How to Talk To Customers (from employee training manual)

Talk to them as a courtesan would to her benefactor.  Or you could talk to them as some street skank whore does to her john; or as some $300/hour escort to her client.  Think about the differences between the three:

Whore: fucks a lot of guys each day to get her drugs.

Escort: fucks a few guys and listens to them complain about stupid shit a few times a week to pay for living expenses and a few luxuries.

Courtesan:   fucks a few guys per year she advises on marital, political and business matters.

Which do you want to be?  You want your customers to be benefactors, clients, or johns?  You want to live in a world where there’s a good chance someone’s going to knock your rotting teeth out or where you don’t have to worry about being murdered on the job?  Do you want to live a life where your opinion matters?  So you better start practicing now because the courtesans have been working on their game ever since they could talk and walk.

What’s the only difference between a street whore and an escort?  The former has a drug habit for way too long.  What’s the difference between an escort and a courtesan? The former is a narcissist.  Notice I haven’t mentioned anything about looks because as long as the body’s bangin’, that’s mostly irrelevant.

Know Your Customer
What do most people like to talk about the most?  Pick:

a) Ideas
b) Other people
c) Themselves

Correct answer is C.  Narcissism is our Original Sin and your job is to figure out how to curb your own narcissistic urges so you can turn the customer into your benefactor (what most want to be) instead of a john (what most are).  Put simply, your job is to seduce those we want as customers and to repel the shitheads.


a) Treat others as you want to be treated
b) Treat others as they treat you
c) Treat others as they want to be treated

Those who pick A are intolerant narcissists because they project their wants and needs onto other people, they don’t realize that other people have different preferences and perspectives from their own.  Those who pick A can only have friends who are copies of themselves because any deviance from their narrow worldview offends their sense of self and righteousness.  Repel these people, they’re dangerous.  They color themselves with righteous sounding identities such as “social justice warrior” and “human rights activist” to hide the fact that they’re totalitarians and liars.

If you picked B, then you’ve picked up on psychological mirroring, which is how you achieve “greater connection and understanding with the individual who is being mirrored” (Wiki entry of Mirroring). Mirroring requires empathy, which is not the same as sympathy (ie. narcissists being nice), and empathy involves seeing something from  different perspectives.  Those who pick B are also good at protecting themselves from being used because they give off vibe that they will retaliate in kind to protect themselves.

Those who pick C are capable of empathy, but incapable of protecting themselves.

How to Talk to Customers
Now that you know who the shitheads are — they often refuse to follow Ordering Guidelines because they wrongly assume employees are as easily stressed out as they are (narcissistic projection) — you can focus on providing the best service possible to our customers without violating your integrity.  All prostitutes have boundaries.

Ask Them Questions
Two to three is best, any more and some get annoyed. When you ask someone a question about themselves, you make that person feel less lonely.  Most are very lonely because most people prefer to talk about themselves than ask questions, which means few are listening.  (Hermits, ironically, are the least lonely because they haven’t lost the ability — a rich inner world — to keep themselves company).  A customer you make feel less lonely becomes your benefactor.  It’s not hard to pull off.  Here’s an example of an uncivilized conversation:

You: Whom did you vote for?
Customer: Trump
You: You’re an ignorant racist!
Customer: Hey fuck you.

Never rush to judgment and conclusion, you’ll never learn and grow if you do that.  Here’s how to have the same conversation the civilized way.

You: Whom did you vote for?
Customer: Trump
You: Why did you vote for him?
Customer: I like that he wants to get the US out of foreign engagements we have no business being in and I like that he promises to protect US steel industry because that’s a matter of national security.  We need to have a robust steel industry in case we go to war…
You: Interesting, I never thought of it that way, thanks for the insight.  Do you think Trump is a racist?
Customer: Not anymore than any of the other candidates.  He’s just more uncensored and I care more about results than insults.

Always ask at least 2 follow up questions.  (Again, too many and you’ll annoy some people so watch for that). The more questions you ask, the closer you’ll get to the truth.  Another uncouth conversation:

You: How are you?
Customer: I’m fine.  How are you?
You: Omigod, my math professor is such a stupid jerk off.  Can you believe he doesn’t give partial credit?  Who does that?  I mean, I’m really good at Math, I got straight As in it in high school and now I have a C.  How is that possible?  Don’t you think there’s something wrong with him?

That’s how skanks talk — mostly about themselves and their own stupid problems.  Few people care about your problems. Some will pretend to care. An escort, for instance, talks to show solidarity with her customer.  Example:

Customer: my son is having a lot of problems at school.
You: I’m sorry.  Boys are really tough to deal with at that age.  He’ll grow out of it, I’m sure.

A courtesan, on the other hand, talks to solve other people’s problems. Example:

Customer: my son is having a lot of problems at school.
You: What sort of problems?
Customer: drugs, not doing his schoolwork.  He’s close to flunking out.
You: Why is he doing those things?
Customer: Not sure.  He could be bored, he doesn’t learn the way they want him to learn.
You: Would you consider a boarding school that’s better suited for his learning style?
Customer: Maybe.  Tell me more…

This conversation gives customer an opportunity to get beyond ranting, to think about solutions to his problem.  The courtesan’s value is in her usefulness, not her sex.

Avoid Banalities and Cliches
Make yourself stand out.  If everyone else is asking: “Hi, how are you?” then find another question to ask.  “Where are you going?,” for instance.  Example:

You: Where are you going after this?
Customer: Checking out a wedding venue.
You: You getting married?
Customer: Yes!
You: Do you have a caterer?
Customer: No, why do you ask?
You: We’ve catered weddings.  Can we put a bid in?
Customer: Absolutely!

Asking people *what* they’re doing will generate more business and social opportunities.  Another example:

You: What do you do for work?
Customer: I’m a structural engineer.
You: Hey, I’m majoring in Physics to become a structural engineer.  Do you have internships?
Customer: We do. Have a resume ready by Friday and I’ll stop in to look at it.
You: Awesome, will do.  Thanks!

See why some people have all the luck?  These people live a different routine from those who have no luck or bad luck.  You’re responsible for your own karma.

Don’t Lie to Customer
There are few instances where lying is justified.  We’re not going to get into those because most people in America are compulsive liars. It’s a polite nation.

Say “I don’t know.”
That’s what intelligent people say when they don’t know something.  Only broken, insecure people with inflated self-esteem make random guesses.  These people are more concerned with how they look than the truth and they end up looking good only to those who can’t help them move ahead.

It’s ok to guess as long as you let the customer know that you’re making an educated guess.

Never Say What You Don’t Mean
Even when a customer says hi to you with an insincere and trite greeting — “How are you?” — don’t just play along to be polite — “I’m fine, thank you.  How are you?” — if that’s not how you feel.  Compulsive lying begins with seemingly benign little lies.  Batshit crazy also begins with thinking that everything needs to be A-ok all the fucking time and with suppressing your emotions.  Engaging in scripted politeness will also train you to NOT listen when people talk.  Don’t let these savages destroy your life.  Alternative responses to the vapid “How are you?” question:

“Dunno, haven’t thought about it.”  (This one elicits the most laughs)
“Why do you ask?”
Ignore the question. (What I usually do)

Or answer honestly.  It could be “I’m fine.”  Could also be:

“I’m angry.  I want to beat the shit out of someone.”
“I’m really confused because my boyfriend told me something last night that came out of nowhere yada yada yada….”

Don’t let customers violate your integrity.  Don’t lie about stupid shit because if you do, you’ll soon start lying about all sorts of shit out of habit.

Be Precise and Say Less
The more you say, the less people will understand and trust you.  Say only what needs to be said.  Say what you have to say in as few words as possible to minimize misunderstanding and sounding like a rambling idiot. Example:

Customer: What do you do with the juice fiber?
Bad Answer: Well, we generally just throw out most of it.  Some of it though we’ll use to make the raw carrot cake desert.  We’ll also use it in the avocado salad.
Good Answer: (pointing to fridge) Carrot cake and avocado salads.

The good answer will result in more customers exploring other products.  Bad answer will confuse most customers.  Keep it simple.  Less is more, less is more.

Control Customer Perception and Expectations
Customer perception and expectations are as important as the products themselves.  It’s similar to psychological framing:

The framing effect is an example of cognitive bias, in which people react to a particular choice in different ways depending on how it is presented…

Much of the perception and expectations are framed by the decor, prices, and online marketing (yelp reviews, Facebook updates).  You frame it by how you describe our products.

Never use superlatives — “tastes incredible” — to describe our products.  Taste is subjective so that’s for the customer to decide.  Just describe the flavor and texture profile of a product.  Reference familiar flavors and textures if that helps.  Examples:

Bad: “The Supermodel tastes great and will make you look like a Supermodel, guaranteed!”
Good: Probably won’t make you a Supermodel. But you’ll feel like one: mildly hungry, bitchy, and jaded.  You’ll understand why Naomi Campbell throws phones at people.”  (description on menu).

Those who order the Supermodel often comment on how it’s a lot more filling than they expected.

Play the slow game.  Be modest, never boastful.  It’ll make our products taste better. The sales will come.

Be Dignified
If a customer treats you poorly, it’s your fault not the customer’s. Only undignified people blame others when treated poorly. The dignified blame themselves and take steps to ensure it never happens again.

This is difficult to pull off because most American schools and much of American society train people to play victim.  Society even celebrates victims, as Nietzsche predicted it would (slave morality). Avoid the temptation to play victim, it’ll dis-empower you.  Be noble, not pathetic.  From our application question, pick what you think most people pick:

Someone mugs you.  Whose fault is it that you were mugged?
a) Mugger’s fault
b) Your fault
c) Society’s fault

Leftist Lemmings pick C. Kookie Conservatives pick A.  Noble people pick B.  The moment you think like a victim is the moment you lose control of your destiny and become a victim.  The predators can smell a prey who deserves to be eaten.

Be Commanding
If you can tell that a customer doesn’t like something, *command* them to return it and fix it to their liking.  Don’t ask them if they want you to fix it because they would’ve asked you to do so already if they’re well adjusted adults. No, you’re dealing with cowards who prefer childish lies: “no, it’s fine” (usually the problem is that it’s too green tasting) when it’s not because they think it’s rude to say otherwise.  So you have to *command* them to do what’s best for them, treat them like the children they are.  Say “bring it here, I’ll fix it.” And resist the urge to call that person a “passive-aggressive fucktard” as you fix the problem.



Crazy Rich Asians is an Activist Film

(This post originally published on our fashion blog — — associated with our fashion thrift store, The Privileged Poor)


“Be observant and hide your strength. Lay low and bide your time” — Deng Xiaoping


I was expecting a Cinderella-Jane Austenesque Hollywood romantic comedy except with an all-Asian cast and requisite food motifs. Which it is, but there’s more to it.  To begin with, the film is prefaced with a quote from Napoleon:

 China is a sleeping giant. Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she will move the world

A preface more typical for an action-thriller set against the backdrop of shifting global order than for a romantic-comedy ostensibly about the ways of the human spirit when at the intersection of class status, prejudice, and romance.  Is Crazy Rich Asians also an allegory about the inner-workings of shifting global power as seen from the street level?

Yes.  Especially when you consider this:

  • Kevin Kwan, author of the novel the film is based on, turned down a movie option because it required the lead female character Rachel Chu to be White.
  • Kwan and director John Chu turned down a lucrative *guaranteed* Netflix offer because they felt that this film *needed* to be seen by a wide mainstream audience.

So it was never about the money.  They had something to say and wanted to be heard by many.

Opening Scene

It’s 1995, London.  Rain soaked and disheveled Chinese family frantically enters posh boutique hotel. They ask to be shown to their reserved suite.  They’re denied and told to find a room in Chinatown. (Young surname can be either Chinese or Anglo, front desk was expecting Anglo).  She asks if she can at least use the phone to call her husband.  Denied again.  After placing a call in a phone booth — with two adults and two kids crammed in there because it’s still pouring out — she and her family return to the hotel.  An old man greets them like they’re old friends and announces to the petrified front desk staff that the family they told to fuck off just purchased the hotel.

The purpose of this scene is fourfold: first to secure audience sympathy for this family because it’s not always easy to sympathize with the crazy rich. Second, this provides insight into what motivates them. Third, to remind audience of the nature of Sino-Anglo relations at the everyday street level.  Fourth, it foreshadows *payback time.*

Anglos were much nicer to Chinese 100 years ago. They call Chinese much worse things today, especially in The Economist and New York Times and Harvard’s admissions committee meetings.  .


And there’s a lot to pay back.  Crazy Rich Asians is full of payback moments that have nothing to do with what’s going on in the film itself, but rather in reference to the history of insults — especially those produced by Hollywood — endured by Chinese and Asians in general.

Back to the first scene:  Eleanor, the pissed off new owner, doesn’t fire anyone.  She only sternly tells the front desk to clean up the muddy mess in the lobby.  It’s a prelude to what’s to come in the film. It announces that this film, unlike The Joy Luck Club, isn’t made by yellow house niggers and none of the film characters are yellow house niggers. It’s as if Crazy Rich Asians takes its audience to a Chinese restaurant that doesn’t serve orange chicken or beef broccoli or eggrolls.  Instead, it’ll be stinky tofu, beef intestine noodles, and chicken feet for dinner. Bon appetit.

The Payback

Three jokes stand out.  First is when lead couple, Rachel Chu and Nick Young, arrive at Singapore Changi Airport. Rachel remarks:

Wow, Changi has a butterfly garden and a movie theater! All J.F.K. has is salmonella and despair.”

The second from the Singaporean father who tells his kids to “…finish your food, there are starving children in America.”

The third: “she just thinks you’re some trashy unrefined banana.  Yellow on the outside, White on the inside.”

Together, these jokes tell a *different* story about the West in relation to the East that people are used to: US as a Third World nation; lack of sophistication racialized as acting White; and Asia — Singapore, Hong Kong, and Shanghai specifically — as the center of economic and cultural gravity, displacing London and New York. The Middle Kingdom is once again the Middle Kingdom.

There are other scenes that reinforce this new way of looking at global power and order. The raucous bachelor party features White Miss Universe contestants from around the world as the entertainment.  The White faces throughout the film are all tokens — the help — bartenders and band members.  The kids are expected to return to Asia, not flee from it, for a better life.

Clash of Civilizations

Rachel Chu represents the American way. Her mom tells her: “You may speak Chinese and you may look Chinese.  But inside (pointing to Rachel’s head and then her heart), you are American.  You think like an American.” This scene references how Asians have typically been depicted in US media: either as perpetual foreigner or as outsider proving their American-ness.  Here, she *doesn’t* have to prove her American-ness, it’s given that she represents American values and way of life.  Instead, she has to prove her Chinese-ness and act as mediator and negotiator in a clash of civilizations. It’s another role reversal.

The mahjong scene makes it clear that the conflict between Rachel and Eleanor was never about class prejudice, even if it comes off that way for much of the film.  Come on, it’s not like Rachel is some Julia Roberts Pretty Woman skank (like the slutty gold-digging Kitty Poon character).  She’s an economics professor at NYU who is frugal and obviously not a gold-digger and any business empire would love to have someone like her on their team.  Eleanor in fact tells Rachel that it’s not about class background — nobody cares that she didn’t attend a British boarding school — it’s about her American ways. She doesn’t think Rachel can ever lose her American-ness to become Chinese.  The familiar American immigrant story — the struggle to prove one’s American-ness — is turned upside down.

East versus West

How Eleanor breaks down the salient differences:

East: Family oriented, sacrifice self for family
West: Individualistic, follow your passion

East: Happiness is an illusion, seek contentment instead
West: Pursue happiness

The Young family making dumplings together scene is touching because it shows how family traditions are passed on and connect different generations together. The work it takes to make that moment possible is much more than anyone realizes, Eleanor tells Rachel, and that work requires self-sacrifice, which she doesn’t think Rachel is prepared to do for the family (Meghan Markle is starting to crack under the pressure). Question arises: is this East-West binary necessary?  Is it possible to be family oriented AND individualistic?

Crazy Rich doesn’t answer those questions and perhaps they’ll be answered in one of the planned sequels.  In the meantime, Rachel, in recognizing that a half-win — accepting Nick’s marriage proposal — is still a loss because Nick would lose his family, takes a gamble — rejects Nick’s first proposal and then explains to Eleanor why she did that –that gives her a full win: marriage proposal with Eleanor’s blessing. Is this an instance of American values winning or of Rachel proving her Chinese-ness?

Why the Film Is Effective

There’s usually some truth to every stereotype and telling people to not trust their own eyes isn’t an effective way to win people over unless maybe it’s on a college campus full of students with mental disorders.  So instead of making everything opposite day, as the less sagacious tend to do — eg. Asians ARE lazy, they’re NOT good at math, they ARE lactose tolerant, they HAVE big penises — they bring back all the racist tropes and archetypes of Asians that Hollywood has shown. The weird Asian dweeb, the status obsessed dragonlady bitches, the arrogant asshole (yo he funny), the asshole with a chopstick up his ass, materialistic and gold-digging Asian bitches in bunches, the ostentatious nouveau riche with their Versailles decor…it’s all there and it’s all true. Asians, after all, are human and humans are, by definition, pathetic assholes. Difference is that in this film, these bitches and assholes *don’t define* what it means to be Asian and a few of the characters come pretty close to living up to the Prince Charming and Cinderella archetype that’s been mostly reserved for White and (more recently) Black characters.  None of the deeply flawed Asian characters are foils to make White or Black characters look better.  They’re just there to show us their — and our — humanity.





  • Grandma, the Matriarch of the family speaks Mandarin, not English.  If this is an old money Chinese-Singaporean family, then her first language would be English.  Founder of modern Singapore Lee Kuan Yew’s first language was English, then Malay.  He didn’t learn Mandarin until his late 30s because by then he was becoming a prominent politician.  In fact, until past 40 years, many Chinese Singaporeans didn’t speak Mandarin.  They spoke other Chinese dialects instead.  Mandarin is common now because of government campaigns to promote the language and it’s what’s taught in school. (Singaporeans are expected to be bilingual in English and an assigned language based on ethnicity).
  • There’s no paparazzi in Singapore, partially because of the strict privacy laws and Singaporeans don’t give a shit about who is who. That’s why so many Hong Kong and Chinese entertainment stars and billionaires live in Singapore.
  • Singaporeans tend to be understated and frugal.  (Lee Kuan Yew ruled Singapore as a British Headmaster would a boarding school. Boorish behavior you’d see on mainland China isn’t tolerated).  The kind of flash we see in this film is more common in mainland China and, to a lesser extent, Hong Kong.
  • Some of the conversations sound more like pretentious middle-class talk rather than candid discussions between those who attended British boarding schools, Oxbridge, and Stanford (Rachel Chu).  Referring to the party as a “soiree” and the excessive politeness when dissing each other are examples.
  • What’s with Peik Lin’s Blaccent?  Ok ok, that’s probably Awkafina’s natural voice but it’s weird in Singapore context.
  • Ken Jeong’s American Valley Boy accent.  Yeah, I know that’s how he talks naturally. But doesn’t work in Singapore context.
  • Stream of water down the wedding walkway?  How does that work?
  • “Two thousand years of guilt tripping their children” should be changed to “shaming their children.”  Chinese culture is shame culture, not a guilt culture. Anglo culture is a guilt culture (thus their obsession with charities to assuage guilt they feel from fucking over other people whereas Chinese don’t feel guilt when they do the same).


How to Go To School (without turning into a dumbass)

Since most of you are either too scared to drop out of school or you think I’m a crazy mofo for wanting to end mandatory education and to cut funding to ALL public education, here’s a guide on *How to Go to School* for you.  Read it if you want to get something positive out of all that mostly wasted time you spend in school.  Read it if you don’t want to come out of school as an unemployable idiot — the Artificial Intelligence Economy is waiting for you — who has to be retrained and reprogrammed by whoever hires you.

Proper Mindset

School, as is life, is a game.  Most schools are as interesting as a game of Candyland.  That’s why most students become bored with school.

With the proper mindset, you can, as Steve Jobs had, escape the boredom that will crush your curiosity and will to live.  A few principles to live by.

1. It’s YOUR job to teach and educate yourself, not the teacher’s job to teach and educate you. If you can’t learn something on your own, you won’t learn it at school.  (Repeat that until it’s burning in your head).

The reason why so many high school and college graduates are poorly educated and struggle with even arithmetic is because they thought they were done learning what was being taught when they passed the class and graduated from school.  Wrong.  You don’t become a concert pianist merely by taking a one hour lesson once a week, you become one by practicing practicing and practicing on your own for five hours a day EVERYDAY to learn the material assigned to you well enough so the teacher can critique what you learned — mostly on your own — to play.
Another way to think of it: let’s play a game where we drop you in the middle of a 10,000 acre forest and you have to find your way out by sunset.  In scenario A, all you’re given is a compass.  In scenario B, you’re given a detailed map and a gps tracker that tells you easiest route to take and a gun just in case.  In scenario A, you don’t make it out until just before sunset.  In scenario B you make it out with 4 hours to spare.  Which scenario taught you more and was more fun and rewarding (and scary)?  Which scenario will prepare you for the real deal, when you have nothing but your wits to make it out alive?

Point is, most teachers tell you how to solve a problem rather than teach you to solve it yourself because that’s the easy way and you complete the assignment faster — 4 hours to spare — even though you didn’t learn much. That’s why so many people don’t know what to do when they encounter an unusual circumstance.  When you’ve been trained to follow procedures to solve problems instead of coming up with your own procedures to solve them, you’ll become bored with school and work and unable to solve novel problems that pop up *all the time* because shit happens *all the time.*  Innovation and understanding is possible only when you figure it out on your own, not when you follow someone’s directions.

Consider how polyglots become fluent in so many languages.  They don’t have super duper brains built for language learning or the time and money to take language classes.  They do, however, have a different approach to learning than most people, as explained in video below.

One is that polyglots don’t rely on school and teachers to teach them a new language because it psychologically handicaps them — “they expect to be spoon-fed…are waiting to be taught.” The spoon-fed method isn’t going to work because “languages can’t be taught, they can only be learned,” says polyglot Luca Lampariello.  Not relying on teachers to learn also allows polyglots to do another thing differently — they create their own textbooks and teaching methods that best suit their needs and learning styles. I mean, imagine you had to jerk off ONLY to someone else’s fantasies and porn preferences even though you have no sexual preferences in common with that person. Jerking off is not so fun when you’re forced to watch Uncle Shirley get rimmed by Hulk Hogan when what you really want to see is Miss Venezuela play with her pussy, right?  Learning *anything* is the same way, it’s YOUR vision and imagination that’ll make something fun and easy to learn. So stop with the lame excuses — “teacher sucked!” — when you get that low AP score. It’s your fault you’re mentally crippled, not anyone else’s.

2. The point of learning something is to help you solve problems, yours and those of others. (Solving problems is also the point of meaningful work. One can’t love work when it’s for a paycheck).

We have an employee headed to UW.  He was a good high school student — 1490 SATs, 5 on BC Calc exam — and wants to major in Computer Science. On paper he looks like good candidate to be accepted into the program. I asked him what aps he’s made.  None, except for a couple of silly ones he was told to make in his high school Comp Sci class.  So I told him that his computer science peers have been making aps since they were in middle-school.  And the reason for that is they see coding as one of many tools available to solve problems, whereas this employee sees coding as a means to a financially secure and stable life.  Meaning his chances of getting into the program are low unless he changes his mindset — his approach to life — soon.

See how some become Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos, while others spend their work lives debugging monotonous lines of code? If you don’t see what you’re learning as a tool to solve problems, you’re not going to learn it.  That’s why most students forget what they learn in school.  They don’t see the point because they never ask what the point is, precisely because most schools beat beat bash beat the curiosity and independence out of them.

3. Call yourself a “stupid, lazy, cunt” every morning. And pretend to drop kick anyone who tells you you’re “smart” or good at something. That’s how those inscrutable Asians rise to the top of the class.

Here’s how those sneaky Asians do it, if you need an example.

Asians treat their kids this way because they know that complacency and self-satisfaction is right around the corner. One wrong turn and it’s over and it’s usually the inflated ego (aka self-esteem) that pulls you in the wrong direction. Proof: while first and second generation Asian Americans score higher than White counterparts, third generation Asian Americans score on par with White counterparts.  What do you think happened? Pick:

a) Third generation Asian-Ams stopped taking brain boosting Oriental herbal medicine
b) Third generation Asians-Ams eat too much pizza instead of bok choy
c) Third generation Asians-Ams assimilated and copied middle-class American parenting

Answer is “C.”

More evidence, this one from NIH study on teenage self-esteem.

Large-scale representative surveys of 8th-, 10th-, and 12th-grade students in the United States show high self-esteem scores for all groups. African-American students score highest, Whites score slightly higher than Hispanics, and Asian Americans score lowest.

African Americans have the highest self-esteem, despite performing the worst academically.  Let that sink in. Asian Americans have the lowest self-esteem, despite performing the best academically.   That’s right, those slant eyed motherfuckers have the lowest self-esteem, despite performing the best academically.  Correlation? Hey Black readers, maybe you should convince African Americans to emulate Asians instead of dancing the way White liberals tell you to dance. #Walkaway

If you’re a closet racist — like Harvard’s champagne socialist admissions committee — and still think Asians lack traits such as “courage and kindness,” (and of course, creativity) — as Harvard’s admissions committee does, it was recently revealed — and thus don’t want to emulate them, then listen to Bill Gates.

Bill Gates said:

Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.

Or how about the White psychologists who found the Dunning-Kruger effect?  Definition from Wiki:

 In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people of low ability have illusory superiority and mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. The cognitive bias of illusory superiority comes from the inability of low-ability people to recognize their lack of ability; without the self-awareness of metacognition, low-ability people cannot objectively evaluate their actual competence or incompetence.[1] On the other hand, people of high ability incorrectly assume that tasks that are easy for them are also easy for other people.[2]

Or how about Socrates, the father of Western philosophy?  He said:

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.

Or you can follow the advice of a bunch of nitwits and live in a miserable world nobody wants to live in.

He taught for 30 years and quit because he was tired of being asked to abuse his students.

What Makes a Good School?

  • Good schools teach grit and curiosity. Students at such schools are taught to struggle with and solve difficult problems on their own and with others, and to ask questions without fear of reprisal. (See Harkness Table Method used at many of the top schools).
  • Good schools make competitive sports a required part of the curriculum. Sports teaches grit and how to handle emergencies, makes the body more graceful, and trains students to hone and trust their instincts.
  • Good schools require participation in performance arts, especially theater arts. Theater prepares student to be comfortable in front of large audience, cultivates the memory, and teaches students to be more aware of how the intonation of their speech and the grace of their gestures affects people.
  • Good schools set higher and higher expectations and expect students to achieve them.
  • Good schools teach students that only they can educate themselves.

What Makes a Bad School?

  • Bad schools are concerned about the emotional health of students, which ironically makes them emotionally frail and crazy.
  • Bad schools tell students how to solve problems instead of letting them solve them on their own.
  • Bad schools reward knowledge instead of curiosity and train students to not trust their instincts.
  • Bad schools allow students to make excuses when they don’t meet standards and encourage students to lower their standards (take easier classes) to get better grades.
  • Bad schools teach students that they need school to educate themselves.

There are over 35,000 secondary schools in the US. I estimate there are 200 good ones, and a total of 500 worth attending (half of them are public schools like Stuyvesant and most private schools are garbage). Chances are, you attend one of the bad schools.  That’s ok, you don’t have to go to Lakeside to become Bill Gates.  You can attend a bad school and still become Steve Jobs as he did as long as you’re mentally prepared to dodge the stupid thinking they try to get you to internalize. Or you can let yourself become mentally crippled, needy, and docile, like caged rats in a psychology experiment.  Choose.

Frequently Asked Questions XVIII


Was Anthony Bourdain murdered?
Don’t know.

Why would anyone want to kill him?
He’s pissed off a lot of people.

Did he commit suicide after finding out that his girlfriend cheated on him? 
She says they had an open relationship.  Not sure he thought the same.

Did Bourdain influence you?
Yes.  Especially his second book, “Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of food.”  Used it as a guide to running a restaurant. It showed me how to treat customers and employees.

Do you deliver?
DoorDash delivers for us.

Is there a fee?
Yes, we charge 10 percent on every order and DoorDash charges another fee that we have no control over.

Why is there a mannequin in the bathroom?  
To stare at your penis if you have one.

Why doesn’t the owner respond when I greet him with “Hi, how are you”?
He doesn’t respond to insincere questions or questions that mean something other than what’s asked.

Why does he have to be such a dick.  I’m just trying to be polite and friendly. 
Insincerity and fraudulent living begins with seemingly harmless fraudulent exchanges that pressure people to believe that they have to be happy all the time in order to be normal.

What should I say instead?
“Hello” or “Good Morning” are a few examples. Less is more, less is more…

How about, “Hey, Asshole?”
That works.  As long as it’s sincere.

Dance Studio
There are boxing lessons?
Yes, ask owner and he’ll connect you with instructor.

Why should I take boxing lessons?
Improve mental toughness and your sense of rhythm.

Do I have to be buff or in great shape to take it?
No.  You won’t get hurt, promise. It’ll be fitness heavy if you’re not in good shape.  You won’t get to hit anything or get hit until you’re ready.

Clothing Store
What’s going on with clothing store?
It’s being converted into a book-centric thrift store.  So there’ll still be clothes and maybe other knick knacks.

Cool, what sort of books?
Books that respectable middle-class people are afraid to keep in their homes (so they sneak read elsewhere).  From Milo Yiannapolous to Anais Nin to Georges Bataille to a Traci Lords biography (we have it).

Can I sell books?
Yes, we’ll take most books in exchange for $1 juice bar credit per book.  Certain books we’ll pay more for.

What type of books?
Any genre, we won’t judge.  How we categorize the books will surprise you.


Eight Years Old

We’re eight years old!  Thanks to those who’ve helped us make it this far. We’re grateful for your humor and patience. We’re often not easy to deal with!

View More:

(Left to Right): Moe, Sally, and Muffin say “Thanks for putting up with us.  Especially when Muffin unexpectedly lands in your salad.”

Future Plans
We’ll continue to spread Redneck values that built this nation while lampooning the ridiculous and insipid middle-class manners and sensibilities that are making people fat and/or crazy.

We’ve successfully brought in the “Thug & Redneck” demographic.  Now we’re going after Generation Z customers, who are already, and more than any recent generation, questioning the sanity of the middle-class mindset.  Let them know that students get $1 off drinks. (Those smart enough to drop out of school get $500 gift card).

Juice Bar Location
We’ll likely move the juice bar to another location once the lease is up in 2020.  (24 Fitness will move to another location by then).  Possibilities:

  • Mountlake Terrace Town Center (Diamond Knot and Double D Meats)
  • Downtown Snohomish
  • Anacortes

We’d convert into a hybrid restaurant that’s a juice bar for breakfast and lunch and a (redneck) bistro in the evening.  We may even add a produce and specialty goods section, something similar to the defunct Mana Mills.

Dance Studio
If we move, we’re not taking the dance studio with us.  Unless we end up in Mountlake Terrace town center, then maybe we open another one.

Clothing store.
It’s on the verge of closing and being converted into another workout room to host Body Posing and Boxing classes that’s held in our dance studio. Final decision soon.

Prepared Meals
We’re trying to grow the prepared meals part of the business. We can hit the price point most customers expect, we just need help with account management and sales. Let us know if you’re interested in helping us grow this into a spin-off business.

Our prepared meals contain 5-6 oz of protein, 6 oz. of fiber dense starch, 12 oz. of veggies. Correct portions for most people.

There’s still a lot of work to do.  Let do it!  Agape.

Moe and Sally say “Hi!”


Why People Get Fat

For the same reason people get hooked on meds and/or heroin.  From an NIH study:

 And yet there is substantial experimental evidence that refined sugar can promote addictive behaviours by activating the brain’s rewards centres in much the same way as addictive drugs…These connections have led to questions of whether excessive consumption of refined sugar may affect vulnerability to opioid addiction.

So sugar could be a gate-way drug to heroin.  Kevin Cann on the similarities between sugar and heroin:

High sugar foods can cause similar reactions as what we see with heroin.  Excessive amounts of sugar (as well as fat) can lead to the release of increased amounts of dopamine.

Sugar works like an opiate.  Like heroin, it reduces emotional suffering (anxiety and/or depression), and makes physical pain tolerable.

Obesity Rate and Mental Illness
Obesity rate in the US has tripled since 1980.  Same with mental illness.  Not claiming there’s a link.  Just saying.

Emotional Eaters
Self-control isn’t the problem, there’s something else going on. The person who spends more time fantasizing about carbs than does a 17 year old boy about genitals is emotionally similar to the 20 year old who can’t get it up anymore when the real deal happens because of his porn addiction. You can’t truly enjoy food when you’re obsessed with it, just as you can’t enjoy sex when it’s all you think about.

Who are Emotional Eaters?
They’re comparable to those who get PTSD.  University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson on who gets PTSD:


Summary for those of you who don’t want to watch it:

  • The naive get PTSD because they’re not emotionally ready to face monsters, especially the monster within.
  • The naive aren’t virtuous.  They’re emotionally corrupt infantalized adults who want a life they don’t deserve and will never happen.
  • Monsters are everywhere.  When the circumstances are right, they appear.
  • Those who don’t get PTSD recognize the monster within and in others. They’ve spent their lives preparing to face monsters.
  • The ones who blame the Monsters for their trauma will never recover.
  • Become virtuous by recognizing the monster within — “become dangerous” — and taming it to serve the greater good.

Similarly, emotional eating is an infantile reaction to “Fear and Trembling” (Kierkegaard), the anxiety and depression that sets in when life doesn’t happen as expected.  Food addiction is just a socially more acceptable version of heroin addiction — both make pain tolerable and are premised on living life as a series of escapes from, instead of engagement with, the harsh realities of life.

How to Lose Weight

What do you tell a fat person to help her lose weight?
a) Exercise more self- control
b) Stop trying to be happy
c) Start eating at Alive Juice Bar

Correct answer is B.  Jordan Peterson on why trying to be happy *all the time* makes people fat and/or batshit crazy:

Summary: The addicted are those who believe that one’s “natural” state should be one of happiness. When you think you’re supposed to be happy most of the time, an idea reinforced by much of American society — consider the moronic “Hi, how are you…I’m fine, how are you?  I’m fine too, thank you…” babble that the emotionally corrupt exchange with each other everyday — you’ll do whatever it takes to make what you think is “normal” a reality.  This is the mindset behind our addictions.

That it’s bad for you to try to make happiness our default state of mind isn’t a new idea, Peterson’s advice is based on readings of Classical philosophy and theology.  From the Bible to Plato to Buddhism to Kierkegaard to Nietzsche, there isn’t one significant philosopher and religion that tells people that life is supposed to be mostly happy.  All the great philosophers, all the great religions remind us that life is supposed to be cruel, lonely, and filled with random acts of violence.

The NFL player who is elated after winning a championship isn’t happy 99 percent of the time he’s playing and training.  He’s in pain, more pain than most people will ever experience.  Neither is the Olympic gymnast who wins a gold medal. Or Taylor Swift.  Or Madonna. Or the Nobel Laureate. Or the marathon runner.  The good life is supposed to be mostly pain and frustration and suffering with a few moments of happiness and even fewer ones of euphoria.  Those who understand how life is supposed to be will make something out of it, while the rest become addicts.

An employee who was on depression meds was missing work 3-4 times a month because of migraines (a symptom of depression).  She stopped getting migraines after I told her that “we’re all playing in pain.” How we understand our pain and suffering, not the pain and suffering itself, is what matters.

If life is supposed to be varying degrees pain with fleeting moment of pleasure, what’s the point? Albert Camus asked this question and he answered with a reading of the Myth of Sisyphus, the dumbass (that’s us!) who pushed a rock up a mountain only to watch it roll back to the bottom time over and over.  Summary of his reading:

You can either watch other people’s rocks roll down or be pushing yours up and up, despite knowing that someday and often it too will roll down the hill.

In the end, we die. The rock wins, we lose.  Unless you believe in God’s grace.

How to Love Monsters
Not that hard.  Imagine you get the cutest puppy in the world.

Which one of the Monsters do you pick?

First week she pisses and shits on your new rug.  Second week she chews up your Bottega Venetta bag and Zanotti sandals. Third week she chews the passenger seat of your new car.  Fourth week she steals your steak dinner while you take a piss.  Fifth week she sneaks off and brings back a dead chicken, likely from a house three blocks away.  Hate your Monster yet?

Yet it’s possible to love her.  You house-train her.  You teach her to chew on her toys and not your fashion.  You build a yard that includes a six foot fence and chicken wire underground so she doesn’t sneak off to wreck havoc. You run with her and take her to dog parks so she unleashes her energy constructively. And you learn to never, ever leave your food unattended while she’s around.

Point is, you learn to love by working with human nature and not by trusting anyone 100 percent.  You don’t let your boyfriend go on vacation to Bangkok with his buddies because you know what they’re going to do there.  You don’t marry the stripper half your age without making her sign a prenup agreement.  You don’t let your husband drive your drunk sister home. You’re not surprised to find barely legal porn in your just deceased grandfather’s collection.  You just keep pushing the rock up and up and start over when you lose grip and it falls back to the bottom, which is going to happen a lot.  So don’t take it personally when your wife fucks your best friend, just as you shouldn’t kick your dog for eating your dinner.

How do you build a child’s immune system so she doesn’t become a sickly adult?


a) Protect her from germs and bacteria
b) Expose her to germs and bacteria
c) Educate her about germs and bacteria so she can make her own decisions

Correct answer is B.  How resilient an immune system a person has is determined by the range of germs and bacteria he’s exposed to in the first 5 years of life.  That’s why babies who grow up in homes with dogs and cats become healthier adults than counterparts without pets.  So how do you build a child’s tolerance for stress and trauma so she doesn’t end up an addict?

Final Thought

Philosopher Theodor Adorno, living in the US after fleeing Nazi Germany, called Walt Disney the most dangerous man in America.  Why would he say that?


Was Walt Disney as dangerous as Hitler?

Why We Don’t Carry Wheatgrass (don’t read if offended by racist material)


Discussion about why we don’t name any ingredient a “super” anything and really really offensive material about Oprah and White people farther down. First, let’s get this wheatgrass debate settled.

We don’t carry wheatgrass, despite demand for it.  Here’s why:

From random uncredentialed guy writing on Skeptico blog: Wheatgrass is for Cows
Summary: Wheatgrass is for cows, not humans, as humans are unable to digest it as cows do.

But why should we trust some random guy on random blogsite?

From Webmd: Wheatgrass Claims
ummary: Review of independent peer reviewed studies of wheatgrass show that there’s little or no evidence of its purported health benefits to those who drink it.

But that’s just another website, the article isn’t peer reviewed,  and we don’t know if author left out studies in his review.  So let’s go with a renown Naturopath who is also an MD.

From Dr. Andrew Weil, MD (from Harvard),  undergrad in Botany (from Harvard); founder of Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine. Currently Clinical Professor of Medicine, a Professor of Public Health, and the Lovell-Jones Professor of Integrative Rheumatology at University of Arizona School of Medicine: Wheatgrass Does Not Deliver
Summary: Wheatgrass is bullshit.  Key quotes:

On benefits of chlorophyll: chlorophyll, the green pigment that gives plants their color, has no nutritional role in the human body, a fact that hasn’t stopped promoters from making extravagant claims for it. Secondly, there’s no evidence to suggest that wheatgrass or chlorophyll are substitutes for 2.2 pounds of vegetables. If you search the medical literature for “wheatgrass,” you find very few entries and none at all suggesting that it has any health benefits for humans.

Nutritionally speaking, wheatgrass simply doesn’t deliver on the promoters’ promises. I certainly wouldn’t recommend substituting it for any of the fresh vegetables and fruits in your diet. Spend your money on good, organically produced food, not on wheatgrass or other sprouts or grasses marketed as “super-foods.”

From American Cancer Society, which has provided funding to 47 Nobel Lauretes: Review of Wheatgrass
ummary: No evidence AND beware of supplements general, as actual amount of ingredient consumer wants varies. Person who made wheatgrass a health fad was a quack and batshit crazy.

In 1982, the Massachusetts Attorney General sued Wigmore for claiming that her program could reduce or eliminate the need for insulin in diabetics. She later retracted her claims. In 1988, the Massachusetts Attorney General sued Wigmore again, this time for claiming that an “energy enzyme soup” she invented could cure AIDS. Wigmore was ordered to stop representing herself as a physician or person licensed to treat disease. Although Wigmore died in 1993, her Creative Health Institute is still active. Wheatgrass is readily available, and her diet is still in use.

So what is it about human nature that allows so many people — the highly intelligent included, even Steve Jobs gets duped — to buy snake-oils like wheatgrass, to believe in bullshit?

Human Nature
If there’s anything to be learned from Cultural Anthropology (and there’s not much), it’s that as social structure evolves — feudalism to capitalism, for instance — social codes and archetypes from one era reappear in another in a different form. Example: Aunt Jemima, year 1900.  She’s loved by White people because she takes good care of them.  Mammy, the “house nigger” archetype. Oprah Winfrey, year 2000.  Same shit, different form.  Look at her audience — mostly middle-class White women. Oprah is their Mammy, telling them which books to read, which diets to follow, which causes to get worked up about. Only difference is that Oprah makes coin because she lives in a more advanced (or different) stage of capitalism than did those who represented Aunt J in minstrel shows a century ago.

Not saying those who don’t like rap (code) necessarily hate Black people.  Not saying those with Free Tibet stickers (code) dislike Chinese people or Asians in general.  Just saying it’s human nature to classify and differentiate, to codify and regulate identities. Telling people it’s socially unacceptable to call a Chinaman (archetype) a Chinaman (code) doesn’t mean people will stop thinking of or treat the Chinaman as a Chinaman, or a Wetback a Wetback, a Dago Wop a Dago Wop.  They’ll just find a more socially acceptable way to express difference.

The codes and archetypes evolve to reflect the aims and needs of the political economy. Slavery (code) in the US didn’t end because enough people *finally* recognized such bondage as immoral. You really think white abolitionists (archetype) gave a shit about “Negroes” anymore than they cared about the “free” Irish immigrants who lived a mile away from them in conditions, according to a University of Chicago economist, even worse than those of Southern slaves? Slavery ended because enough people figured out that it doesn’t work well with industrial capitalism. Slavery became immoral because it was becoming inefficient — less productive than wage labor — and not because the temptation to exploit other people in such a way had waned. Just because material life has gotten better and society more civil doesn’t mean human nature has changed. People are still scared and vain and will seek short-cuts to the Kingdom of Heaven by trying to create Heaven on Earth, with disastrous consequences.  People will forever do some fucked up shit to each other, with most justifying, rationalizing as good and just what they’ve done, from carpet bombing a village to interrogation by torture to massacre. Instead of burning the witch at the stake, now we post compromising photos of that bitch on Instagram.

History and Human Nature
Why is it we can laugh at or be horrified by instances of human depravity and degeneracy throughout history, yet not recognize our own sins and follies? We can laugh at Ponce DeLeon for being a dumbass for searching for the Fountain of Youth (AND believe in this story which likely isn’t true), yet we fall for wheatgrass, spirulina, weight-loss pills, cock enlargement pumps, reverse-aging creams, those metal bracelets that do whatever it is they’re supposed to do, and ionized water?

Medical doctors and scientists would probably blame low scientific literacy as the source of the problem.  Sure sure, most people don’t understand the scientific method or how clinical trials work or the difference between correlation and causation or how problematic observational studies are and what can be concluded from a mice study or what “double blind peer review” means.  But I don’t think a person needs to be familiar with any of the above to detect bullshit. We have built-in bullshit detectors.  We just don’t use them.

So why don’t we use our bullshit detectors? What makes it so tempting to hear only what we want to hear, to see only what we want to see in ourselves and others?  When do we become susceptible to believing fantastic promises that appeal to our vanities?

Part of it is how history is often taught, how we understand it.  “Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” Thanks for the reminder, George, but forgetting the past isn’t the reason why history repeats itself. History repeats itself especially when it’s NOT forgotten. Guy sentenced to life in jail for vehicular homicide didn’t forget his three DUIs, he was just being human, a dumbass creature of habit.  And I’m not claiming “progress” hasn’t been made, I’ll take my toilet over whatever Jesus used. I’m saying that thinking of the trajectory of history as “moral progress”  — qualified by “if we study history” — makes us blind to ourselves, our Original Sin. Unable to see ourselves in Pol Pot, Hitler, Henry V, Catherine the Great, Stalin, Caligula, Judas Iscariot, we become arrogant, vain, self-righteous and self-satisfied.  “I would never have owned slaves,” the American Apparel clad college girl tells herself as she reads Howard Zinn’s People’s History. “I would’ve released them, then teach them how to read, to start a glorious revolution.” Twenty years later she’s living in a nearly Black-less neighborhood, and the closest she’s ever come to helping anyone Black has been her purchase of tunes from Aaliyah and a Richard Sherman jersey. How’s that for ironic living?

Superfood as Colonial Narrative
Is there an Anthropologist in the house?  We’re going to need one soon.

(Artistic license taken) “Acai berries for super duper healthy living AND to empower the peasants, save them from greedy capitalists!”  In May 2009, Bloomberg reported that the expanding popularity of açaí in the United States was “depriving Brazilian jungle dwellers of a protein-rich nutrient they’ve relied on for generations.” From Reality Check: “False claims include reversal of diabetes and other chronic illnesses, as well as expanding size of the penis and increasing men’s sexual virility.” Oops, we fucked up.

“Quinoa for super duper healthy living AND to empower the peasants, save them from greedy capitalists!”  From UK Guardian: “Ethical consumers should be aware poor Bolivians can no longer afford their staple grain, due to western demand raising prices.” Oops, we fucked up.

(From Runa website, word for word) Runa is a social enterprise supporting indigenous farmers and reforestation in the Amazon. Runa brews beverages from guayusa, a super-leaf from the Amazon …”  We should know how this “social enterprise” (social fucking enterprise! these fuckers aren’t even subtle about it anymore) is going to end.  But we get duped by the same message over and over again: Fountain of Youth! Bigger Penis! Save the Peasants from Greedy Capitalists! We fall for the same pick up line because it makes us feel good, and because deep down, we don’t give a shit about those jungle dwelling brown motherfuckers, which is why we can conveniently forget — no, ignore — what happened to them last time we tried to help them. We just like to believe we care about them, and that their big big smiles are for real when they take photos with us. It’s as if colonialism never ended. Instead of gold and guns, now the imperialists use superfoods to fuck things up in their own fucked up way.  The colonial narrative, that trifecta of: glory and riches, more pussy, and White burden, continues on in American grocery stores and on dining tables.

Here’s where an Anthropologist may be of help. Instead of studying impact of superfood agriculture on environment and culture, instead of studying the Other, let’s study White people.  By White people, I don’t mean genotype or White individuals.  I mean White people as trope, as inheritors of a colonial legacy. As consumers of *all races* unwilling to recognize the colonial past in their post-colonial present. Let’s get to the source of the problem.

History and Human Nature Part II: Self Interest vs. Vanity

Most schools and media teach history as the story about good people as victims of bad people and that we have moral obligation to help the victims of present and past and punish the bad. Put simply, propaganda. The Aliens watching us from Alpha Centauri don’t see good versus evil, they only see people doing fucked up shit to each other, just as we see animals in the wild do fucked up shit to each other but don’t assign moral value to their actions.  That’s precisely the kind of story Thucydides wrote about in History of the Peloponnesian Wars. It’s a seminal historical text because it’s the first to be so cold, detached, impartial; because it isn’t a story about good and evil, it’s about *human nature* and how we can best protect ourselves from other people. It’s a story about how there are NEITHER victims NOR volunteers.  There are only competing self-interests that sometimes come in conflict with another.

Santayana’s “remember the past so you don’t make the same mistakes,” is an alluring way to read history because it appeals to our vanity. “Those bad bad people are them, and I’m me, who would never do that, I’m better than that” we’re led to think.  Really?  The only reason why the 19 year old girl who worships Ayn Rand (a Fuck You conservative) can declare herself a Communist (combo = psychobitch, guaranteed) without a hint of irony is because she doesn’t have the power to round people up and work them to death at a labor camp. And she’s too chickenshit to do anything more than tell her Facebook friends that that bitch is not her mom. Send her back in time — give her power, make her Catherine the Great — then we’ll see who she really is. There will be blood everywhere.

If Santayana’s version of history takes down the proverbial mirror we need to recognize ourselves in our readings of the past, reading history as the codification of identity and the study of human nature nails it back up for us to see who we really are.  With history as the study of human nature on repeat, every cheat, murderer, dumbass, fool, coward, and psychopath we read about becomes a story about our present condition, a reflection of who we are. It helps us recognize our own follies, our venality and arrogance, our total depravity. It may help us to smell present-day bullshit like this:

Ignored Since the 1950s – Is Spirulina Now a ‘Miracle’ High-Protein Super Food?

Imagine a plant that can nourish your body by providing most of the protein you need to live, help prevent the annoying sniffling and sneezing of allergies, reinforce your immune system, help you control high blood pressure and cholesterol, and help protect you from cancer. Does such a “super food” exist?

Yes. It’s called spirulina.

Which isn’t much different from bullshit from the past, like this:


The ingredients may change, but human nature remains.

The Vanity of Vanities
According to Socrates, there are two types of people: dumbasses who know they’re dumbasses, and dumbasses who don’t.  The former ask more questions and make fewer assumptions because of their insecure knowledge. The latter ask few questions and rely on belief, bullshit, and bromides to sustain their vain sense of self. The former go with what sounds right.  The latter with what sounds good.

Vanity is self-interest turned on its side, that desire for a sense of progress and self-esteem rather than actual improvement. Pay up and pop the pill to feel like effort and progress has been made, even though it’d cost less and be more effective to consistently eat diverse and balanced meals and to exercise daily.  Vanity and its dampening affect on our bullshit detectors, not poor science literacy, is what feeds the pseudoscience and anti-science industries. Michael Schulson, on the importance of keeping our vanity in check when thinking about the politics of science (from  Whole Foods: America’s Temple of Pseudoscience):

It’s that whenever we talk about science and society, it helps to keep two rather humbling premises in mind: very few of us are anywhere near rational. And pretty much all of us are hypocrites.

And dumbasses.


How to Get Kids To Eat Their Veggies and To Love Their Parents

Let’s back up so we can get to the source of the problem.  How do you get someone to fall in love with you?  Pick:

a) Be really really nice to that person.
b) Hire a witch, cast a love spell.
c) Get that person to do things for you.

Option A doesn’t work, it gets you either ignored or used because nice is cheap, it’s ineffective, it’s too easy to pull off, there’s too much of it around.

Option B comes with a lot of side-effects and it can get weird when the spell hits the wrong target so better not.

Option C works, not because “relationship experts” say so, but because it’s the option that requires the most work.  Life isn’t supposed to be easy.

Why Kids Don’t Love Their Parents
People assume their kids love them because they think it’s a law of nature for kids to love their parents.  Not so, according to the Story of Oedipus, that motherfucker murdered his dad and then fucked his mom.  This story endures in public consciousness because it reminds us of the uncomfortable truths we’d prefer to not think about, or to only consider academically. Deep down, and in spite of incessant bromides about self-love as the solution, we know we’re no longer in the Garden of Eden and we’re unsure of what to do about it.

What makes the Story of Oedipus so unsettling and compelling is that while every character in the story knew what was supposed to go down, nobody knew what was happening.  That’s the most terrifying kind of horror. If it had just been a story about some kid throwing a shit fit for getting grounded and killing dad and raping mom in the process, we’d treat it as a sad and tragic spectacle and assume the kid became a sociopath because he was molested by his football coach and his mom was a drunk who called him a “stupid, useless, cunt” one too many times.

Instead, it’s a story about funked up shit happening to good people who try their best as parents.  Oedipus was born to good parents who had to make a difficult decision — abort their only child to save the kingdom and themselves. So they left him for dead in the middle of nowhere.  Oedipus, luckily (or unluckily), was found and saved by someone and then adopted by good parents — king and queen from another kingdom. And he tried to be a good son — when a prophet told him that he’d kill his dad and fuck his mom, he exiled himself, not realizing that he would soon unknowingly encounter his birth dad.

Only encounter with birth dad, they squabble and Oedipus beats the shit out of him, killing him. First prophesy fulfilled and nobody realizes it. Which invites us to ask unsettling questions about ourselves: would I love my parents/children if they weren’t my parents/children? Would I hate them and want to kill them, as Oedipus did? Would my kid love me if she didn’t need me to survive?

How many of us are Oedipus?  How many of us don’t want to kill dad and rape mom, but do so anyway, without realizing it?

How to Teach Kids to Love Their Parents

The Story of Oedipus reminds us that we live in a cruel and lonely world and nothing should be taken for granted. We can’t assume there’s an unbreakable and spiritual love-bond between a parent and a child.  And whatever bond there is is sociological and ephemeral, love requires a lot of work and perseverance.  Check out the confessions section of Scary Mommy if you don’t believe me.

If love is an action and not a feeling, then like most actions, it has to be taught and practiced, it doesn’t just happen. Teaching a kid to love a parent requires the same effort as making friends or getting someone to fall in love with you, it’s the same dynamic.  To make friends, you have to figure out a way to get that person to do something for you so they become emotionally invested in you. Benjamin Franklin, from his autobiography, on how to make friends:

He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.[

Make the person do something for you. Make them invest in you.  Below is an example of how Franklin turned an enemy into a friend:

Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return’d it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.

Take something away from someone if you want to make an enemy.  Give something away for free too often if you want to be used and disrepected. Have someone give you something if you want a friend.  Same dynamic when seeking romantic love,  according to random “romantic relationship expert”:

In fact, when people see you doing stuff for them for free, unsolicited, or uncompensated, their thought is never, “Wow, what a great guy! I should repay him in spades!” but rather, “Oh, that’s nice – it’s nice having nice people around like this who give me stuff. Thanks, nice person!”

Yeah yeah, I know your friend paid you back with food and drink when you helped her move.  That’s why you’re friends. You wouldn’t be friends anymore if she hadn’t reciprocated, right? Because it’d be disrespectful to not reciprocate.  Yet there are parents who keep giving and giving and giving to their kids while getting little or nothing in return; or the nice guy who keeps paying for dates and buying gifts but can’t get a commitment or even a make out session from his crush. Parents will then blame technology and culture for producing entitled, disrespectful and narcissistic kids; the nice guy will blame women for preferring assholes.  Both of which are lame excuses that prevents them from blaming the source of the problem: themselves.

Nice people are liked, but not respected, we learn from history and classical literature and political philosophy.  “Now that’s fucked up,” some of you are thinking, “I won’t play that game.” Fine, but don’t play martyr when disrespected because it’s a lot easier to play Santa than to empower someone to become who she wants to be.  Kobe Bryant, one of the most disliked AND respected NBA players of all-time on what he wished he had done with his money when he made his first millions early in his career:

You will come to understand that you were taking care of them because it made YOU feel good; it made YOU happy to see them smiling and without a care in the world…While you were feeling satisfied with yourself, you were slowly eating away at their own dreams and ambitions. You were adding material things to their lives, but subtracting the most precious gifts of all: independence and growth.

“While you were feeling satisfied with yourself,” because Kobe’s been there, he’s done that. He knows a handout is the quintessential narcissistic douche bag act that’s neither effective nor an act of love precisely because it’s the easy thing to do to gain short-term pleasure at the expense of another person’s dignity and long-term happiness.  Kobe on how he wished he had treated people when he earned his first millions:

When your [NBA] dream comes true…you need to figure out a way to invest in the future of your family and friends. “I said INVEST. I did not say GIVE.

Invest means not giving girlfriend the weekend getaway she wants until she passes a section of the CPA exam she’s been studying for; no blowjobs until husband sets personal sales record for the month; no squeeky toy for dog until she learns a new obstacle course; no catnip until the cat catches that mouse.  This is how people and animals learn to perform at high levels. And that’s why it’s so hard to do so, why it’s easier to give than to invest: investing requires self-denial, patience, respect, and the ability to enter another’s spirit. Giving merely fulfills immediate needs, it’s like giving heroin to someone who is in pain, or candy to a kid so he stops crying.  Kobe on the effectiveness of investing rather than giving:

As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result.

So how do we *teach* a kid to love his parents?  To begin with, teach the kid to become *emotionally invested* in the parents.  And it starts early, by drilling habits. Meaning, parents don’t tie a kid’s shoes, kid ties parents’s shoes and shines them.  Parents don’t spend money to entertain kid, kid entertains parents by memorizing and reciting parents’s favorite poems and performing their favorite songs. Parents don’t pay for kid’s pedicure and massage session just because, kid massages her parents feet every day after school to earn that right once a quarter. Parents don’t cook and clean for kid, kid cooks and clean for parent and if the food sucks, send it back, have kid redo it because that’s how it is in the real world.  Parents don’t take kid out to dinner to celebrate first job; kid takes parents out to dinner when he gets his first paycheck to thank them for the opportunity to have a job and for driving him to and from. Parents don’t pay for kid’s grand tour after college graduation, kid saves and saves and saves to send parents on all-expense paid vacation to thank them. Parents don’t buy their kids their first house,  kid buys parent a vacation home before buying their first. That’s how to teach a kid to not send parent to a decrepit rat-infested nursing home when parent turns geriatric.  That’s how to teach a kid that love is an act, not a narcissistic and impressionistic feeling.

“But they won’t do any of the above,” some parents are thinking. Then reject them, just as you should reject an abusive spouse or a friend who stabs you in the back.  Because when a kid takes and takes and takes and never gives only asks for more, that’s abuse, they’re learning how to be abusive and they’re going to be abusers as adults. Why put up with it? Why feed it?  Only people who suffer from Battered Spouse Syndrome put up with that kind of shit.


She knows, because she forgave him after she caught him fucking her sister.


She gives all her money to her daughter. Her daughter routinely calls her a “cunt” and tells her to “shut the fuck up” when asked to do the dishes.

How to Get Kid Who Doesn’t Want to Eat Veggies to Eat Them

Answer is the same as how to get a kid to love parents.  Back to the question asked in the beginning:

How do you get someone to fall in love with you?  (Or, how do you get your kid to love you)? Correct answer in bold:

a) Be really really nice to that person.
b) Hire a witch, cast a love spell.
c) Get that person to do things for you

Which is easier said than done.  It takes a lot of work to get a kid to be emotionally invested in parents’s well being by teaching and training her to take care of her parents the moment she can walk on her own. If she doesn’t get in the habit of doing things for her parents early in her life, she won’t do it when parents are late in their lives. Amy Chua (aka Tiger Cunt to some) knows that so she trains her daughters — even at ages 20 and 23 — to be her bitches.  Here’s a contract she wrote and had them sign when she sensed her daughters were going to take advantage of her generosity:

WHEREAS Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld are the owners of Apt. [XXX] at [XXX], and their children are not;

WHEREAS Children owe their parents everything, even in the West, where many have conflicted feelings about this;


In exchange for Amy and Jed allowing them to stay in their NYC apartment from June 1, 2016 to August 1, 2016, Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld and Louisa Chua-Rubenfeld agree to the following irrevocable duties and conditions:

1. To occupy only the junior bedroom.

2. To greet Jed Rubenfeld & Amy Chua with spontaneous joy and gratitude whenever they visit.

3. To make their (joint) bed every day, and not to fight about who does it.

4. To never, ever use the phrase, “Relax—it’s not a big deal.”

5. To always leave all internal doors in the apartment wide open whenever Jed, Amy or any company whatsoever (including relatives) are in the apartment, with an immaculately made bed in full view and no clothing or other junk on the floor of the bedroom in sight.

6. Whenever any guests visit, to come out of the bedroom immediately in a respectable state, greet the guests with enthusiasm, and sit and converse with the guests in the living room for at least 15 minutes.

7. To always be kind to our trusty Samoyeds Coco and Pushkin, who Sophia and Louisa hereby agree have greater rights to the apartment than Sophia and Louisa do, and to walk them to the dog park at least once a day when they visit, within 30 minutes of being asked to do so by Amy.

8. To fill the refrigerator with fresh OJ from Fairway for Jed on days when he is in town.

9. To keep the pillows in the living room in the right place and PLUMPED and to clean the glass table with Windex whenever it is used.

ADDITIONALLY, Sophia and Louisa agree that the above duties and conditions will not be excused even in the event of illness, hangovers, migraines, work crises or mental breakdowns (whether their own or their friends’).

Sophia and Louisa agree that if they violate any one of these conditions, Amy and Jed will have the right to get the Superintendent or a doorman to restrain them from entering the apartment; and to change the locks.

All of which are reasonable requests since they’re getting free rent in one of the most expensive real estate markets in the world. Tiger Cunt on above contract:

The fact is, we’re never off the hook as parents. Even when your kids are in their 20s, it’s still a constant balancing act. Are we asking too much of them or too little? Are we being strong and holding them to a high standard, or just being too critical? Are we teaching them by example how to live a happy, meaningful, giving life?

More importantly, she’s teaching them how to reciprocate and to not take advantage of other people’s kindness.  She’s teaching them how to be gracious. She’s teaching them how to love. She doesn’t hope for reciprocity and respect, she demands it.

From UK Guardian:

Food researchers at Ohio State University and Cornell University in New York found that children are five times more likely to eat salad when they have grown it themselves.

Children who are *emotionally invested* in the food in front of them are more likely to eat it. They don’t necessarily have to grow it — they can prep or serve it, for instance — they just have to be involved in the work of making a meal happen to become emotionally invested.


Her smile isn’t fake, she wasn’t forced to smile.  She grows and eats her veggies.


Third graders in Japan serving food to classmates. Even though they’re not smiling, they’re still happy.  Or maybe they’re not happy about having to drink milk because they’re lactose intolerant, as are most Asians.  Either way, they’re going to eat their veggies.  Unless the Washington Post reporter is lying.  If he is, he’s a dickhead.

How to Get Kids Involved in Making Their Own Meals

But some kids don’t want to be involved in making their own meals. Which brings us back to the source of the problem: kids who’ve never been trained to love their parents (don’t misread that, read it carefully). That’s where it begins.  A lot of people think that pain-in-the-ass kids are the way they are because their parents haven’t loved them enough, haven’t done enough for them.  No, look around, look especially at the middle-class fuck ups, they’re the way they are not because they grew up poor or their parents have neglected them or they weren’t loved enough, but because they’ve never had to do anything for their parents.  They never had to earn their parents’s love.  They never learned to love.

A child who doesn’t know how to love another isn’t going to be able to learn how to love eating veggies.  Such a child is accustomed to receiving love (pleasure) from his parents without having to work for it.  So why would he want to work at improving his palate when he’s been trained to receive pleasure immediately and often, without pain and effort? Getting such a child to eat vegetables is the least of our worries. There’s going to be meth addiction.

Love isn’t the solution, it should be the end result.  By making love the solution, it becomes the problem. Children don’t need more love, they need to learn how to love. Only when they learn to love will they be ready to experience how good a succulent bite of sausage can be when preceded with a crisp bite of lightly sauteed zucchini; and appreciate the effort put into loving them from those who love them the most.

Frequently Asked Questions XVII


Is it true the owner tried to stab a customer to death with a carrot?  
Who told you that?

How do people react when they’re charged the $5 Idiot Tax?
Fucking pissed.  

How are you still in business?
on’t know.

Why would the owner defend McDonald’s?  link here  
So people take responsibility for their problems instead of blaming convenient scapegoats.

Where did Roxanne G. learn to troll?
She participated in rap battles starting in middle-school.

Who are the greatest trollers of all time?
Socrates is the grand-daddy of Western trollers, known for his epic comebacks. Nietzsche is my favorite, he was Eminem before Eminem. Eminem is another great one.  Jesus Christ is up there, the way he dissed the Pharisees is legendary.  Schopenhauer wrote a great manual (The Art of Controversy).  Milo Yiannapolous is entertaining but hasn’t reached level of the great ones.


Called Hegel a “flat-headed, insipid, nauseating, illiterate charlatan.”


You offer gift cards? 

Are you going to sell more cacao? 
Yes, and we’re going to offer more affordable version.  Won’t have the fancy packaging but it’ll cost less.

Where can I get turmeric that’s affordable? 
We sell it for $10/lb. Or go to JD’s Market on 44th and 200th, Lynnwood.  That’s where we get it.

What’ so great about turmeric? 
Reduces inflammation as well as leading anti-inflammation drugs without the side effects.

Do you offer gluten-free gravy?
Yes, it’s a special order.  We make it with cauliflower.   If there’s something you want that’s not on our menu, ask. You’ll be surprised with what we can make.

Health and Obesity

Why does owner think verbal compliments are the gateway to obesity and heroin addiction? 
Vacant gratuitous compliments are like empty calories: they provide short-term pleasure but long-term pain. When the addicted experience withdrawal symptoms, they’ll use food to make up for insufficient verbal compliments.  When food isn’t enough, they use heroin and other drugs.

Some think it’s polite to give vacant gratuitous compliments.  It’s not, it’s similar to those who say they’re packing love when they pack a school lunch full of empty calories for their kids.  Or giving candy to a kid to shut him up.  These addictions didn’t start with food and pharmaceutical companies, they started at the earliest stages of life.


Dude giving candy to kids — polite nice guy or creeper?


Does NPR provide balanced news?
As far as American mainstream media goes, it offers the most balanced reporting.  

Does it lean left or right?
NPR promotes conservative personal values and, paradoxically, left-leaning social politics.

What do you mean? 
Typical NPR listener is upper-middle class and they love it when NPR features variations of Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours rule and Carol Dweck’s grit and resilience philosophy.  Put simply, they value for themselves *hard-work over talent,* never allow themselves and their children to make excuses, and put in 60-80 hour work weeks.  Yet they allow those less fortunate to make excuses (and often make excuses for them) and to think that talent trumps effort, and support policies that infantalize them.

Why do they expect less from the less fortunate?
Modern day noblesse oblige.  Nothing generous or noble about it.











Answers to “Seeking Darth(ette) Vader to Join the Dark Side” application questions.

Note: some questions have multiple correct answers.

We’ll keep this up for a few days.  Thanks to those who applied.


The Jedi code is stupid.  The Dark Side is the right side.  We will teach you the ways of the Dark Side. The Sith code:

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

Job Description: Enforce our will on all who oppose us.  Keep proto-fascists out of Death Star.  Do whatever it takes to grow and defend the Empire.

Job Perks: free juice, some free food. Free use of dance studio when it’s not being used.

Below are our application questions. Your answers will show us if you’re ready to join the Dark Side and what you need to learn to harness the Dark Force.  Boldface your answers, like this:

Which color ball do you prefer?
a) This one
b) That one
c) This is a stupid question.

Send with resume to


Whom does Chewbacca want to bang?
a) Princess Leia
b) C3PO
c) Darth Vader

Who has the biggest penis?
a) Yoda
b) Darth Vader
c) Chewbaccca

Earthquake during math class! Big enough to topple bookshelves. Nobody is hurt, everyone is okay, just jittery. What do you, as teacher, do?
a) Stop class, act jittery and anxious because that’s how you feel.
b) Have students clean up mess and continue class as if nothing happened. Assign double amount of homework and quizzes for rest of the week.
c) Stop class, bring in school psychologist to discuss how everyone is handling the event and “post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Pick best Golden Rule:
a) Treat others as you want to be treated
b) Treat others as they treat you
c) Trick or treat!

Customer walks in (you don’t know his name). How do you greet him?
a) Hey!
b) Hello sir, how are you this evening?
c) Wussup, fuckface?

The bus shows up 10 minutes late, making you 10 minutes late to work. Whose fault is it that you’re late?
a) Bus driver’s
b) Traffic’s
c) My fault

Customer greets you with: “Hi, how are you?” How do you respond? 
a) I’m doing very well. How are you?
b) What do you want?
c) I’m making rice and beans. Try some!

Your co-worker moved something to wrong place and you know it’s in the wrong place. Manager asks why it’s in the wrong place. How do you respond?
a) She put it there, not me.
b) I don’t know, no idea how it got there.
c) I’ll move it.

a) Love, Respect, Love
b) Fear, Respect, Love
c) Love, Goose, Love

Do you believe in self-love?
a) No, only those who are chronically unhappy and deeply troubled believe and need that shit.
b) Yes, in this time of hate, we all need to love ourselves more so we can love others more.
c) No, that’s not allowed in Death Star, which I’ve sworn to protect.

Why are you so smart?
a)I’m not smart, only stupid people think they’re smart
b)I’ve always worked hard and set the highest standards for myself. I took the most challenging courses and tasks and wouldn’t accept anything less than an “A” at school and at work.
c) I’m naturally smart, it’s God given.

How often do you screw up?
a) Rarely, and when I do, it’s someone else’s fault.
b) Never.
c) All the time, I’m such a fuck up.

Why are you so lazy?
a) I daydream a lot.
b) I’m not lazy.
c) I make excuses and blame others when something goes wrong.

Why are you so stupid?
a)I don’t know what I don’t know.
b) For the last time, I’m not stupid, I’m brilliant!
c) I’ve got to be if I’m filling this out.

What’s Plato’s Republic about?
a) Why we’re all dumbasses
b) The meaning of life
c) How to be happy

How many hours a week does the CEO of Walmart work?

How many hours a week does Eminem work?
a) 100

How many hours a week does 50 Cent work?
a) 100
b) 70
c) 40

How many hours a week does Taylor Swift work?
a) 100
What is Taylor Swift most likely doing right now?
a) Shaving off tied up Luke Skywalker’s pubic hair with his light saber while singing Blank Space
b) Singing Teardrops on My Guitar while having sex with Anakin Skywalker as a tied up Padme watches
c) Doing take after take for her next video

What was Eminem likely doing on random date, 2003?
a) Getting high and smacking his hoes
b) Working alone in recording studio, repeating same three lines over and over again because he demands perfection from himself.
c) Getting his dick licked by two of his dancers.

What does the CEO of Walmart do all day?
a)Figures out new ways to exploit hard workers like me.
b)Sets strategy and vision, negotiates partnerships, builds company culture, and manages supply chains to ensure consumers get what they want when they want it.
c)Pretending he’s Jabba the Hut while banging his secretary dressed as Princess Leia

What was Tupac Shakur most likely doing during a typical evening?
a) Reading Machiavelli’s The Prince.
b) Drinking his 40 and smacking his hoes like they’re ewoks.
c) Having a threesome and some cocaine.

What was 50 Cent doing on a random Saturday night, 2006?
a) Getting fucked up his ass by his trainer, who resembles Han Solo
b) Working out, writing songs and negotiating business contracts.
c) Sucking your mom’s big black dick, what the fuck does this have to do with the Dark Side?

Someone leaves knives in soapy water.  What do you do to make sure that person never does it again?
a) Tell her that doing that can hurt someone, that she needs to think about the consequences of her actions.
b) Lock her in the freezer for an hour.
c) Fill sink with soapy water and knives. Have her wash knives.

Jane walks in and orders two 32 oz jars of juice, which will take you 15 minutes to make. Jared walks in immediately after she places her order and orders a small juice, which takes 2 minutes to make. Sam enters immediately after Jared places his order and orders a smoothie, which takes 30 seconds to make, whom do you serve first?
a) Jane
b) Jared
c) Sam

Tiffany’s daughter is throwing ice cubes at other customers. What do you do?
a) Tell them to “get the fuck out.”
b) Politely ask Tiffany to tell her daughter to stop
c) Throw ice cubes at them.

You’re the principal of the school. You visit a class where students are either goofing off or sleeping. What do you do?
a) Tell everyone that anyone who doesn’t pay attention will get failing grade for the day.
b) Don’t do anything. Privately tell teacher that he sucks at teaching, that’s why nobody is listening.
c) Explain to students why it’s important for them to pay attention to their teachers.

You’re sampling drinks. What do you say to get someone to try one?
a) “Hi, would you like to try this?
b) “Try this.”
c) “Drink this or I’ll hit you.”

Your car battery dies so you’re late for work. Whose fault is it you’re late?
a) Nobody’s, sometimes shit happens
b) The battery’s.
c) My fault

Customer asks you what’s the most popular drink. How do you respond?
a) Tell him what you think is most popular.
b) Ask him which flavors he prefers.
c) Ask the manager to answer his question.

As you’re focused on a complicated order, condescending customer tells you that you should smile more if you want a tip. How do you respond?
a) “I’m sorry, I’m having a bad day.”
b) Smile more.
c) Ask her if she’d like a side order of “Fuck Off” to go with her order.

How do you produce kids who will become confident adults with healthy self-esteem?
a) Tell them how amazing, wonderful and special they are.
b) Set higher and higher expectations and expect them to achieve them.
c) Try to build a stress free environment for them so they can achieve their goals.

How do you produce kids who will become batshit crazy as adults?
a) Tell them how wonderful and special they are, all the time.
b) Beat the shit out of them
c) Ignore them

Your 8 year old is new at school.  He gets shoved out of lunch line and is told to get to the back.  He responds by beating the shit out of the kid who bullied him.  What’s your response?
a) Ground him and make him apologize to kid he beat up.
b) Tell him he did the right thing and to never worry about lawsuits, you’ll take care of those if they come up.
c) Have your kid apologize to the kid he beat up and have them talk it out.  End with hug.

Your partner tells you you’re lazy. How do you respond?
a) Takes on to know one, asshole.
b) How am I lazy?
c) You never see all the things I do for you.

Who will most likely grow up to be batshit crazy?
a. Asian kid who gets bitch slapped for getting a “B” because “B” is for Bitch.
b. Black kid molested by his football coach
c. Middle-class White kid who gets to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

Your daughter loves gymnastics and is about to enter her first meet. She’s confident about winning and even thought about the perfect place to hang her blue ribbon. While she did well, she didn’t medal, and was devastated. What do you, as a parent, tell her?
a) Tell her you thought she was the best
b) Tell her she has the ability and will surely win next time.
c) Tell her she doesn’t deserve to win because she didn’t work hard enough.

What should Mother say to get her son to eat something he doesn’t want?
a. Drink that kale smoothie or I’ll kick your ass.
b. Drink that kale smoothie if  you want to grow a nine inch cock and find a girlfriend who’ll ride it.
c. Baby, drink that kale smoothie, it’s good for you, do it for mommy, ok?

Someone mugs you.  Whose fault is it that you got mugged?  
a) My fault
b) Society’s
c) Mugger’s