How to Stop Emotional Eating

You can’t.  You can’t change someone’s tolerance for stress or their attitude toward emotions they’re uncomfortable with (typically anger, fear, and hate). Telling an emotional eater how to stop emotional eating is like telling a fat person what needs to be done to lose weight — they already know what needs to be done. That’s why anti-obesity education programs are stupid and ineffective and in some cases, exacerbate the problem (like that stupid food pyramid guideline that told everyone to carb out). People don’t need to be told how many steps they ought to take per day and what they need to eat to reach their body shape goal.  The entire weight-loss industry (not to be confused with fitness industry) is a scam.

How to Control Emotional Eating

One can, however, control emotional eating so that the problem doesn’t get worse.

Acting to control, rather than to stop emotional eating, should already feel liberating.  It’s like the difference between a trainer asking an out-of-shape client to run an entire mile at any pace instead of a four minute mile.  It’s nearly impossible to re-train someone to stop their psychobiological reactions and failure will only discourage continued effort. But minor behavioral changes are possible, especially if they have nothing to do with food.

Below are a few habits that make emotional eating worse.

Reading and Posting Motivational Quotes
Those who post them are doing so precisely because they lack motivation and are hoping to gain that motivation by posting cliches about it. Those who are motivated don’t waste time reading about how to be motivated.  They’re busy doing what needs to be done to reach their goals.

Motivational quotes state the obvious, there’s nothing profound about “Gratitude is the best medicine”or “Everything we ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” Which means posting motivational quotes is at best virtue signaling and at worst, will make you feel terrible about yourself for lacking motivation once the nice feeling you get from virtue signaling wears off.  So stop reading and posting them.  They’re not inspirational, they’re self-defeating because they trick you into feeling like you’re making progress when you’re not.


The person who posted this on Facebook ended up binging on ice cream and Netflix.

Dieting and Reading Diet Books
Emotional eaters are obsessed with food.  So are dieters.  Telling an emotional eater to go on a diet is like telling a sex addict to watch porn to get rid of the addiction. The goal is to stop obsessing about food, and avoiding food requires as much obsession for food as does craving food all the time.

In most diet books, the subtext is: it’s not your fault, you weren’t educated but now you are.  Bullshit. People know what they should and shouldn’t be eating and doing.  Feigning ignorance is a self-defense mechanism created by an education industry that teaches people to not trust their instincts, to become clueless, needy nitwits really. So stop dieting and reading diet books that turn people into helpless twits if you want to control emotional eating.

This diet book was written for Americans who prefer to blame American food instead of themselves for getting fat. This book is stupid.

Anglo cultures (eg. UK, Canada) love sarcasm.  It’s everywhere and most are proud to be sarcastic.  Here’s the dictionary definition of sarcasm:

the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

Here’s the Wiki definition:

a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt

Here’s the Greek etymology of sarcasm:

Greek sarkasmos “sarcasm,” from sarkazein “to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer,”

Which means most Americans, without realizing it, are bitter people who prefer to express contempt in a joking manner so as to not take ownership for feeling and expressing it.  And people wonder why middle-class America is the most medicated demographic in the world.  When people dress feelings they’re uncomfortable with — hate and anger — as “harmless, sassy wit,” they become emotionally corrupt. One can’t be nice AND sarcastic, just as one can’t be a nice rapist.  Pick one or the other, one can’t have it both ways.  Trying to have it both ways is how batshit crazy begins.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling contempt and taunting another person. Even Jesus felt contempt toward the Pharisees and had sharp words for them.  It’s the dishonesty about one’s intentions and sense of self that’s toxic.  If you’re going to be mean, be unabashedly mean and take responsibility for it instead of dressing it up as a joke.

“My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.” Which he is. But at least he’s not emotionally corrupt and batshit crazy.

And just how mean does one need to be?  Usually, not mean enough to warrant using sarcasm to express what’s bothering you, the razor blades sarcasm brings to most fights is gratuitous and excessive.  Check out this opening line from an Emily Warren music video:

Good news Riley, looks like you’re going to be working the entire weekend

That’s a typical sarcastic remark Americans make. How is that funny?  It isn’t funny to Riley, who was looking forward to having the weekend off. Maybe it’s funny to those who really really hate Riley and wish the worst for her? Is the speaker marveling at his own so-called wit, at Riley’s expense?  Wouldn’t it be kinder if he’d said this instead:

Riley, I’m sorry.  I know you were looking forward to taking this weekend off, but we really need you to work this weekend. I’ll make it up to you.

Point is, a lot of people make sarcastic remarks when it’s inappropriate to do so.  This creates negativity that’s somehow packaged as funny to those who delight in other people’s follies and misfortunes.

If the intention is to be bitter and mean, then fine, continue with the sarcasm.  But don’t tell everyone how nice you are because that’s about as honest as American foreign policy.

Save the sarcasm for when you’re really really pissed, like ready to choke that person out pissed.  Here’s how Jesus used sarcasm to taunt a mob that wanted to stone him:

They picked up stones again to stone Him. Jesus answered them, “I showed you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you stoning Me?” – John 10:31–32

Ouch. Here’s another example of sarcasm used appropriately, someone asked Moses if he was fucking up after he led his wandering Jews out of Egypt:

Was there a lack of graves in Egypt, that you took us away to die in the wilderness?” Exodus 14:11

Another example from Hamlet Act 1, Scene 2, in which Hamlet gets pissed about his mom marrying his uncle way too soon after his father has died:

“Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral bak’d meats did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.”

In the above three examples, sarcasm is used only in dire situations and its purpose isn’t to joke around, it’s to elucidate what’s really happening. To use sarcasm to joke about everyday situations is to use it inappropriately, with disastrous consequences.

Vanity of Vanities

Other seemingly benign habits we could add to the list include sentimentality, politeness grandstanding, euphemistic language, gratuitous compliments, and so forth.  The point is, emotional problems and cravings aren’t triggered by external events.  We trigger them ourselves, often without realizing it, because we’ve fooled ourselves into believing that our sins are harmless, good habits even. That’s our vanity at work, the deadliest of the seven deadly sins because it’s the source of all other sins precisely because it makes us blind to all our sins.

The bogeyman isn’t some public figure one disagrees with or some criminal we read about in the news.   The bogeyman is within every one of us — we create our own emotional turmoil — and our worst sins are the ones we hide from ourselves and others, repackaged as benevolence.


Redneck Food is Healthier Than Stupid Middle-Class American Food.

Redneck cuisine is better for the environment too.  I’ll prove it.

Take roadkill cuisine, which according to Wiki is “considered unglamorous and mocked in pop culture, where it is often associated with stereotypes of rednecks and uncouth persons.”  Below are some of the advantages of roadkill meat:

  • low cost
  • organic meat that’s naturally high in vitamins and proteins with lean meat and little saturated fat
  • organic meat that’s free of antibiotics and other drugs
  • organic meat that doesn’t come from animals who lived in filthy overcrowded cages and pens

Meaning those deplorable roadkill scavengers are eating food that’s healthier and more environmentally friendly than the over-priced, over-modified, over-hyped and environmentally destructive bullshit people buy at Whole Foods. More examples of how Redneck food is superior later.  Let’s first take a look at what middle-class America thinks everyone should eat.

Why Middle Class America eats “BAD” food

Because the American middle-class doesn’t define itself in terms of economic clout and technological sophistication.  This demographic instead defines itself *against* another group, usually Rednecks (and occasionally the One Percent). And that’s precisely why the American middle-class — the most medicated demographic in the world — can’t think straight as consumers and make ridiculous demands to indulge their delusions about themselves. In this batshit crazy world, decisions are based less on practical considerations and more on identity politics. That’s why middle-class Americans have a habit of wanting to eat “BAD” food, as Paul Fussell puts it:

…in fruits and vegetables, “pretty” has overtaken actual, honest, and safe in the Basic American Diet.  What he’s getting at is the scandal of cosmeticizing produce to make it attractive to the ignorant — coloring oranges orange, for instance, or breeding apples and cherries and strawberries so impressively large that they’re quite tasteless. Now, in violation of all natural laws, apples are spotchless, wormless, and lustrously red or green.  Grapefruits are perfectly round, as firm as baseballs and as yellow as forsythia, and these phony appearances — BAD in a nutshell — are produced by an infinite number of exotic and untested constituents, residing in the chemicals used to bring on these freaks of visual vegetable perfection.


Middle America isn’t satisfied with botoxing and medicating just themselves, they have to botox and medicate their fruits and vegetables too because pompous people need pompous things, including pompous inbred food that look like this.


Middle-class Americans like their produce the way they like their people – everything should look the same.


instead of fruit and vegetables that may look like this:

and is superior in taste and nutrition to their uniformly “pretty” counterparts.  American middle class buy with their eyes instead of their minds, as if shopping for a street whore.

If this bizarre consumer demand for cosmetic uniformity of produce is a reflection of Middle-Class America’s intolerance for diversity of thought and personality, then what might the absence of fish and fowl heads on their dinner tables suggest about their psychological state?  Fussell again:

This manifestation of BAD does accord with American disinclination to accept unpleasant facts, like the cruel fact that oranges are really greenish-yellow and often ovoid, and the wormless apple is really an anomaly that, without dye and polish, will look pretty shabby.

There’s no demographic in history that’s this uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. And not just uncomfortable with racy and racist jokes and reminders that what they’re eating was once alive, these kooky conformists expect eating to be as easy as sucking on mommy’s tits back when they were babies. That’s why we have chicken nuggets, because they’re boneless and already cut up. That’s why there are no fish bones, ever.  The American middle-class eat like three year olds, which would be fine if they’d shut up and stop projecting their mommy and daddy issues onto those who just want to be left alone.


How fish is served in most parts of the world: head and fins on, bones inside. Fish bones, brains, cartilage and fat are nutritious, containing extra-high levels of vitamin A, omega-3 fatty acids, iron, zinc and calcium.


Travel around the world and you’ll see that people aren’t this squeamish and pampered when it comes to eating (except among the middle class in Anglo nations such as Canada and UK). This isn’t normal, it’s not healthy or tasty to eat this way (bones enhance flavor and provide essential nutrients) and it’s wasteful to discard edible food.

Roast duck is sold with head on at Chinese butcheries.


How Rednecks roast an entire pig, head and hoofs still on. Recycling old bicycle because Rednecks are innovative and care about the environment.


Examples of “BAD” food

The merely bad, Fussell points out, is “something like dog-do on the sidewalk, or a failing grade.” “BAD” taste, on the other hand, is anything “phony, clumsy, witless, untalented, vacant, or boring that many Americans can be persuaded is genuine, graceful, bright, or fascinating.” Here are more examples from past and present of BAD food middling America has and does enjoy because they think it’s healthier and/or tastier and/or more ethical when it’s not:

  • Skinless chicken breast (pay more for less!)
  • Extra lean ground beef (pay more for less!)
  • Kobe beef burgers (asshole burger, pay more for fat that will be cooked off)
  • Margarine (Frankenbutter)
  • White bread (Frankenbread)
  • Acai bowls (want to buy one so I can throw it at someone)
  • Fortune cookies (over a billion Chinese have asked: “who comes up with this shit?”)
  • Processed cheese (Frankencheese)

You can be sure that once middle-class America figures out that what they’re eating is actually BAD — like with margarine and white bread — cultural amnesia will set in and they’ll accuse Rednecks of perpetrating BAD culture.

Author is a Redneck Dyke. She says that middle-class Americans, not Rednecks, were the homophobes. Now that it’s not fashionable to be homophobic, middle-class America blames Rednecks for perpetrating homophobia when all they want is to not be told what to say and think.

Examples of Redneck food that’s good for you

  • Pig’s trotters (collagen good for skin and joint health)
  • Oxtail soup (best bone cut for broth that promotes joint health. Now upscale food)
  • Livermush (pig’s head and liver molded into pate, a variation of which I recently had at a high end restaurant)
  • Chitterlings (pig intestine contains lots of selenium which reduces risk of heart disease and asthma)
  • Squirrel (we’re overrun with gray squirrels.  Tastes sweet and nutty).

After bobbing for pig’s feet competition, this Redneck shows us how he eats his pig feet. Which is similar to how a Mexican eats pig feet.

Aside from the squirrel, the above is what people from most parts of the world eat. If what one eats is a reflection of one’s values and character, who do you think is more tolerant and open minded and responsible, the Redneck or the middle class American?  Who demands total conformity of manners and taste? Who lacks conviction and lives according to the latest fashion and fads? Who lives in an over-sanitized world maintained by intolerance and fear?  Who is the ignorant, uncouth fucktard now?





Frequently Asked Questions #19

Public Policy and Health

What can we do to improve nutrition and health?  
Replace welfare with Universal Basic Income (UBI).

What’s Universal Basic Income? 
In 2020 presidential candidate Andrew Yang’s version of UBI — his main platform issue — every US citizen between ages 18-64 would receive $1000/month, no strings attached. To learn more about how Yang wants to pay for his program, click here.

What’s the difference between Universal Basic Income and welfare programs?   
UBI isn’t the same as welfare. UBI (my version) would replace welfare. Recipients of UBI can do whatever they want with the money and they don’t lose that income if they pursue another source of income. Welfare, on the other hand, disincentivises its recipients from working because they lose welfare income when they do. And a welfare program like food stamps *tells* its recipients how much they should spend on groceries (even though nutritional needs vary person to person), thereby humiliating *and* infantalizing them.  Welfare tells recipients that they’re poor because they’re stupid.  UBI tells everyone that it’s up to you to figure out how to best spend your money.  Welfare is psychologically crippling. UBI gives people an opportunity to act as responsible adults and encourages recipients to be innovative, to figure out how to get the most out of their money.

So why would UBI improve nutrition and health?
In a developed society, poor health and nutrition happens to those who are psychologically and philosophically “out of tune.”  It has nothing to do with lack of financial resources. Providing basic financial security AND removing the stigma of being on welfare will begin the emotional healing necessary to improve health.

Will UBI give the poor the opportunity to choose healthier options, as Yang thinks will happen?
No, people will continue to eat what they want to eat.  A healthy diet costs less than an unhealthy one.  Unless you’re in Flint Michigan, tap water is cheaper than soda and an apple costs less than a candybar. Again, it’s the emotional renewal that will spur changes in diet and activity.

I’ll give examples in another blog post on Universal Basic Income and its affect on health and diet. I’ll also discuss why Yang thinks that UBI will improve people’s diet.

What other benefits do you foresee?
Social, especially racial relations will improve.  The “Welfare Queen,” for instance, is racialized as a Black woman with lots of kids.  Can’t call anyone a “freeloader” when everyone is getting the same allowance. Resentment from perceived unfairness, not ignorance, is what triggers racial hostility.


Do I get charged the Idiot Tax if I didn’t read the How to Order sign? 
Does the state trooper care that you didn’t see the speed limit sign?

Is it true that the owner has been in jail in 6 countries?
That’s an exaggeration.

Will juice bars survive the Artificial Intelligence Economy?
A few will, just as a few bookstores continue to do well.

What do you think of meal prep delivery services like Blue Apron?  
Not one will survive.  Too expensive and they don’t add value — you still have to cook and clean.

But don’t they teach you how to cook?
They don’t.  Following instructions isn’t learning how to cook, it’s learning how to follow instructions.  You learn to cook by honing and following your instincts so that all your senses are alert.  And you can get better cooking lessons on youtube.

Why don’t you sell acai bowls?
Because they’re stupid.  It’s the same thing as a smoothie except some ingredients aren’t blended, it takes more time to make, and there are no veggies.  It’s a less convenient and more expensive version of a smoothie.

Does the owner think that racism doesn’t exist?
Of course racism exists.  So what?  It only has power over you when you when it becomes an excuse for failure.


Pretty but stupid and overpriced and you have to finish it before it becomes a runny mess.


How to Hack Open a Coconut


It’s not hard, an 11 year old can do it using a badass butcher knife.  Watch…


You can pick up a butcher knife from most Asian grocery stores.  Young coconuts are best purchased at Asian grocery stores (cheaper and fresher).

We also offer cooking lessons if you prefer to learn that way.


How to Talk To Customers (from employee training manual)

Talk to them as a courtesan would to her benefactor.  Or you could talk to them as some street skank whore does to her john; or as some $300/hour escort to her client.  Think about the differences between the three:

Whore: fucks a lot of guys each day to get her drugs.

Escort: fucks a few guys and listens to them complain about stupid shit a few times a week to pay for living expenses and a few luxuries.

Courtesan:   fucks a few guys per year she advises on marital, political and business matters.

Which do you want to be?  You want your customers to be benefactors, clients, or johns?  You want to live in a world where there’s a good chance someone’s going to knock your rotting teeth out or where you don’t have to worry about being murdered on the job?  Do you want to live a life where your opinion matters?  So you better start practicing now because the courtesans have been working on their game ever since they could talk and walk.

What’s the only difference between a street whore and an escort?  The former has a drug habit for way too long.  What’s the difference between an escort and a courtesan? The former is a narcissist.  Notice I haven’t mentioned anything about looks because as long as the body’s bangin’, that’s mostly irrelevant.

Know Your Customer
What do most people like to talk about the most?  Pick:

a) Ideas
b) Other people
c) Themselves

Correct answer is C.  Narcissism is our Original Sin and your job is to figure out how to curb your own narcissistic urges so you can turn the customer into your benefactor (what most want to be) instead of a john (what most are).  Put simply, your job is to seduce those we want as customers and to repel the shitheads.


a) Treat others as you want to be treated
b) Treat others as they treat you
c) Treat others as they want to be treated

Those who pick A are intolerant narcissists because they project their wants and needs onto other people, they don’t realize that other people have different preferences and perspectives from their own.  Those who pick A can only have friends who are copies of themselves because any deviance from their narrow worldview offends their sense of self and righteousness.  Repel these people, they’re dangerous.  They color themselves with righteous sounding identities such as “social justice warrior” and “human rights activist” to hide the fact that they’re totalitarians and liars.

If you picked B, then you’ve picked up on psychological mirroring, which is how you achieve “greater connection and understanding with the individual who is being mirrored” (Wiki entry of Mirroring). Mirroring requires empathy, which is not the same as sympathy (ie. narcissists being nice), and empathy involves seeing something from  different perspectives.  Those who pick B are also good at protecting themselves from being used because they give off vibe that they will retaliate in kind to protect themselves.

Those who pick C are capable of empathy, but incapable of protecting themselves.

How to Talk to Customers
Now that you know who the shitheads are — they often refuse to follow Ordering Guidelines because they wrongly assume employees are as easily stressed out as they are (narcissistic projection) — you can focus on providing the best service possible to our customers without violating your integrity.  All prostitutes have boundaries.

Ask Them Questions
Two to three is best, any more and some get annoyed. When you ask someone a question about themselves, you make that person feel less lonely.  Most are very lonely because most people prefer to talk about themselves than ask questions, which means few are listening.  (Hermits, ironically, are the least lonely because they haven’t lost the ability — a rich inner world — to keep themselves company).  A customer you make feel less lonely becomes your benefactor.  It’s not hard to pull off.  Here’s an example of an uncivilized conversation:

You: Whom did you vote for?
Customer: Trump
You: You’re an ignorant racist!
Customer: Hey fuck you.

Never rush to judgment and conclusion, you’ll never learn and grow if you do that.  Here’s how to have the same conversation the civilized way.

You: Whom did you vote for?
Customer: Trump
You: Why did you vote for him?
Customer: I like that he wants to get the US out of foreign engagements we have no business being in and I like that he promises to protect US steel industry because that’s a matter of national security.  We need to have a robust steel industry in case we go to war…
You: Interesting, I never thought of it that way, thanks for the insight.  Do you think Trump is a racist?
Customer: Not anymore than any of the other candidates.  He’s just more uncensored and I care more about results than insults.

Always ask at least 2 follow up questions.  (Again, too many and you’ll annoy some people so watch for that). The more questions you ask, the closer you’ll get to the truth.  Another uncouth conversation:

You: How are you?
Customer: I’m fine.  How are you?
You: Omigod, my math professor is such a stupid jerk off.  Can you believe he doesn’t give partial credit?  Who does that?  I mean, I’m really good at Math, I got straight As in it in high school and now I have a C.  How is that possible?  Don’t you think there’s something wrong with him?

That’s how skanks talk — mostly about themselves and their own stupid problems.  Few people care about your problems. Some will pretend to care. An escort, for instance, talks to show solidarity with her customer.  Example:

Customer: my son is having a lot of problems at school.
You: I’m sorry.  Boys are really tough to deal with at that age.  He’ll grow out of it, I’m sure.

A courtesan, on the other hand, talks to solve other people’s problems. Example:

Customer: my son is having a lot of problems at school.
You: What sort of problems?
Customer: drugs, not doing his schoolwork.  He’s close to flunking out.
You: Why is he doing those things?
Customer: Not sure.  He could be bored, he doesn’t learn the way they want him to learn.
You: Would you consider a boarding school that’s better suited for his learning style?
Customer: Maybe.  Tell me more…

This conversation gives customer an opportunity to get beyond ranting, to think about solutions to his problem.  The courtesan’s value is in her usefulness, not her sex.

Avoid Banalities and Cliches
Make yourself stand out.  If everyone else is asking: “Hi, how are you?” then find another question to ask.  “Where are you going?,” for instance.  Example:

You: Where are you going after this?
Customer: Checking out a wedding venue.
You: You getting married?
Customer: Yes!
You: Do you have a caterer?
Customer: No, why do you ask?
You: We’ve catered weddings.  Can we put a bid in?
Customer: Absolutely!

Asking people *what* they’re doing will generate more business and social opportunities.  Another example:

You: What do you do for work?
Customer: I’m a structural engineer.
You: Hey, I’m majoring in Physics to become a structural engineer.  Do you have internships?
Customer: We do. Have a resume ready by Friday and I’ll stop in to look at it.
You: Awesome, will do.  Thanks!

See why some people have all the luck?  These people live a different routine from those who have no luck or bad luck.  You’re responsible for your own karma.

Don’t Lie to Customer
There are few instances where lying is justified.  We’re not going to get into those because most people in America are compulsive liars. It’s a polite nation.

Say “I don’t know.”
That’s what intelligent people say when they don’t know something.  Only broken, insecure people with inflated self-esteem make random guesses.  These people are more concerned with how they look than the truth and they end up looking good only to those who can’t help them move ahead.

It’s ok to guess as long as you let the customer know that you’re making an educated guess.

Never Say What You Don’t Mean
Even when a customer says hi to you with an insincere and trite greeting — “How are you?” — don’t just play along to be polite — “I’m fine, thank you.  How are you?” — if that’s not how you feel.  Compulsive lying begins with seemingly benign little lies.  Batshit crazy also begins with thinking that everything needs to be A-ok all the fucking time and with suppressing your emotions.  Engaging in scripted politeness will also train you to NOT listen when people talk.  Don’t let these savages destroy your life.  Alternative responses to the vapid “How are you?” question:

“Dunno, haven’t thought about it.”  (This one elicits the most laughs)
“Why do you ask?”
Ignore the question. (What I usually do)

Or answer honestly.  It could be “I’m fine.”  Could also be:

“I’m angry.  I want to beat the shit out of someone.”
“I’m really confused because my boyfriend told me something last night that came out of nowhere yada yada yada….”

Don’t let customers violate your integrity.  Don’t lie about stupid shit because if you do, you’ll soon start lying about all sorts of shit out of habit.

Be Precise and Say Less
The more you say, the less people will understand and trust you.  Say only what needs to be said.  Say what you have to say in as few words as possible to minimize misunderstanding and sounding like a rambling idiot. Example:

Customer: What do you do with the juice fiber?
Bad Answer: Well, we generally just throw out most of it.  Some of it though we’ll use to make the raw carrot cake desert.  We’ll also use it in the avocado salad.
Good Answer: (pointing to fridge) Carrot cake and avocado salads.

The good answer will result in more customers exploring other products.  Bad answer will confuse most customers.  Keep it simple.  Less is more, less is more.

Control Customer Perception and Expectations
Customer perception and expectations are as important as the products themselves.  It’s similar to psychological framing:

The framing effect is an example of cognitive bias, in which people react to a particular choice in different ways depending on how it is presented…

Much of the perception and expectations are framed by the decor, prices, and online marketing (yelp reviews, Facebook updates).  You frame it by how you describe our products.

Never use superlatives — “tastes incredible” — to describe our products.  Taste is subjective so that’s for the customer to decide.  Just describe the flavor and texture profile of a product.  Reference familiar flavors and textures if that helps.  Examples:

Bad: “The Supermodel tastes great and will make you look like a Supermodel, guaranteed!”
Good: Probably won’t make you a Supermodel. But you’ll feel like one: mildly hungry, bitchy, and jaded.  You’ll understand why Naomi Campbell throws phones at people.”  (description on menu).

Those who order the Supermodel often comment on how it’s a lot more filling than they expected.

Play the slow game.  Be modest, never boastful.  It’ll make our products taste better. The sales will come.

Be Dignified
If a customer treats you poorly, it’s your fault not the customer’s. Only undignified people blame others when treated poorly. The dignified blame themselves and take steps to ensure it never happens again.

This is difficult to pull off because most American schools and much of American society train people to play victim.  Society even celebrates victims, as Nietzsche predicted it would (slave morality). Avoid the temptation to play victim, it’ll dis-empower you.  Be noble, not pathetic.  From our application question, pick what you think most people pick:

Someone mugs you.  Whose fault is it that you were mugged?
a) Mugger’s fault
b) Your fault
c) Society’s fault

Leftist Lemmings pick C. Kookie Conservatives pick A.  Noble people pick B.  The moment you think like a victim is the moment you lose control of your destiny and become a victim.  The predators can smell a prey who deserves to be eaten.

Be Commanding
If you can tell that a customer doesn’t like something, *command* them to return it and fix it to their liking.  Don’t ask them if they want you to fix it because they would’ve asked you to do so already if they’re well adjusted adults. No, you’re dealing with cowards who prefer childish lies: “no, it’s fine” (usually the problem is that it’s too green tasting) when it’s not because they think it’s rude to say otherwise.  So you have to *command* them to do what’s best for them, treat them like the children they are.  Say “bring it here, I’ll fix it.” And resist the urge to call that person a “passive-aggressive fucktard” as you fix the problem.


How to Go To School (without turning into a dumbass)

Since most of you are either too scared to drop out of school or you think I’m a crazy mofo for wanting to end mandatory education and to cut funding to ALL public education, here’s a guide on *How to Go to School* for you.  Read it if you want to get something positive out of all that mostly wasted time you spend in school.  Read it if you don’t want to come out of school as an unemployable idiot — the Artificial Intelligence Economy is waiting for you — who has to be retrained and reprogrammed by whoever hires you.

Proper Mindset

School, as is life, is a game.  Most schools are as interesting as a game of Candyland.  That’s why most students become bored with school.

With the proper mindset, you can, as Steve Jobs had, escape the boredom that will crush your curiosity and will to live.  A few principles to live by.

1. It’s YOUR job to teach and educate yourself, not the teacher’s job to teach and educate you. If you can’t learn something on your own, you won’t learn it at school.  (Repeat that until it’s burning in your head).

The reason why so many high school and college graduates are poorly educated and struggle with even arithmetic is because they thought they were done learning what was being taught when they passed the class and graduated from school.  Wrong.  You don’t become a concert pianist merely by taking a one hour lesson once a week, you become one by practicing practicing and practicing on your own for five hours a day EVERYDAY to learn the material assigned to you well enough so the teacher can critique what you learned — mostly on your own — to play.
Another way to think of it: let’s play a game where we drop you in the middle of a 10,000 acre forest and you have to find your way out by sunset.  In scenario A, all you’re given is a compass.  In scenario B, you’re given a detailed map and a gps tracker that tells you easiest route to take and a gun just in case.  In scenario A, you don’t make it out until just before sunset.  In scenario B you make it out with 4 hours to spare.  Which scenario taught you more and was more fun and rewarding (and scary)?  Which scenario will prepare you for the real deal, when you have nothing but your wits to make it out alive?

Point is, most teachers tell you how to solve a problem rather than teach you to solve it yourself because that’s the easy way and you complete the assignment faster — 4 hours to spare — even though you didn’t learn much. That’s why so many people don’t know what to do when they encounter an unusual circumstance.  When you’ve been trained to follow procedures to solve problems instead of coming up with your own procedures to solve them, you’ll become bored with school and work and unable to solve novel problems that pop up *all the time* because shit happens *all the time.*  Innovation and understanding is possible only when you figure it out on your own, not when you follow someone’s directions.

Consider how polyglots become fluent in so many languages.  They don’t have super duper brains built for language learning or the time and money to take language classes.  They do, however, have a different approach to learning than most people, as explained in video below.

One is that polyglots don’t rely on school and teachers to teach them a new language because it psychologically handicaps them — “they expect to be spoon-fed…are waiting to be taught.” The spoon-fed method isn’t going to work because “languages can’t be taught, they can only be learned,” says polyglot Luca Lampariello.  Not relying on teachers to learn also allows polyglots to do another thing differently — they create their own textbooks and teaching methods that best suit their needs and learning styles. I mean, imagine you had to jerk off ONLY to someone else’s fantasies and porn preferences even though you have no sexual preferences in common with that person. Jerking off is not so fun when you’re forced to watch Uncle Shirley get rimmed by Hulk Hogan when what you really want to see is Miss Venezuela play with her pussy, right?  Learning *anything* is the same way, it’s YOUR vision and imagination that’ll make something fun and easy to learn. So stop with the lame excuses — “teacher sucked!” — when you get that low AP score. It’s your fault you’re mentally crippled, not anyone else’s.

2. The point of learning something is to help you solve problems, yours and those of others. (Solving problems is also the point of meaningful work. One can’t love work when it’s for a paycheck).

We have an employee headed to UW.  He was a good high school student — 1490 SATs, 5 on BC Calc exam — and wants to major in Computer Science. On paper he looks like good candidate to be accepted into the program. I asked him what aps he’s made.  None, except for a couple of silly ones he was told to make in his high school Comp Sci class.  So I told him that his computer science peers have been making aps since they were in middle-school.  And the reason for that is they see coding as one of many tools available to solve problems, whereas this employee sees coding as a means to a financially secure and stable life.  Meaning his chances of getting into the program are low unless he changes his mindset — his approach to life — soon.

See how some become Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos, while others spend their work lives debugging monotonous lines of code? If you don’t see what you’re learning as a tool to solve problems, you’re not going to learn it.  That’s why most students forget what they learn in school.  They don’t see the point because they never ask what the point is, precisely because most schools beat beat bash beat the curiosity and independence out of them.

3. Call yourself a “stupid, lazy, cunt” every morning. And pretend to drop kick anyone who tells you you’re “smart” or good at something. That’s how those inscrutable Asians rise to the top of the class.

Here’s how those sneaky Asians do it, if you need an example.

Asians treat their kids this way because they know that complacency and self-satisfaction is right around the corner. One wrong turn and it’s over and it’s usually the inflated ego (aka self-esteem) that pulls you in the wrong direction. Proof: while first and second generation Asian Americans score higher than White counterparts, third generation Asian Americans score on par with White counterparts.  What do you think happened? Pick:

a) Third generation Asian-Ams stopped taking brain boosting Oriental herbal medicine
b) Third generation Asians-Ams eat too much pizza instead of bok choy
c) Third generation Asians-Ams assimilated and copied middle-class American parenting

Answer is “C.”

More evidence, this one from NIH study on teenage self-esteem.

Large-scale representative surveys of 8th-, 10th-, and 12th-grade students in the United States show high self-esteem scores for all groups. African-American students score highest, Whites score slightly higher than Hispanics, and Asian Americans score lowest.

African Americans have the highest self-esteem, despite performing the worst academically.  Let that sink in. Asian Americans have the lowest self-esteem, despite performing the best academically.   That’s right, those slant eyed motherfuckers have the lowest self-esteem, despite performing the best academically.  Correlation? Hey Black readers, maybe you should convince African Americans to emulate Asians instead of dancing the way White liberals tell you to dance. #Walkaway

If you’re a closet racist — like Harvard’s champagne socialist admissions committee — and still think Asians lack traits such as “courage and kindness,” (and of course, creativity) — as Harvard’s admissions committee does, it was recently revealed — and thus don’t want to emulate them, then listen to Bill Gates.

Bill Gates said:

Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.

Or how about the White psychologists who found the Dunning-Kruger effect?  Definition from Wiki:

 In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people of low ability have illusory superiority and mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. The cognitive bias of illusory superiority comes from the inability of low-ability people to recognize their lack of ability; without the self-awareness of metacognition, low-ability people cannot objectively evaluate their actual competence or incompetence.[1] On the other hand, people of high ability incorrectly assume that tasks that are easy for them are also easy for other people.[2]

Or how about Socrates, the father of Western philosophy?  He said:

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.

Or you can follow the advice of a bunch of nitwits and live in a miserable world nobody wants to live in.

He taught for 30 years and quit because he was tired of being asked to abuse his students.

What Makes a Good School?

  • Good schools teach grit and curiosity. Students at such schools are taught to struggle with and solve difficult problems on their own and with others, and to ask questions without fear of reprisal. (See Harkness Table Method used at many of the top schools).
  • Good schools make competitive sports a required part of the curriculum. Sports teaches grit and how to handle emergencies, makes the body more graceful, and trains students to hone and trust their instincts.
  • Good schools require participation in performance arts, especially theater arts. Theater prepares student to be comfortable in front of large audience, cultivates the memory, and teaches students to be more aware of how the intonation of their speech and the grace of their gestures affects people.
  • Good schools set higher and higher expectations and expect students to achieve them.
  • Good schools teach students that only they can educate themselves.

What Makes a Bad School?

  • Bad schools are concerned about the emotional health of students, which ironically makes them emotionally frail and crazy.
  • Bad schools tell students how to solve problems instead of letting them solve them on their own.
  • Bad schools reward knowledge instead of curiosity and train students to not trust their instincts.
  • Bad schools allow students to make excuses when they don’t meet standards and encourage students to lower their standards (take easier classes) to get better grades.
  • Bad schools teach students that they need school to educate themselves.

There are over 35,000 secondary schools in the US. I estimate there are 200 good ones, and a total of 500 worth attending (half of them are public schools like Stuyvesant and most private schools are garbage). Chances are, you attend one of the bad schools.  That’s ok, you don’t have to go to Lakeside to become Bill Gates.  You can attend a bad school and still become Steve Jobs as he did as long as you’re mentally prepared to dodge the stupid thinking they try to get you to internalize. Or you can let yourself become mentally crippled, needy, and docile, like caged rats in a psychology experiment.  Choose.

Frequently Asked Questions XVIII


Was Anthony Bourdain murdered?
Don’t know.

Why would anyone want to kill him?
He’s pissed off a lot of people.

Did he commit suicide after finding out that his girlfriend cheated on him? 
She says they had an open relationship.  Not sure he thought the same.

Did Bourdain influence you?
Yes.  Especially his second book, “Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of food.”  Used it as a guide to running a restaurant. It showed me how to treat customers and employees.

Do you deliver?
DoorDash delivers for us.

Is there a fee?
Yes, we charge 10 percent on every order and DoorDash charges another fee that we have no control over.

Why is there a mannequin in the bathroom?  
To stare at your penis if you have one.

Why doesn’t the owner respond when I greet him with “Hi, how are you”?
He doesn’t respond to insincere questions or questions that mean something other than what’s asked.

Why does he have to be such a dick.  I’m just trying to be polite and friendly. 
Insincerity and fraudulent living begins with seemingly harmless fraudulent exchanges that pressure people to believe that they have to be happy all the time in order to be normal.

What should I say instead?
“Hello” or “Good Morning” are a few examples. Less is more, less is more…

How about, “Hey, Asshole?”
That works.  As long as it’s sincere.

Dance Studio
There are boxing lessons?
Yes, ask owner and he’ll connect you with instructor.

Why should I take boxing lessons?
Improve mental toughness and your sense of rhythm.

Do I have to be buff or in great shape to take it?
No.  You won’t get hurt, promise. It’ll be fitness heavy if you’re not in good shape.  You won’t get to hit anything or get hit until you’re ready.

Clothing Store
What’s going on with clothing store?
It’s being converted into a book-centric thrift store.  So there’ll still be clothes and maybe other knick knacks.

Cool, what sort of books?
Books that respectable middle-class people are afraid to keep in their homes (so they sneak read elsewhere).  From Milo Yiannapolous to Anais Nin to Georges Bataille to a Traci Lords biography (we have it).

Can I sell books?
Yes, we’ll take most books in exchange for $1 juice bar credit per book.  Certain books we’ll pay more for.

What type of books?
Any genre, we won’t judge.  How we categorize the books will surprise you.


Eight Years Old

We’re eight years old!  Thanks to those who’ve helped us make it this far. We’re grateful for your humor and patience. We’re often not easy to deal with!

View More:

(Left to Right): Moe, Sally, and Muffin say “Thanks for putting up with us.  Especially when Muffin unexpectedly lands in your salad.”

Future Plans
We’ll continue to spread Redneck values that built this nation while lampooning the ridiculous and insipid middle-class manners and sensibilities that are making people fat and/or crazy.

We’ve successfully brought in the “Thug & Redneck” demographic.  Now we’re going after Generation Z customers, who are already, and more than any recent generation, questioning the sanity of the middle-class mindset.  Let them know that students get $1 off drinks. (Those smart enough to drop out of school get $500 gift card).

Juice Bar Location
We’ll likely move the juice bar to another location once the lease is up in 2020.  (24 Fitness will move to another location by then).  Possibilities:

  • Mountlake Terrace Town Center (Diamond Knot and Double D Meats)
  • Downtown Snohomish
  • Anacortes

We’d convert into a hybrid restaurant that’s a juice bar for breakfast and lunch and a (redneck) bistro in the evening.  We may even add a produce and specialty goods section, something similar to the defunct Mana Mills.

Dance Studio
If we move, we’re not taking the dance studio with us.  Unless we end up in Mountlake Terrace town center, then maybe we open another one.

Clothing store.
It’s on the verge of closing and being converted into another workout room to host Body Posing and Boxing classes that’s held in our dance studio. Final decision soon.

Prepared Meals
We’re trying to grow the prepared meals part of the business. We can hit the price point most customers expect, we just need help with account management and sales. Let us know if you’re interested in helping us grow this into a spin-off business.

Our prepared meals contain 5-6 oz of protein, 6 oz. of fiber dense starch, 12 oz. of veggies. Correct portions for most people.

There’s still a lot of work to do.  Let do it!  Agape.

Moe and Sally say “Hi!”


Why People Get Fat

For the same reason people get hooked on meds and/or heroin.  From an NIH study:

 And yet there is substantial experimental evidence that refined sugar can promote addictive behaviours by activating the brain’s rewards centres in much the same way as addictive drugs…These connections have led to questions of whether excessive consumption of refined sugar may affect vulnerability to opioid addiction.

So sugar could be a gate-way drug to heroin.  Kevin Cann on the similarities between sugar and heroin:

High sugar foods can cause similar reactions as what we see with heroin.  Excessive amounts of sugar (as well as fat) can lead to the release of increased amounts of dopamine.

Sugar works like an opiate.  Like heroin, it reduces emotional suffering (anxiety and/or depression), and makes physical pain tolerable.

Obesity Rate and Mental Illness
Obesity rate in the US has tripled since 1980.  Same with mental illness.  Not claiming there’s a link.  Just saying.

Emotional Eaters
Self-control isn’t the problem, there’s something else going on. The person who spends more time fantasizing about carbs than does a 17 year old boy about genitals is emotionally similar to the 20 year old who can’t get it up anymore when the real deal happens because of his porn addiction. You can’t truly enjoy food when you’re obsessed with it, just as you can’t enjoy sex when it’s all you think about.

Who are Emotional Eaters?
They’re comparable to those who get PTSD.  University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson on who gets PTSD:


Summary for those of you who don’t want to watch it:

  • The naive get PTSD because they’re not emotionally ready to face monsters, especially the monster within.
  • The naive aren’t virtuous.  They’re emotionally corrupt infantalized adults who want a life they don’t deserve and will never happen.
  • Monsters are everywhere.  When the circumstances are right, they appear.
  • Those who don’t get PTSD recognize the monster within and in others. They’ve spent their lives preparing to face monsters.
  • The ones who blame the Monsters for their trauma will never recover.
  • Become virtuous by recognizing the monster within — “become dangerous” — and taming it to serve the greater good.

Similarly, emotional eating is an infantile reaction to “Fear and Trembling” (Kierkegaard), the anxiety and depression that sets in when life doesn’t happen as expected.  Food addiction is just a socially more acceptable version of heroin addiction — both make pain tolerable and are premised on living life as a series of escapes from, instead of engagement with, the harsh realities of life.

How to Lose Weight

What do you tell a fat person to help her lose weight?
a) Exercise more self- control
b) Stop trying to be happy
c) Start eating at Alive Juice Bar

Correct answer is B.  Jordan Peterson on why trying to be happy *all the time* makes people fat and/or batshit crazy:

Summary: The addicted are those who believe that one’s “natural” state should be one of happiness. When you think you’re supposed to be happy most of the time, an idea reinforced by much of American society — consider the moronic “Hi, how are you…I’m fine, how are you?  I’m fine too, thank you…” babble that the emotionally corrupt exchange with each other everyday — you’ll do whatever it takes to make what you think is “normal” a reality.  This is the mindset behind our addictions.

That it’s bad for you to try to make happiness our default state of mind isn’t a new idea, Peterson’s advice is based on readings of Classical philosophy and theology.  From the Bible to Plato to Buddhism to Kierkegaard to Nietzsche, there isn’t one significant philosopher and religion that tells people that life is supposed to be mostly happy.  All the great philosophers, all the great religions remind us that life is supposed to be cruel, lonely, and filled with random acts of violence.

The NFL player who is elated after winning a championship isn’t happy 99 percent of the time he’s playing and training.  He’s in pain, more pain than most people will ever experience.  Neither is the Olympic gymnast who wins a gold medal. Or Taylor Swift.  Or Madonna. Or the Nobel Laureate. Or the marathon runner.  The good life is supposed to be mostly pain and frustration and suffering with a few moments of happiness and even fewer ones of euphoria.  Those who understand how life is supposed to be will make something out of it, while the rest become addicts.

An employee who was on depression meds was missing work 3-4 times a month because of migraines (a symptom of depression).  She stopped getting migraines after I told her that “we’re all playing in pain.” How we understand our pain and suffering, not the pain and suffering itself, is what matters.

If life is supposed to be varying degrees pain with fleeting moment of pleasure, what’s the point? Albert Camus asked this question and he answered with a reading of the Myth of Sisyphus, the dumbass (that’s us!) who pushed a rock up a mountain only to watch it roll back to the bottom time over and over.  Summary of his reading:

You can either watch other people’s rocks roll down or be pushing yours up and up, despite knowing that someday and often it too will roll down the hill.

In the end, we die. The rock wins, we lose.  Unless you believe in God’s grace.

How to Love Monsters
Not that hard.  Imagine you get the cutest puppy in the world.

Which one of the Monsters do you pick?

First week she pisses and shits on your new rug.  Second week she chews up your Bottega Venetta bag and Zanotti sandals. Third week she chews the passenger seat of your new car.  Fourth week she steals your steak dinner while you take a piss.  Fifth week she sneaks off and brings back a dead chicken, likely from a house three blocks away.  Hate your Monster yet?

Yet it’s possible to love her.  You house-train her.  You teach her to chew on her toys and not your fashion.  You build a yard that includes a six foot fence and chicken wire underground so she doesn’t sneak off to wreck havoc. You run with her and take her to dog parks so she unleashes her energy constructively. And you learn to never, ever leave your food unattended while she’s around.

Point is, you learn to love by working with human nature and not by trusting anyone 100 percent.  You don’t let your boyfriend go on vacation to Bangkok with his buddies because you know what they’re going to do there.  You don’t marry the stripper half your age without making her sign a prenup agreement.  You don’t let your husband drive your drunk sister home. You’re not surprised to find barely legal porn in your just deceased grandfather’s collection.  You just keep pushing the rock up and up and start over when you lose grip and it falls back to the bottom, which is going to happen a lot.  So don’t take it personally when your wife fucks your best friend, just as you shouldn’t kick your dog for eating your dinner.

How do you build a child’s immune system so she doesn’t become a sickly adult?


a) Protect her from germs and bacteria
b) Expose her to germs and bacteria
c) Educate her about germs and bacteria so she can make her own decisions

Correct answer is B.  How resilient an immune system a person has is determined by the range of germs and bacteria he’s exposed to in the first 5 years of life.  That’s why babies who grow up in homes with dogs and cats become healthier adults than counterparts without pets.  So how do you build a child’s tolerance for stress and trauma so she doesn’t end up an addict?

Final Thought

Philosopher Theodor Adorno, living in the US after fleeing Nazi Germany, called Walt Disney the most dangerous man in America.  Why would he say that?


Was Walt Disney as dangerous as Hitler?

Why We Don’t Carry Wheatgrass (don’t read if offended by racist material)


Discussion about why we don’t name any ingredient a “super” anything and really really offensive material about Oprah and White people farther down. First, let’s get this wheatgrass debate settled.

We don’t carry wheatgrass, despite demand for it.  Here’s why:

From random uncredentialed guy writing on Skeptico blog: Wheatgrass is for Cows
Summary: Wheatgrass is for cows, not humans, as humans are unable to digest it as cows do.

But why should we trust some random guy on random blogsite?

From Webmd: Wheatgrass Claims
ummary: Review of independent peer reviewed studies of wheatgrass show that there’s little or no evidence of its purported health benefits to those who drink it.

But that’s just another website, the article isn’t peer reviewed,  and we don’t know if author left out studies in his review.  So let’s go with a renown Naturopath who is also an MD.

From Dr. Andrew Weil, MD (from Harvard),  undergrad in Botany (from Harvard); founder of Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine. Currently Clinical Professor of Medicine, a Professor of Public Health, and the Lovell-Jones Professor of Integrative Rheumatology at University of Arizona School of Medicine: Wheatgrass Does Not Deliver
Summary: Wheatgrass is bullshit.  Key quotes:

On benefits of chlorophyll: chlorophyll, the green pigment that gives plants their color, has no nutritional role in the human body, a fact that hasn’t stopped promoters from making extravagant claims for it. Secondly, there’s no evidence to suggest that wheatgrass or chlorophyll are substitutes for 2.2 pounds of vegetables. If you search the medical literature for “wheatgrass,” you find very few entries and none at all suggesting that it has any health benefits for humans.

Nutritionally speaking, wheatgrass simply doesn’t deliver on the promoters’ promises. I certainly wouldn’t recommend substituting it for any of the fresh vegetables and fruits in your diet. Spend your money on good, organically produced food, not on wheatgrass or other sprouts or grasses marketed as “super-foods.”

From American Cancer Society, which has provided funding to 47 Nobel Lauretes: Review of Wheatgrass
ummary: No evidence AND beware of supplements general, as actual amount of ingredient consumer wants varies. Person who made wheatgrass a health fad was a quack and batshit crazy.

In 1982, the Massachusetts Attorney General sued Wigmore for claiming that her program could reduce or eliminate the need for insulin in diabetics. She later retracted her claims. In 1988, the Massachusetts Attorney General sued Wigmore again, this time for claiming that an “energy enzyme soup” she invented could cure AIDS. Wigmore was ordered to stop representing herself as a physician or person licensed to treat disease. Although Wigmore died in 1993, her Creative Health Institute is still active. Wheatgrass is readily available, and her diet is still in use.

So what is it about human nature that allows so many people — the highly intelligent included, even Steve Jobs gets duped — to buy snake-oils like wheatgrass, to believe in bullshit?

Human Nature
If there’s anything to be learned from Cultural Anthropology (and there’s not much), it’s that as social structure evolves — feudalism to capitalism, for instance — social codes and archetypes from one era reappear in another in a different form. Example: Aunt Jemima, year 1900.  She’s loved by White people because she takes good care of them.  Mammy, the “house nigger” archetype. Oprah Winfrey, year 2000.  Same shit, different form.  Look at her audience — mostly middle-class White women. Oprah is their Mammy, telling them which books to read, which diets to follow, which causes to get worked up about. Only difference is that Oprah makes coin because she lives in a more advanced (or different) stage of capitalism than did those who represented Aunt J in minstrel shows a century ago.

Not saying those who don’t like rap (code) necessarily hate Black people.  Not saying those with Free Tibet stickers (code) dislike Chinese people or Asians in general.  Just saying it’s human nature to classify and differentiate, to codify and regulate identities. Telling people it’s socially unacceptable to call a Chinaman (archetype) a Chinaman (code) doesn’t mean people will stop thinking of or treat the Chinaman as a Chinaman, or a Wetback a Wetback, a Dago Wop a Dago Wop.  They’ll just find a more socially acceptable way to express difference.

The codes and archetypes evolve to reflect the aims and needs of the political economy. Slavery (code) in the US didn’t end because enough people *finally* recognized such bondage as immoral. You really think white abolitionists (archetype) gave a shit about “Negroes” anymore than they cared about the “free” Irish immigrants who lived a mile away from them in conditions, according to a University of Chicago economist, even worse than those of Southern slaves? Slavery ended because enough people figured out that it doesn’t work well with industrial capitalism. Slavery became immoral because it was becoming inefficient — less productive than wage labor — and not because the temptation to exploit other people in such a way had waned. Just because material life has gotten better and society more civil doesn’t mean human nature has changed. People are still scared and vain and will seek short-cuts to the Kingdom of Heaven by trying to create Heaven on Earth, with disastrous consequences.  People will forever do some fucked up shit to each other, with most justifying, rationalizing as good and just what they’ve done, from carpet bombing a village to interrogation by torture to massacre. Instead of burning the witch at the stake, now we post compromising photos of that bitch on Instagram.

History and Human Nature
Why is it we can laugh at or be horrified by instances of human depravity and degeneracy throughout history, yet not recognize our own sins and follies? We can laugh at Ponce DeLeon for being a dumbass for searching for the Fountain of Youth (AND believe in this story which likely isn’t true), yet we fall for wheatgrass, spirulina, weight-loss pills, cock enlargement pumps, reverse-aging creams, those metal bracelets that do whatever it is they’re supposed to do, and ionized water?

Medical doctors and scientists would probably blame low scientific literacy as the source of the problem.  Sure sure, most people don’t understand the scientific method or how clinical trials work or the difference between correlation and causation or how problematic observational studies are and what can be concluded from a mice study or what “double blind peer review” means.  But I don’t think a person needs to be familiar with any of the above to detect bullshit. We have built-in bullshit detectors.  We just don’t use them.

So why don’t we use our bullshit detectors? What makes it so tempting to hear only what we want to hear, to see only what we want to see in ourselves and others?  When do we become susceptible to believing fantastic promises that appeal to our vanities?

Part of it is how history is often taught, how we understand it.  “Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” Thanks for the reminder, George, but forgetting the past isn’t the reason why history repeats itself. History repeats itself especially when it’s NOT forgotten. Guy sentenced to life in jail for vehicular homicide didn’t forget his three DUIs, he was just being human, a dumbass creature of habit.  And I’m not claiming “progress” hasn’t been made, I’ll take my toilet over whatever Jesus used. I’m saying that thinking of the trajectory of history as “moral progress”  — qualified by “if we study history” — makes us blind to ourselves, our Original Sin. Unable to see ourselves in Pol Pot, Hitler, Henry V, Catherine the Great, Stalin, Caligula, Judas Iscariot, we become arrogant, vain, self-righteous and self-satisfied.  “I would never have owned slaves,” the American Apparel clad college girl tells herself as she reads Howard Zinn’s People’s History. “I would’ve released them, then teach them how to read, to start a glorious revolution.” Twenty years later she’s living in a nearly Black-less neighborhood, and the closest she’s ever come to helping anyone Black has been her purchase of tunes from Aaliyah and a Richard Sherman jersey. How’s that for ironic living?

Superfood as Colonial Narrative
Is there an Anthropologist in the house?  We’re going to need one soon.

(Artistic license taken) “Acai berries for super duper healthy living AND to empower the peasants, save them from greedy capitalists!”  In May 2009, Bloomberg reported that the expanding popularity of açaí in the United States was “depriving Brazilian jungle dwellers of a protein-rich nutrient they’ve relied on for generations.” From Reality Check: “False claims include reversal of diabetes and other chronic illnesses, as well as expanding size of the penis and increasing men’s sexual virility.” Oops, we fucked up.

“Quinoa for super duper healthy living AND to empower the peasants, save them from greedy capitalists!”  From UK Guardian: “Ethical consumers should be aware poor Bolivians can no longer afford their staple grain, due to western demand raising prices.” Oops, we fucked up.

(From Runa website, word for word) Runa is a social enterprise supporting indigenous farmers and reforestation in the Amazon. Runa brews beverages from guayusa, a super-leaf from the Amazon …”  We should know how this “social enterprise” (social fucking enterprise! these fuckers aren’t even subtle about it anymore) is going to end.  But we get duped by the same message over and over again: Fountain of Youth! Bigger Penis! Save the Peasants from Greedy Capitalists! We fall for the same pick up line because it makes us feel good, and because deep down, we don’t give a shit about those jungle dwelling brown motherfuckers, which is why we can conveniently forget — no, ignore — what happened to them last time we tried to help them. We just like to believe we care about them, and that their big big smiles are for real when they take photos with us. It’s as if colonialism never ended. Instead of gold and guns, now the imperialists use superfoods to fuck things up in their own fucked up way.  The colonial narrative, that trifecta of: glory and riches, more pussy, and White burden, continues on in American grocery stores and on dining tables.

Here’s where an Anthropologist may be of help. Instead of studying impact of superfood agriculture on environment and culture, instead of studying the Other, let’s study White people.  By White people, I don’t mean genotype or White individuals.  I mean White people as trope, as inheritors of a colonial legacy. As consumers of *all races* unwilling to recognize the colonial past in their post-colonial present. Let’s get to the source of the problem.

History and Human Nature Part II: Self Interest vs. Vanity

Most schools and media teach history as the story about good people as victims of bad people and that we have moral obligation to help the victims of present and past and punish the bad. Put simply, propaganda. The Aliens watching us from Alpha Centauri don’t see good versus evil, they only see people doing fucked up shit to each other, just as we see animals in the wild do fucked up shit to each other but don’t assign moral value to their actions.  That’s precisely the kind of story Thucydides wrote about in History of the Peloponnesian Wars. It’s a seminal historical text because it’s the first to be so cold, detached, impartial; because it isn’t a story about good and evil, it’s about *human nature* and how we can best protect ourselves from other people. It’s a story about how there are NEITHER victims NOR volunteers.  There are only competing self-interests that sometimes come in conflict with another.

Santayana’s “remember the past so you don’t make the same mistakes,” is an alluring way to read history because it appeals to our vanity. “Those bad bad people are them, and I’m me, who would never do that, I’m better than that” we’re led to think.  Really?  The only reason why the 19 year old girl who worships Ayn Rand (a Fuck You conservative) can declare herself a Communist (combo = psychobitch, guaranteed) without a hint of irony is because she doesn’t have the power to round people up and work them to death at a labor camp. And she’s too chickenshit to do anything more than tell her Facebook friends that that bitch is not her mom. Send her back in time — give her power, make her Catherine the Great — then we’ll see who she really is. There will be blood everywhere.

If Santayana’s version of history takes down the proverbial mirror we need to recognize ourselves in our readings of the past, reading history as the codification of identity and the study of human nature nails it back up for us to see who we really are.  With history as the study of human nature on repeat, every cheat, murderer, dumbass, fool, coward, and psychopath we read about becomes a story about our present condition, a reflection of who we are. It helps us recognize our own follies, our venality and arrogance, our total depravity. It may help us to smell present-day bullshit like this:

Ignored Since the 1950s – Is Spirulina Now a ‘Miracle’ High-Protein Super Food?

Imagine a plant that can nourish your body by providing most of the protein you need to live, help prevent the annoying sniffling and sneezing of allergies, reinforce your immune system, help you control high blood pressure and cholesterol, and help protect you from cancer. Does such a “super food” exist?

Yes. It’s called spirulina.

Which isn’t much different from bullshit from the past, like this:


The ingredients may change, but human nature remains.

The Vanity of Vanities
According to Socrates, there are two types of people: dumbasses who know they’re dumbasses, and dumbasses who don’t.  The former ask more questions and make fewer assumptions because of their insecure knowledge. The latter ask few questions and rely on belief, bullshit, and bromides to sustain their vain sense of self. The former go with what sounds right.  The latter with what sounds good.

Vanity is self-interest turned on its side, that desire for a sense of progress and self-esteem rather than actual improvement. Pay up and pop the pill to feel like effort and progress has been made, even though it’d cost less and be more effective to consistently eat diverse and balanced meals and to exercise daily.  Vanity and its dampening affect on our bullshit detectors, not poor science literacy, is what feeds the pseudoscience and anti-science industries. Michael Schulson, on the importance of keeping our vanity in check when thinking about the politics of science (from  Whole Foods: America’s Temple of Pseudoscience):

It’s that whenever we talk about science and society, it helps to keep two rather humbling premises in mind: very few of us are anywhere near rational. And pretty much all of us are hypocrites.

And dumbasses.