Blessings and Curses (for employees)

DoordDash delivery customers can order a Blessing and/or a Curse for $1 each.  Here are some blessings and curses (for employees to write on piece of paper to give to customer). We’ll remove the ones that are used and replace them with new ones.

Curses

I curse this drink
So that it’ll make you think
That you’re Jay Z
Yeah, you going crazy

This drink will make you throw a fit
And then you’ll take a shit
Shit will stink so bad
Even the rats will be mad

You’re gonna throw a fit
After you drink this shit
Nah, that ain’t fizz
That’s some nasty jizz

 

Used Curses

This drink I curse
To make your life worse
A fat ass you’ll become
Living in  a nasty slum

This drink I curse
To bring you misery
Never seen in history
A life berserk and perverse

This drink will make your butt
Feel like Michael Fay’s did
After he got his ass whipped
Till it looked like a walnut

This drink will
Make you kill
Till you’re in jail
Sorry, no  bail

Used Blessings

This Drink I bless
With extra banana
So that after you rest
You’ll receive more manna

This drink I bless
So that it’ll make you
Less of a mess
And free from distress

Bless this drink
So after your next blink
Your dick will grow
So big
That everyone will know

This drink will
Help you fulfill
All your dreams
And free you from
This tyrannical regime

New Blessings

God bless this drink
So it’ll make her think
Everything gonna be alright
Despite being surrounded by
Homeless blight

Go kick some ass
After you finish your drink
Because your shit
Is gonna be distinct

Long Poem

Do you love me?
I think you do
Even though you want to beat me
Black, bruised, and blue

Do I love you?
What would you do if I do?
Would you run and hide,
Or would you sit by my side?

And tell me all
That’s hurting you
And wonder if it’s true
That I’ll catch you when you fall

If you run and hide
To whom will I confide?
How it was with love
Your drink was made thereof

Do you love me?
Would you know if you do?
Would it make  you feel free
Refreshed, as if born anew?

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