Northwest, or demographically, such as BYU within the Mormon community or Spelman within the Black community. Most schools have no influence.

Question:

Which soon to be graduate will get offers from top tier Wall Street firms? 
a) Lacrosse player from Princeton, 2.4 GPA Sociology major
b) Math and Economics double major from MIT, 3.6 GPA
c) Math major from University of Oregon, 4.0 GPA

Correct answer is A.  Wall Street prefers athletes from top schools because competitive sports mirrors Wall Street work.  His low GPA works in his favor because his major is Sociology and they prefer that he not pay attention to most Sociologists.  Only a few eggheads (MIT) are needed on Wall Street.  And the nerd from Oregon hasn’t been properly socialized for Wall Street.  Medical, business, and law schools also prefer athletes because of applicability of what’s learned from competitive sports to work in medicine, business, and law.

How to Choose a Major and Course of Study

Anyone who tells you to “follow your passion,” imagine beating the shit out of that person.  It’s a stupid cliche and if everyone followed their “passion,” 80 percent of people would be working in the sex industry. Now that you’ve blocked bad advice out of your head, you’re ready to navigate academia.

Hannah wants to get into medical school?  Which major should she choose to increase her chances? 
a) Physics
b) Biology
c) Philosophy

Answer is A because there are few physics majors who apply to medical school and physics majors are better problem solvers than biology majors (and they can be radiologists).  Philosophy is also a good choice, as pre-med philosophy majors have highest overall MCAT scores.  Biology is the worst choice not so much because that’s what most pre-med majors pick, but because it’s not a challenging major.

How it works: there’s a hierarchy of academic disciplines and Math is the mother of all of them.  You need math to understand everything, including music, art, and literature; and to build things, like bridges and phones. A mathematician doesn’t need to understand chemistry or philosophy or sociology or economics to do his job, but everyone has to understand some Math (if not formally then intuitively).  Disciplines are split into four groups, with the physical sciences being the most prestigious (and least popular in the US).

Physical Sciences
Most prestigious because conclusions made in these disciplines are most reliable.  Every physicist agrees that gravity exists.  They also help engineers make things that we use everyday, like bridges.  Must be a disciplined thinker able to create reproducible experiments and results.

Biological Sciences
Not as prestigious as physical sciences because conclusions are often not reliable.  That’s why medical doctors often don’t agree with each other and why they’ll tell you to get a second opinion.  Still, they help medical doctors fix things.  Must be observant thinker and tolerant of ambiguity.

Social Sciences
Most popular but not prestigious because experiments are not replicable and conclusions are thus useless. Sociologists, for instance, can’t agree on why the poor are poor.  Psychologists can’t agree on what makes people and who is batshit crazy. Anthropologists can’t replicate what they observe.  That leads to sloppy and biased thinking, making many of these disciplines the primary sources of political indoctrination at college campuses.

Humanities
Popular because there are no experiments, more prestigious than Social Sciences because here is where you’re supposed to learn to be cultured.  Less prestigious than other sciences because professors can’t agree on what’s good or bad about something and it’s unclear why we need to read Chaucer to live well. Some political indoctrination, especially in literature departments.

Ranking Academic Disciplines in Order of Difficulty and Usefulness

  1. Math — requires precision, logic and creativity
  2. Physics — requires precision, logic and creativity
  3. Philosophy — requires precision and logic
  4. Chemistry — requires accuracy and reverse engineering skills
  5. Economics — requires a bit of this, a bit of that
  6. Biology — requires you to memorize a lot of stuff
  7. Literature — requires a lot of reading and writing
  8. History — requires a lot of reading and writing
  9. Sociology — requires agreeing with whatever professor says
  10. Psychology — requires talking about yourself a lot

Comments on Popular Pre-Professional Majors, 

Note: more traditional schools won’t have some, if any, of these majors.

  1. Business — Very general education, but some companies like this degree because it signals you want a business career.
  2. Finance — Superior to business degree because it requires more math.
  3. Marketing — Useless degree, no skills taught, most end up in sales.
  4. Environmental Science — Not a science major, this is public policy major with focus on the environment.  People who can make things to improve the environment, like a better solar panel, get the green jobs.  People who talk about helping the environment get to be unemployed.
  5. Education — Avoid.  The best private schools avoid hiring people with education degrees for a reason.
  6. Nursing — Very general education but it signals you want to be a nurse and they like that.
  7. Communications — Avoid unless it’s Technical Communications, that actually teaches communication skills.  Frat boys think it’s an MRS degree.
  8. Engineering (Mechanical, Chemical, Electrical, Civil) — Shows you can solve a few problems and maybe build a few useful things.  Employers like that and will teach you the rest.
  9. Accounting — At most schools it only prepares you for bookkeeping.  Others prepare you for CPA.

Summary

  1. Not all colleges are equal, socially and academically. Most colleges shouldn’t exist.
  2. Not all majors are equal.  Some make you smarter.  Others make you dumber.
  3. College is a networking event.  Note if college has a worthwhile social network.
  4. College is a social and political indoctrination event.
  5. College doesn’t teach you how to do a job.  Most of work — including medicine and engineering — will be learned on the job.
  6. You can learn anything that’s taught in college on your own. If you can’t, you won’t learn it in college.
  7.  Most college students shouldn’t be in college.  Most colleges are too easy to get into.
  8. Nobody needs college to become a billionaire, just as nobody needs a Ferrari to get to work.
  9. College is a scam. So why do politicians want to make taxpayers businesses pay for something as useless as “free college’?
Advertisements

Resume Workshop (for teens) Part V — References, ECs, etc.

Link to Parts I, II, III, IV

References
Don’t bother if you’ve never had a job. Pastor, teacher, neighbor…don’t care about their opinion if I don’t know them personally.  We (most business owners) can spot biased/bullshit references (even if they hire you).   These work against you.

If you want a reference from a present or former employer, pay her back with a nice gesture.  She doesn’t owe you a reference.  Give her an updated resume and personal statement so she can catch up with your present character and vision.  The more effort you put into updating your resume and personal statement, the more likely she’ll write a convincing reference, a reference full of examples of your competence.  People want to help you.  But you have to show you’re worthy of their time.

Extra Curriculars
These are important to me and *some* business owners and hiring managers.  Participation in anything competitive shapes character.  Football, for instance, is often a story about courage, how a smaller player gets up repeatedly to face bigger, faster, and stronger adversary.  Solo music competitions train participants to perform under pressure and spotlight, to conquer fear of failure.  Same with theater.  So list extra curricular activities.  Not too many, or they may think you’re a dilettante or superficial.  Focus on becoming good at a few.  Be really good at one hobby.  It’ll help people remember you. It’ll show you’re able to focus on a task.  You’ll probably learn more playing baseball than in Spanish class.

If you haven’t done well in your extra curricular activities — bit parts in theater, benchwarmer on last place team — that will hurt you.  At least with me.  I’m all for failure — children need to grow accustomed to failing — but losing can become a habit. There’s a difference between failing and losing.  Those who consistently finish last (or close to last) usually have low standards that are in conflict with high parental expectations.  (Result of inflated self-esteem, where parents tell children they’re wonderful and can be anything they want, but don’t provide them with enough painful experiences to prepare them to become what they want to be).

Final Thoughts
Most teens stop learning in school at around 8th grade.  That ok.  Those of you who have a 2.0 gpa, don’t fret.  Anyone who tells you you’re stupid because of your grades (you probably are stupid, but for other reasons), knock him down.  Thomas Edison, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Jackson, Marco Pierre White, Benjamin Franklin, none of them have high school degrees.  All began working before teenage years.  They did most of their learning at work.  They worked with focus, perseverance and alacrity.

If you’re a 4.0gpa student, you’re not smart and stop talking to anyone who tells you you are, even if they’re your parents.  Bill Gates, who was the top math student at the top high school in the Pacific Northwest (Lakeside) was convinced of his brilliance.  Until he got to Harvard.  Now he considers himself above-average in intelligence.  If he’s merely above-average — 1590 (out of 1600) on his SATs — then what are you?  Be humble.  Always compare yourself to the best.  You don’t need to be the best, but you need to grade yourself fairly.

Don’t allow yourself to treat your childhood, especially teenage years, as delay of adulthood.  Childhood is training for adulthood and adulthood can begin at any age.  Age 9, 60, never, it’s up to you.

Application Questions Explained Part II

Below are the questions we get most questions about.

Communication Skills Section

Pick best sentence:
a) Would you mind bringing me some beets when you get a chance?
b)  Get beets now.
c) Hey fucktard, get your ass over there, get some beets and bring it over here.

Be concise.  Most people are trained to say “A,” as that’s considered polite.  It’s actually stupid because more words means more communication errors and wasted time.  Always choose to be effective than polite.

Salesperson calls, asks “Hi, how are you doing today?” How do you respond?
a) What do you want?
b) I’m fine. How are you today?
c) I feel like shit.  I want to beat the shit out of someone.

Translate what they’re saying.  “Hi, how are…today” = “Hi.”  Don’t get involved in pointless small talk, don’t waste time.

Pick best sentence for love-text:
a) Your scintillatingly luminous presence inspires and captivates my yearning heart to take an unsolicited leap of impossible faith into the great unknown of the comfort of your arms.
b) My darling, my heart aches for your presence and to finally be in your arms
c) Let’s cuddle.

Be concise, avoid pretentiousness.

Your partner tells you you’re lazy.  How do you respond?
a) Takes on to know one, asshole.
b) Why am I lazy?
c) You never see all the things I do for you.

Always acknowledge what another person is feeling and thinking, even if you disagree.  Unless you want a stupid fight that wastes time.

Sense of Reality Questions

Those who’ve been in highly competitive environments tend to get these questions correct.

What happens when school district gives middle-class high school students their own laptops?
a) Playing field is leveled, they perform almost as well as those rich privileged kids at elite private school like Lakeside.
b) They use it to watch movies and play games, no change in academic performance.
c) They perform worse, laptops make people stupid.  (Though a customer made strong case for C).

All teenagers get this question right because they see first hand what’s going on at school.  Half their parents get this question right.  Those who get it wrong are delusional.  A couple of parents made strong argument for  “C,” citing Silicon Valley CEOs  who limit time their teenagers use computers because it prevents development of certain skills.  But I still don’t think computers make people stupid.  People make themselves stupid and they’ll find a way to do that without computers.

Choosing A is dangerous.  It’s a stupid excuse that keeps people down.

Your 8 year old is new at school.  He gets shoved out of lunch line and is told to get to the back.  He responds by beating the shit out of the kid who bullied him.  What’s your response?
a) Ground him and make him apologize to kid he beat up.
b) Tell him he did the right thing and to never worry about lawsuits, you’ll take care of those if they come up.
c) Have your kid apologize to the kid he beat up and have them talk it out.  End with hug.

Something like this happened to former employee and his parents told him he did right thing and to never worry about lawsuits.  And this is what Eddie Huang (ABC sitcom Fresh Off the Boat is based on his life) when he arrived at new school.  His father approved:

A hardened, street-smart man, Louis had been sent by his own father to the United States to get him away from the hoodlums he had been running with in Taipei. “We wouldn’t get in trouble with our dad if we got into a fight,” Emery said. “We would get in trouble if we didn’t win.”

Huang said the experience of earning people’s respect made him who he is today.  It made him feel that he controls his destiny.

Your daughter loves gymnastics and is about to enter her first meet.  She’s confident about winning and even thought about the perfect place to hang her blue ribbon.  While she did well, she didn’t medal, and was devastated.  What do you, as a parent, tell her?
a) Tell her you thought she was the best
b) Tell her she has the ability and will surely win next time.
c) Tell her she doesn’t deserve to win because she didn’t work hard enough.

Lifted this question from a parenting site.  Choice “A” is a lie (unless you’re qualified to judge) and enough of these “nice and polite” lies will fuck someone up.  Choice B can get you into more trouble, what happens if she doesn’t win next time?  And it doesn’t address the reason why she didn’t win, that she didn’t work hard enough.  Choice C teaches kid that she’s responsible for her place in society.

Someone leaves knives in soapy water.  What do you do to make sure that person never does it again?
a) Tell her that doing that can hurt someone, that she needs to think about the consequences of her actions.
b) Lock her in the freezer for an hour.
c) Fill sink with soapy water and knives. Have her wash knives.

You can’t tell someone to be empathetic, you have to force them to experience what another person experiences.   That’s how you teach empathy.

Character Questions

Do you believe in self-love?
a) No, only those who are chronically unhappy and deeply troubled believe and need that shit.
b) Yes, in this time of hate, we all need to love ourselves more so we can love others more.
c) No, self-love is a moral flaw, like vanity and selfishness.

It’s like the adage about people who keep saying they’re happy — they’re not happy because happy people don’t need to remind themselves that they are.

If someone feels the need for self-love, that person is fucking up but refuses to take responsibility for the fuck ups.  Mind and body responds with self-loathing.  Most dangerous self-lovers are those who portray themselves as so self-sacrificing that they forget to take care of themselves.

How many of your close friends routinely preach “self-love” philosophy?
a) 0
b) 1-5
c) 6 or more

People and emotional states are contagious.  (That’s why we’re so selective about customers, too many of the wrong customers and employees get infected).  Won’t hire anyone who picks C.

 

Correct Answers to Old Application Questions

Let us know which questions you want explained.  We’ll post explanations later.

 

What’s Plato’s Republic about?
a) Why we’re all dumbasses
b) The meaning of life
c) How to be happy

Do you believe in self-love?
a) No, only those who are chronically unhappy and deeply troubled believe and need that shit.
b) Yes, in this time of hate, we all need to love ourselves more so we can love others more.
c) No, self-love is a moral flaw, like vanity and selfishness.

How many of your close friends routinely preach “self-love” philosophy?
a) 0
b) 1-5
c) 6 or more

Do you consciously practice self-love each day?
a) Yes, of course!
b) Nah, don’t have time for that, got better things to do.
c) I jerk off every day, does that count?

Why are you so stupid?
a) I’m lazy and obedient, so I don’t ask enough questions.
b) I’m confused and bored, I don’t see the point.
c) I’m not stupid, I’m brilliant!

Why are you so smart?
a)I’m not smart, only stupid people think they’re smart
b)I’ve always worked hard and set the highest standards for myself. I took the most challenging courses and tasks and wouldn’t accept anything less than an “A” at school and at work.
c) I’m naturally smart, it’s God given.

How often do you screw up?
a) Rarely, and when I do, it’s someone else’s fault.
b) Never. Hire me and you’ll see my awesomeness.
c) All the time, I’m such a fuck up.

Why are you so lazy?
a) I daydream a lot.
b) I’m not lazy.
c) I make excuses and blame others when something goes wrong.

Why are you so stupid?
a)I don’t know what I don’t know.
b) For the last time, I’m not stupid, I’m brilliant!
c) You’re the dumbass for asking this dumbass question.  This is some fucked up shit, I’m out, motherfucker.

Someone leaves knives in soapy water.  What do you do to make sure that person never does it again?
a) Tell her that doing that can hurt someone, that she needs to think about the consequences of her actions.
b) Lock her in the freezer for an hour.
c) Fill sink with soapy water and knives. Have her wash knives.

How do you produce kids who will become confident adults with healthy self-esteem?
a) Tell them how amazing, wonderful and special they are.
b) Set higher and higher expectations and expect them to achieve them.
c) Try to build a stress free environment for them so they can achieve their goals.

How do you produce kids who will become batshit crazy as adults?
a) Tell them how wonderful and special they are, all the time.
b) Beat the shit out of them every day.
c) Ignore them, that’s the worst kind of abuse.

Who is most likely to become batshit crazy?
a) White trash girl who knows she’s White trash
b) Rich kid slumming it with the hobos
c) Middle class girl who thinks she’s high society

What do you work for?
a) Praise and Reward
b) Sense of Achievement
c) God’s grace

Hypersensitive people are:
a) Special and Deep
b) Self-absorbed and Narcissistic
c)  Insightful and and Empathetic

What happens when school district gives middle-class high school students their own laptops?
a) Playing field is leveled, they perform almost as well as those rich privileged kids at elite private school like Lakeside.
b) They use it to watch movies and play games, no change in academic performance.
c) They perform worse, laptops make people stupid.  (Though a customer made strong case for C).

Your 8 year old is new at school.  He gets shoved out of lunch line and is told to get to the back.  He responds by beating the shit out of the kid who bullied him.  What’s your response?
a) Ground him and make him apologize to kid he beat up.
b) Tell him he did the right thing and to never worry about lawsuits, you’ll take care of those if they come up.
c) Have your kid apologize to the kid he beat up and have them talk it out.  End with hug.

Your daughter loves gymnastics and is about to enter her first meet.  She’s confident about winning and even thought about the perfect place to hang her blue ribbon.  While she did well, she didn’t medal, and was devastated.  What do you, as a parent, tell her?
a) Tell her you thought she was the best
b) Tell her she has the ability and will surely win next time.
c) Tell her she doesn’t deserve to win because she didn’t work hard enough.

What effect does raising teacher wages have on teacher performance?
a) They don’t perform any better or worse, people are creatures of habit
b) They perform better, money improves morale
c)  They perform worse, money corrupts.

How do you improve academic performance at a school?
a) Increase funding so facilities can be improved.
b) Increase number of (real) Asian students
c) Increase salaries so teachers work harder

How do you get someone to love you? 
a) Go out of your way to do things for that person.
b) Get them to do something for you.
c) Hire a witch and cast a spell.

How many hours a week does the CEO of Walmart work?
a)100
b)70
c)40

How many hours a week does Eminem work?
a) 100
b)70
c)40

How many hours a week does 50 Cent work?
a) 100
b) 70
c) 40

What was Eminem likely doing on random date, 2003?
a) Getting high and smacking his hoes
b) Working alone in recording studio, repeating same three lines over and over again because he demands perfection from himself.
c) Getting his dick licked by two of his dancers.

What does the CEO of Walmart do all day?
a)Figures out new ways to exploit hard workers like me.
b)Sets strategy and vision, negotiates partnerships, builds company culture, and manages supply chains to ensure consumers get what they want when they want it.
c)Recording himself banging his hot secretary.

What was Tupac Shakur most likely doing during a typical evening?
a) Reading Machiavelli’s The Prince.
b) Drinking his 40 and smacking his hoes
c) Having a threesome and some cocaine.

What was 50 Cent doing on a random Saturday night, 2006?
a) Getting fucked up his ass by his trainer, who resembles Justin Bieber
b) Working out, writing songs and negotiating business contracts.
c) Sucking your mom’s big black dick, what the fuck does this have to do with this stupid job?

What’s most important to most customers when they order food?
a) cost
b) taste
c) health

Earthquake during math class! Big enough to topple bookshelves. Nobody is hurt, everyone is okay, just jittery. What do you, as teacher, do?
a) Stop class, act jittery and anxious because that’s how you feel.
b) Have students clean up mess and continue class as if nothing happened. Assign double amount of homework and quizzes for rest of the week.
c) Stop class, bring in school psychologist to discuss how everyone is handling the event and “post-traumatic stress disorder.”

What percentage of business fail within 5 years?  
a) 50
b) 20
c)2

Are business owners entitled to a living wage?
a) Yes, everyone deserves a living wage
b) No, it’s her fault she sucks at work and life.
c) No, but there should be programs to help business owners succeed.

Communication Skills

Pick best sentence:
a) Would you mind bringing me some beets when you get a chance?
b)  Get beets now.
c) Hey fucktard, get your ass over there, get some beets and bring it over here.

Salesperson calls, asks “Hi, how are you doing today?” How do you respond?
a) What do you want?
b) I’m fine. How are you today?
c) I feel like shit.  I want to beat the shit out of someone.

Pick best sentence for love-text:
a) Your scintillatingly luminous presence inspires and captivates my yearning heart to take an unsolicited leap of impossible faith into the great unknown of the comfort of your arms.
b) My darling, my heart aches for your presence and to finally be in your arms
c) Let’s cuddle.

Pick best sentence for first sentence of novel:
a) Dreary black skies loomed as the violent waves crashed onto glittering rocks that have never met such punishment.
b) It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets.
c) Fucking hurricane knocking down trees.

Technician finally calls you back.  He asks: Hi, how are you doing today?” How do you respond?
a) I’m fine, how are you today?
b) How do I fix this problem?
c) This problem is driving me crazy.  Because of your fucked up system, I can’t get my kids to school on-time, my cat took a dump on my pillow, and my husband is a lazy piece of shit who wants a divorce.

Your partner tells you you’re lazy.  How do you respond?
a) Takes on to know one, asshole.
b) Why am I lazy?
c) You never see all the things I do for you.